DS1- University

[Babyroobs]

Took DS1 ( 19 years) to University yesterday hundreds of miles from home. He has always had problems getting up and has been working for the past year ( gap year) in a bar job that frequently didn't finish until 3am. So then he would spend all day in bed sometimes until 3 pm in the afternoon, despite asking me to wake him ( if I was around). I would shout him/ shake him/ send the dogs to jump on him , he would sleep through the loudest alarm etc.
Today I know he has important enrolement sessions and fresher events. I suspect after working on Saturday night until 3am and then a long journey down to Uni yesterday, he will not get up. I have text 3 times, rung a few times and it has gone straight to answerphone. I will be furious if he messes this chance up. I suppose I am already emotional about him going and now stressed about this.
AIBU to just say that now he is hundreds of miles from home, he is on his own and I'm doing nothing else to try to help him with this. if he gets chucked off his course because he can't get up then so be it.

Or will the Uni be lenient that after long journies / settling ill, they know some students will struggle to get up ?

They'll be accommodating initially - they've given him a place, they want him to succeed, won't want to chuck him off his course for something relatively trivial and a "first offence", but their patience will eventually start to wear thin.

Yes, he's on his own, and he'll soon start to understand the consequences of his action/in-action.

He won't be the only one, he'll be able to enroll after but he'll have to traipse arround to different departments, maybe the hassle will make him set several alarms next time he needs to get up! I did bar work at uni and before and you soon get into the swing, depending on his degree he won't have lectures early every morning anyway, it's not like school. He'll also sign up for his own tutorials/seminars and can pick late afternoon, early evenings if he wants. It's his responsibility now

Missing one event won't see him being thrown out of uni. He will need to adapt his sleeping pattern eventually though.

You can't do this for him. Let him sort this out for himself.

YANBU, he's an adult!

You have set a terrible precedent by being his personal alarm clock. You son is an adult now and it's high time he sink or swim. If he has to face unpleasant consequences for his lack of maturity, so be.

My dsis was the same as your son in that she was completely unable to get herself out of bed without my parents' help to shout/cajole/nag, would sleep through alarms etc. I remember at the age of 25(!!l my mum getting up early on holiday to call my sister at home so she wouldn't be late for work. Funnily enough, once she moved out and they stopped doing it she managed to hear her alarm.

Hard as it might be, you need to start letting him take responsibility for himself.

Universities will be lenient until they've got the tuition fees. They are a bit too accomidaring for the first weeks (I'm a student), but slowly they will raise their expectations. Depending on the course though, some courses require attendance and some don't.

Also, yes he is an adult living on his own so he needs to figure out how own schedule. He will learn there are consequences and make sure if you are paying then he will have to pay you back if he gets dropped out due to stupid reason like this.

YABU.

He is an adult.

Let him make his own life choices.

My experience at uni is that they are pretty lenient - in that you are paying to be there, it's no skin off their nose really if you are late/miss lectures or seminars.

Obviously there is a tolerance level you can drop below but basically you're expected to be an adult - they won't punish you, the punishment is you wasting the money and opportunity if you don't show up to things.

Try to step back OP - he's an adult now and needs to learn to sort his own life out.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. He'll need to learn at some point and you can't hold his hand forever. If uni is important to him, he'll make it work. That being said if he can get by by not working as well I would highly suggest he does so. Depending on what he's studying, some degrees are more hard going than full time work so I wouldn't be working as well if I could get away with it.

University staff will always be accommodating whilst students take time to get used to their new environment. The people monitoring enrolments aren't the people chasing up fees, so payment of fees has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not they are lenient. I assume the comments from Rezie are just tongue in cheek!

Thanks everyone , this is reassuring. I know I just have to leave him to it. He acknowledges that it is a big problem for him but just can't seem to do much about it. He is a very deep sleeper, he has tried the setting of alarms spaced out.