If you have mixed raced children and are white

[1981fishgut]

Just wanted to know really if you have mixed raced children and are white what uncomfortable truths have you come to know if any

I myself have mixed raced children but am black

i think my husband learned that you can’t manage racism to keep close relationships so sadly he’s had to go NC with mil and that pretty much means going NC with his dad and bother as well sadly

A-I did not realise is that some people with mixed raced children roundly view their children as white

B- some black people think I am a self hating black person for marrying somone white

I read this from a blog I am following it’s from white American mum who adopted a black child but I think this can equally apply to white mum with mixed raced child

As white parents adopting children of color, we must choose our children over our comfort. This means finding a diverse church or a church with black leadership, it means seeking out close friendships with people of color, it means having a Black Lives Matter sign, it means moving to a diverse neighborhood, it means kneeling for the anthem and protesting systemic racism, it means uncomfortable conversations with our white family.

Or maybe you learned some things that have surprised you in a positive way

formerbabe

Just wonder what you have learned as white mothers to mixed children you didn’t know before or were surprised at

Someone mentioned they were not aware or othering before she met her dh

I don't know what the fuck I am, I suppose I'm an asian/white mix but look wholly Asian as I got all my dad's genes, appearance wise.

I married a very pale redhead so my kids don't look like my kids very much, but no one's ever commented and it's never bothered me in the slightest.

I think my dh really thought he could manage my Mil and that once the kids came along it would all all into place

Sadly that’s just the films and his dreams of moving back home were dashed living in a mono culture would kill my children’s self esteem and mental health

So glad when we god monkey noises made the kids were not with us in that moment I think he new

I'm the white parent of mixed race children, but they aren't black, so I don't think you are interested in our experiences of racism.

I mean gald

I myself grew up in a very white place and it was one of the single most destructive things to happen to me as I grew to be bothered on a daily basis

To be singled out and to not have myself reflected back at me within my community

Mach5

I'm the white parent of mixed race children, but they aren't black, so I don't think you are interested in our experiences of racism.

Yes I am

I remember us doing Scrooge at school and the teacher pipping up well we all no who will play the shadowy figure no need for a ballot

I actually think it’s less socially expectable for white women to marry Asians

Or am I wrong

I’m white, kids are MR Asian - both would pass for white. My wife gets asked if she’s the nanny occasionally. We want to keep the Asian culture going but it’s tricky when we live in England with Englishness all around us.

notdaddycool If you lived in London or brum you would have no issue

We used to live in southall in West London

I am white my husband is black and our children are mixed race but very pale, blonde haired green eyed.
We have had comments like " and who's your daddy eh" "you wouldn't know she has "black" in her" to my DD.
"Do you not fancy white men then?"
To my husband "what's wrong with black girls why did you breed a white one" so fucking rude. I have a thicker skin however my family mainly my DM. Will use any opportunity to mention my daughters hair texture, her skin colour, how she darkens in the summer and gets pale in the winter. Amazingly I've found the younger generation to be much more kinder to my children with comments etc.

I'm mixed race and I look darker than my father but have been raised in my mother's culture, (food, customs, social norms, religion etc). Two of us sibs have very religious names and some people find it confusing that my sibs and I were raised in a particular faith because of our skin colour. We're often asked "where are you from?" but the youngest who looks white doesn't so we've each had quite different experiences. It's really interesting when we chat about it.

1981 No one's ever said anything to us but I'm the only woman I know with a SE Asian husband. Know lots of couples the other way around.

I am very pale white (half Australian half Scottish) and my partner calls himself Blasianite (black (African), Asian (Chinese) and white(Scottish)) and our 6 month old is very similar to him. I didn't really notice it at first (she is just so stunning I didn't think about her skin tone) until I put her next to my white friend's babies and realised she will never pass as white. Most people mistake my partner for Mexican or from Central America. With 4 cultures making up her heritage it will be difficult to teach her about all of them. She has dark black hair and brown eyes vs my blonde hair and blue/green eyes meaning I am very often mistaken for her nanny (also this is partly due to my young age and student clothes style). The most annoying comment made to me is that "mixed race babies are the cutest/So in right now" as if our child is a fashion statement. My great uncle told me I should learn Portuguese to communicate with my partners family (all fluent English speakers and come from an island where French was the only other language) but he was on his deathbed so I didn't correct him. My stepgrandparents also mistook my partner for "the help" when they first met him although they were friendly to him once I explained this was my partner.

