'If you don't respect your mum you'll never respect women'.

[bluetrampolines]

I just heard someone on tele say that . In my experience it is exactly true. It's really why im divorcing my pig of an ex. He could not and would not respect me when i became a mother.

So, is that statement a fact? Or not?

Of course not. If you have a shitty mother why should she be respected? And does that mean you’re doomed to treat people badly because you got a bad mother?

Look at the Relationship board - plenty of men on there respecting their mother just fine and treating their partner horribly.

It’s a trite comment.

I think so, definitely. Did your ex not respect his mum too. My ds 6 raised his hand towards me and hit me, I told him exactly the same thing and banished him to his room.

I hope it is but it rang true with my stbxh.

I think if a man doesn’t respect women generally that may well come out as disrespect for their mum, but more often with men who don’t respect their wife, they are still infantilised by their mum, she thinks he can do no wrong and he sees her as the ideal maid/slave/Madonna that his DW just cannot live up to.

Reckon there must be some truth in it.

It depends on the mother.

It does certainly depend on what sort of mother a person has. But in general I've found that a man who has a good and loving relationship with his mother will normally treat other women with respect.

Sorry but that's cobblers.

And I am sorry for anyone in personally distressing situations. But you simply cannot generalise like that and produce an effective argument, I don't think.

My mother has always said look at the relationship a man has with his mother and you’ll get a bearing on his relationships with women and I think she’s right. Obviously this is normal stuff rather than someone with an awful mother but I think it’s a big tell

Nope. Wrong. Sons that are infantilised by their mother can be extremely toxic in the future. They expect and demand their wives mother them, and feel entitled to punish their wives for not being in their place.

Also, some mothers are abusive and no one has to respect anyone who has treat them badly.

I think it depends on what you mean by "not respect". If you mean "look down on your mother because she is a woman", then yes, of course that attitude is going to come through in later relationships too. But if you mean (as pp have taken it) to gradually come to the realisation that your own personal mother, as an individual, is not a person who deserves much respect, then as long as you are clear-headed enough not to generalise about other women, you should be ok. Big difference.

Mmm. Sort of on the fence with this one. My Dad’s mother was a horrible, awful, violent person who was unkind and physically abusive to my Dad (only child, sort of). She was unstable and a sadist and did awful things to people around her (Including me as a little girl). She used to harass us by phone ringing at all hours ranting. So he did not respect her. But in an odd way he respected her position as his mother even though he did not respect her. And he respected the fact he had some form of duty to her despite keeping contact minimal and at arms length. So she would do things like fake emergencies because he still felt he should help her in emergencies.

We found out after she died that she’d had a baby daughter who had TB who died before my Dad and had also probably been abused as a child. She very definitely had food withheld from her while the rest of the family ate when she was a small child. Which explained, but didn’t really excuse a lot of it. But she was an impossible person to respect for her own person and actions.

No. My mother is awful and I feel like I'd be very upset my the assumption that I was a bad person just becsyse my mother is. My brothers respect women too.

Similarly, the most misogynistic, horrible men I know who has no respect whatsoever for women in general, is very close to his mother and thinks the sun shines out of her a**e.

It's nowhere near as snappy a slogan, but I'd say that if you don't respect ANYBODY BY DEFAULT (especially if it's somebody in a perceivably subordinate, serving and/or menial role, such as a waiter/waitress, checkout assistant, toilet attendant Cheryl etc), then you are clearly not worthy of respect yourself and thus a potential partner should take this into account VERY carefully when deciding whether or not to consider you.

I say 'by default' as, if there's a specific good reason why somebody has clearly and wilfully proven themselves as unworthy of your (or indeed anybody's) respect (including people in the aforementioned subordinate/menial positions), then, although you may decide to be 'the bigger person', it doesn't necessarily reflect badly on you if you don't. And, obviously, if their autonomous lack of respect towards you has tripped over from impoliteness to abuse, sheer nastiness or any other kind of wanton toxicity, then the above definition certainly doesn't count - in fact, to apply it in such a case could well be seen as gaslighting and victim-blaming.

Sorry, I DID say that my definition wasn't snappy

I must not respect women then.

It needs nuance. Respecting your mother assumes having a reciprocal relationship with her - that she taught you respect for her and in turn respected you.

Honestly, lots of men were raised badly which is why they're so awful but also they're now adults making their own decisions and it's on them

I tend to respect individuals... respecting a whole group ("women") because of the actions of a single member of that group...? Sorry, not for me.

If a person (I don't care if male or female) is worth respecting, then they are. The truth is there are people who are shits within (and between) both genders.

Er, it depends on the mother. I was estranged from my mother when she died, does that make me a woman hater? I get it, your Ex is a shit but attributing, over simplistic sayings, that don’t take into account the complexities of relationships and human flaws as fact is just plain silly.

In my experience men who worship their mums have trouble finding women to match up them

It's really good so many people disagree. In my case i should have definitely seen it as a red flag.

Depends on the mother totally. Some mother's are not due respect in exactly the same way that some people are not due respect.