To ask about your dh's vasectomy experiences?

[LokiBear]

We have 2dds and we are done. A combination of our ages, a previous mmc, my poor health during pregnancy (hereditary blood pressure and cloting issues) and extortionate nursery fees make me feel that we need to make more permanent contreception choices. I cant have the coil and i've been advised against sterilisation due to endo/womb scarring/clubbed ovary issues. Im currently on the implant and, despite giving it 18 months, i'm having periods lasting 3 weeks, every two weeks. Dh is very nervous about having a vasectomy but we've talked and he accepts it is the best solution for us. He seemed pretty set, only now people have decided to tell him horror stories and he is panicking. His latest reason for waiting a little longer to go to the doctor is because he might need two weeks off of work to recover, however, I think this is an excuse. I can't go on much longer with the never ending periods, I cant go on the pill as the mood swings are unbearable. We've been together 16 years and in all that time, I have been the one to sacrifice my hormones and my body to either avoid pregnancy or to be pregnant. Im at the point where I am considering getting the implant out and telling him we are abstaining until he gets the snip. I am trying to be kind, understanding and patient, I havent yet lost my shit with him but I am close. Last ditch attempt is to regale him with positive stories. Anyone have any?

My DP has one a few months back. It went really smoothly, he said the procedure was no big deal, he was there for the morning, I picked him up at lunch. He had a bit of a John Wayne walk for a couple of days and the bruising was spectacular but he said it didn’t hurt, it was more just a bit tender. He had it done on a Friday and was back at work on Monday.

He’s not had the checks yet, but he’s not had any issues of pain or any changes down there. We’re looking forward to getting told that it’s been successful as it will definitely be quite liberating I think!

We’re both glad he had it done.

My dh instigated his within weeks of dd2’s birth (8 years ago) as I didn’t get on with the pill so we used condoms which he hated! All went fine, think he had 1-2 days off work, wasn’t in too much pain and has never regretted it. It did take us a while to get the all clear though.

Our story is pretty similar to others here, he had it done about 15 years ago with no great issues and no long term problems. I think he had maybe a day or two off work after the surgery which was a day case, some discomfort with walking but not much more than that. It really did help our sex life as I was paranoid that I might get pregnant again and it felt like a weight off my shoulders knowing that our baby days were over and done with.

Thank you to everyone. Im going to shoehorn him in to the doctors. I really hope there isnt a long waiting list!

A lot of areas don't have huge waiting lists. DH went to the GP to ask about having it done and two weeks later he was in, snipped, and home. Same thing happened to three friends living in three other Trusts, appointments came through really quickly after the initial referral.

Be prepared for the GP to ask what seems like some fairly annoying questions. Questions like why can't you take the Pill/get a coil/get an implant instead, what if you change your minds, what if something awful happened and you and/or your DC were to die, what if you left him, etc. They're only trying to press the point that permanent means permanent, reversal has a low success rate and isn't available in the NHS.

DH was fine after his. A bit tender, whinged lots and for a few days his 'pain' levels seemed to fluctuate based on whether or not the bins needed taking out. He had it done on a Friday so spent the weekend shuffling around in his dressing gown and questionable jogging bottoms, groaning occasionally and reminding me about how he'd "taken one for the team" (quickly pointed out that I'd taken fucking four for "the team"). He was fine for work on the Monday. Briefs one size smaller helped, so did wearing the cup/jock strap that they gave him at the clinic, and ibuprofen for the first day when it was at its most tender but he didn't need any painkillers after that. He did take some arnica tablets to help with the bruising as it was pretty spectacular and the swelling was immense - at one point he bits looked like an acorn balanced on top of a beach ball

Ewits that made me laugh! Im finding im trying to be sensitive, after all theyvare his balls and he is very protective of them. Im just not sympathetic. At all. I feel ive done my bit!

If by 'horror stories" you mean the 1 in ten who actually have the serious complications , then yes the people talking to your DH are an accurate reflection of the well-envidenced 10% risk.

No amount of anecdata about it being fine for 90% (ie everything OK, and no complications which last more than 3 months) removes the risk that he will be in the 10%.

And if he does not want to take that risk, then the principle of 'his body his choice' is the overriding one. Surgery should never be pressured by a sexual partner, for any reason, though you could see if sectioning is appropriate if you feel they are not competent to make their own choices for their own .

As you asked, my DH's direct experience is that s procedure was straightforward. But it took 18months for him to test clear.

He was a bit sore afterwards for a few days but was back at work next day. After I was ripped and stitched the hell with all 3 dcs it was really nothing 🤷🏼‍♀️. He wishes he'd done it years before but then dc3 wouldn't be here

I know a lot who have had it done and and have heard no horror stories it's often just done at a medical centre in some cases and off they go back to work same day a touch sore but nothing major.