I am white and have a white husband, but I used to work with a nurse who was white and married to an African man. Their children were stunning - gorgeous features, beautiful mocha-coloured skin.

IMHO, the only appropriate thing to say to a mixed racial couple or to a parent with children that look mixed is, "What a beautiful family!"

I am white with mixed race children (white/Black) but I think I did most of my learning in terms of changing my mindset- someone brought up in a bit of a white liberal bubble- before we had our boys. I see them as mixed race and teach them to be proud of their hair and skin and their cultures. I am (I think) as prepared as I can be for the fact their lives might be different from mine in terms of the treatment/attitudes they might face. It does scare me to think of what my boys might face. When my eldest came home I used to torture myself by looking at far right chat rooms and cry about how there were people out there who hated my baby and didn't think he should exist (might have gone a bit mad there!)

Oh, and Brainfog, you sound like a total legend!

We are all mixed race and all White in my family. White isn't actually a race. Lots of different groups are light I'm colour

Their children were stunning - gorgeous features, beautiful mocha-coloured skin

IMHO, the only appropriate thing to say to a mixed racial couple or to a parent with children that look mixed is, "What a beautiful family

Sorry but as a mum of mixed race children I find this incredibly patronising.

Although I understand your intention is good I should add.

I'm mixed race half white European, quarter afro Caribbean and quarter Latino. Born and raised in Canada.
Hubs is white British (blonde and blue eyed) . I am brown. Plain and simple. I identify with all the cultures that made me and am proud to be Canadian of mixed heritage. People often assume that I'm Asian or Mediterranean. I have wavy hair but always worn styled with a ghd curl or straight. Throw my accent into the mix and also asked if I'm first nations. (Native canadian)

I am one of five. My siblings and I are all different shades of brown with the youngest looking white. I remember when I was about 14 and enrolling in high school my mom brought my youngest sister in with us for a school visit and a teacher approached my mom and 'complimented' her for adopting outside of her race.

My child is 75% white. He looks completely white. He's very fair but tans well. We will raise him to be proudly British and to embrace his heritage.

It does hurt when I'm mistaken for his nanny or the help. When I meet other parents and see their discomfort or surprise. My child will be seen as white.

I have had to develop thick skin. I have been called many many racist names and have been made to feel inferior by groups or individuals through out my life and career. Ultimately, I feel like this a small sacrifice to pay. Lines are blurring and barriers are being broken and acceptance is much more the norm.

I’m half uk white and half Indian. I’m old. Growing up the main racism came from Irish (as we lived in an area of London with lots of Irish) and Indians (jaws dropping as we walked past as a family).

I don’t look Indian but rather more Iranian or Turkish. Indian side never really recognised me (less so now as younger generation more mixed). But some white people have accused me of having a chip on my shouler (work bullying). I’ve learned to ignore.

My ds has Southern European father. He’s so mixed he self defines as white with other bits! (He is golden toned with almond shaped almost black eyes - nothing like any of his immediate family). He says this as he’s born and bread uk. But he gets on and comfortable with everyone.

My worst rejection has been from Asian side. My dm still hates how Asian people reacted to her being with a white man back then, while her white husband’s family were so accepting.

I’m not very interested in presenting my mixed cultures to others at all.

Most hilarious moment:
Young white girl with mixed raced baby in a sling caught attention of young black male in local park. They flirt - he mentions her lovely figure compared to mine (at almost 40 I have my baby in a sling also). and then goes on to say that at least her baby won’t be racist like mine. 😂 babies are racist didn’t you know!!!

I’d never laughed so much in life. I think that London is sometimes the most racist place.