To let him go?

[whatdoido33]

Been with my DP for just over two years, we have a 4 month old DD. He has two DD from previous relationship aged 5&6. His ex has also had another baby with her partner.

They don't get on very well and communicate through either me or her Nan. We tend to get on ok until she decides she wants to hate me every so often. When this happens I get randomly blocked, phone gets ignored, kids tell us she hasn't been saying nice things about me, it's all a bit dramatic tbf.

So skip to two weeks ago, we are going on holiday abroad soon, DP always pays for the holiday so I always pay for the new clothes for us and spending money. Girls come shopping with me and my DD, pick new holidays clothes, trainers etc..

They get dropped to their nans later, then i get a message saying "I'm sick of you always trying to embarrass me by buying the girls clothes and shoes all the time! They're not coming on holiday with you, and DP will have to stay at home with them" (She has always booked a holiday with her partner and son and her partners daughter whilst we are away) (Also, our holiday is with DP's dads family). I told her she's being ridiculous and to message me when she's back in a normal state, to them be told she's reporting me to social services for taking cocaine when I was pregnant and "No wonder your daughter has problems"! Shes a known story teller (been pregnant with my DP since I've been with him, her DP is buying her a Range Rover, she's putting the girls in private school) none of this has ever happened, so of course this hasn't gone anywhere,

Anyway, every time she has these hate vendettas towards me she doesn't let DP see the girls. We usually pick them up every day from school, feed them and they stay over on the weekends. When she likes me they stay in the week 2 nights too. Me and DP have been having major domestics as he blames me for antagonising her by buying the girls new things

It's making him really upset as he misses his girls and the only way she'll let him see them again is if we split up.

We love each other very much and I would hate to leave him as my DD needs her daddy too!

What do I do ?

Also booked a holiday* not always

And my daughter was born very prem, unknown reason just told it was "one of them things" his ex told me he's been cheating on me the day before my waters broke but yeah.. one of those things.

Thanks for reading x

See a solicitor would be an obvious answer.
May hit you financially but as you won't be spending on his dc for a while it should be doable.
She is nuts as you must know.

Get arrangements in order once and for all.

Handhold OP my DP’s ex is very similar, we’re currently seeking a court order as she removes contact for no reason. I think it’s all about control tbh.

Your DP needs to open his eyes that she is the problem not you. Perhaps you shouldn’t contact her at all though, defer everything to DP in future as it seems you can’t do right for doing wrong.

You have a problem with your not so darling partner. I couldn’t live like that, it would send me insane. Move out for a while. He is dancing her turn and that is no way to love or live.

She sounds like the kind of person who would also argue if you didn't buy new clothes and say your were treating the DC's differently!

I think you need to sit down with DP and he needs to understand that you have the children's best interests at heart. If he can't agree with you then i would say from now on you will not deal with her and that he will now need to do it. Discuss a plan for future visitation. If she does this regular then i would apply via court.

Step back - no contact with ex was best thing I ever ever have done. I have a baby now and don't need the drama lamas around. She also was a bit nasty about the baby , so I cut all ties and it reduced stress masisvly.
Sit down with dp explain you love all the children and want what's best for them. He needs to sort the contact with ex from now on as you won't have her abusing you /your child.

We are jsut going through the court process, starting mediation next week for withdrawn contact for no reason - it's a long road but provided you and dp are on same page it will be fine.
Good luck op X

Take a step back. Tell your dp to sort it out. You and your dc go on holiday regardless.

I’d also suggest you go to court over contact, it’s better for you as you know what to expect and when, she also can’t oull the rug and it’s clearer for the dc who will know the score re access.

As for clothes etc, again I think it’s lovely that you do this but maybe hand it over to your dp. Sounds like he either needs to appreciate what you do for his dc, grow a pair and stand up to his ex on your behalf, or preferably both

How does she know what you’ve bought? Don’t send new clothes home with them - keep them at your house. It’s ridiculous if either you or DP are considering splitting up just to pacify her. And if you do, she’ll only find something else to whinge about.

They’re his kids and his ex - no need for you to have any contact. He needs to step up and handle his own responsibilities. And I don’t think she can refuse to let your DP take the kids on holiday - if it’s during his custody she has no say over where he goes.

Personally I’d get a solicitor and formalise the contact arrangements. Otherwise this behaviour will go on forever.

Thanks everyone for the replies.

@BigBlueBubble she won't give us the passports back. We always have the passports as were the only ones who take them abroad but she needed them for something (I can't remember what it is) she says things like this all the time and I tell my partner she's just on a power trip again but it's causing a real strain on us

Take a big step back and let your DP sort this out properly. Get legal advice and get a proper contact agreement drawn up.

Why is he not communicating with her? Why is it you?

You should not even have her phone number. Everything must go through DP. You are no one to her!

DP needs to stand up for his kids

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy she just won't talk to him, we've tried so many times but she just won't

Tell her that unless she can be civil with you then you will no longer be the middle man and discuss how to respond to her messages with your DP.

I hate women that do this. The kids are going to miss out on a holiday and seeing their dad and siblings just because she's pissed off.

Get a court order ASAP.

You definitely need to see a solicitor and get a formal agreement for visitation. DP needs to deal with her.

Court will sort this. Get an order in place and some formal arrangements. This could be sorted within a couple of months. She's harming the DC here and needs to be told that isn't right. Once you have a court order there won't need to be communication and anything that needs to be said can be said to your ex over email, cutting you out of this. She might cause problems by not sticking to the order but she will have far less power.

You don't even need a solicitor if money is an issue though I would recommend one if you can afford it.

If she's serious about the holiday you can go to court urgently about this specific issue.

Police and court if she is withholding children’s passports from you. You need court mandated access in place so it can be legally enforced. It’s not acceptable for her to cancel your pre-agreed access on a whim.