You are aware that it is his body and his choice?

You sound like you are forcing him in to this. If he has any doubts at all he should be allowed to not have surgery no matter how minor some posters on here would like to believe the surgery is.

You self refer in our area so dh didn't have to see a GP. He did have to shave his testicles prior to the op. It was totally his decision and I wouldn't have forced him into it

I remember shouting at DH during my last (excruciating) labour, while I was waiting an hour for blood results so that I could have an epidural, to remember this moment and that if we ever had discussions about a vasectomy then under no circumstances was he to suggest it might be too painful for him

My DH was one of the one in ten with long term complications. There were many ways the op went tits up including the anesthesthetic not working properly and the surgeon not completing the op. He then got a haematoma which took weeks to resolve and he had pain for well over a year and tenderness for longer. Also as op not completed he is still fertile. Shit show all round!

Well said Boney

And as for Aquamarine1029 FFS

OP, do look into this properly, as should your husband. There used to be a very well informed poster on MN a few years back who had had severe complications following a vasectomy. The NHS figures are that 10% of men will suffer long term testicular pain following a vasectomy and other studies say this could be more like 15%. Yes, it a good minority, but it is still surgery and the full implications should be properly read up before making a decision.

It is absolutely HIS choice and the bollocks that gets spouted on MN at times about "it's his turn now" is really rather pathetic.

DH had his done on a wednesday after work didnt take long. His dad went with him just to drive him home and he put in annual leave for the rest of the week as precaution kust because he has a very manual job. It was a little sore but he was fine.

EvilEdna1 mine too. Apparently his tubes were in the wrong place and the surgeon wasn't happy. Called in the senior doc who was even less happy at being disturbed, who then proceeded to butcher poor DH. Massive haematoma and off work for several weeks. Still has pain 12 years later.

there must be some way of assessing who is likely to have complications
of course men have the right to decide for themselves but if they are expecting to have sexual intercourse then they need to bear in mind the risks of that to their partner
setting aside the possibility of conceiving a child which would then have to be fed and clothed for 18 years, the risks of pregnancy and childbirth are considerable, and in most cases these are risks that the woman has already undergone, several times, and sometimes the risk of it happening again is too high. If I was in that camp, and a long term dp was unwilling to take the risk of vasectomy, I would be declining sexual intercourse, as the riss would be too high for me.

the risk, not the riss!

@newtlover Presumably the man could wear condoms, though?

Yes, I am completely aware that it is his body and his choice. I am putting no more pressure on my dh to have this procedure that he put on me to have a baby. The thing is, in a relationship, it isnt as black and white as 'your body, your choice'. When making decisions about fetility and having a baby there is always the wants and needs of another person to consider. Whilst those wants and needs never trump your own body autonomy, they make it hard for it to be as simple as 'my body, my choice'. The thing is, there are no other options available for us - I can not have the surgery according to my doctor. I cant take the pill, depo injection makes me bleed more than the implant. They will not fit a coil. Since the age of 18, I have put my emotional and physical well being in second place to take some sort of hormone to enable us to have sex without getting pregnant. Im now facing heavy bleeding for 3 weeks, then off for two, then on for 3 weeks again. Ive given the implant 18 months and it is getting worse not better. Dh is complaining about the lack of sex because im constantly on, but he doesnt want to wear condoms and is dithering over a vasectomy. There is nothing more I can do as one person. He has to take some of the responsibility if he wants an active sex life with no more babies. So whilst I might seem insensitive to him contunally deciding to have a vasectomy, only then to change his mind, then to change it back again, then put of going to the doctor; in reality, im just frustrated. He would happily put me through a complicated operation against medical advice if it meant he didnt have to have a minor op. The only reason for this is because the op involves his balls. He has got to take some responsibility, it cant all be on me.

Two days off, a little bruising and no great drama. He took a week or two off cycling though. It's been awesome not having to deal with contraception.

I think a kind version of "I've done my turn with contraception. It's yours now or I'm abstaining. As for two weeks off, how long is a pregnancy and recovery from birth? I've done that TWICE" is probably due. I wouldn't hold back.

he doesn't want to wear condoms, oh well!

Seriously, you have done way more than your fair share, he needs to man up.

Your husband is being fucking ridiculous. Tell him to stop acting like a fucking infant and get it done

What utterly appalling advice for someone who is nervous about surgery.

Far better to discuss the situation calmly.

You cannot coerce him into having this operation. If you don’t want to take contraception anymore then stop. If he doesn’t want to put a condom on then don’t have sex.