Did I do the right thing?

[tenapenny22]

I work in a hospital as a health care assistant and love my job. For the last few weeks I have been looking after an older gent who was so lovely and had a really lovely family.

Unfortunately the gent died this week, which was very sad as it always is when any patient dies.

I didn't see the family as I wasn't working that day, however was having coffee with my friend yesterday and saw two of the family members walk past.

I debated for a second then ran outside to catch them and offer my condolences and say how lovely their family member was to look after etc. One of the family members gave me a hug and said thank you so much however the other one burst into tears. I felt so terrible then My question is WIBU to stop them and offer my condolences as it was so fresh? It's just a lot of the time when a patient dies you don't get to offer your condolences as there is no reason for the family to come back to the hospital after that so i just took the chance I had when I saw them. I can't stop thinking about making the family member cry.

I would have done the same. You didn't do anything bad.

I think you did the right thing. It would be worse to walk out with no one acknowledging it, which is often the case. It would be good to know someone cared for him.

So don't worry.

The family member was already grieving, you didn't add to their sadness at all, you simply gave their tears an outlet. Don't feel bad for saying something lovely, not ever.

You were fine. Emotions were just close to the surface. They would most likely have appreciated you doing it. Speaking as someone recently bereaved.

I dont think you did a thing wrong at all.
Their emotions are probably very close to the surface, and whilst it may have been painful for them to hear, I’m sure that your kindness and sincerity would have meant a lot to them.

Just as an aside, I have so, so much respect for our care assistants. You guys are pillars of strength and kindness x

You did the right thing- the person crying is natural when it’s so raw, but I would certainly appreciate the well wishes of someone who looked after one of my family members, particularly if they’ve gone out of their way to let me know (ie you didn’t just bump into them, you specifically went to tell them).

I’m sure they will appreciate it.

They will have thought how lovely you were

Thankyou for your opinions and kind words everybody, i think I just got in my own head about it all, it's horrible seeing people upset, especially when you are the cause of it.

@Faster what a kind thing to say, it's a pleasure to look after people when they are lovely and friendly, I find it amazing when patients are so cheery and in hospital, it really puts things into perspective!

@tenapenny22 I’m sure that the friendliness you receive is a reflection of what you give out. I’ve been a nurse long enough to be awe of our HCA’s.
I’ve youve got a sister or a go to person at work who’s useful to have a chat with I’d go through the situation with them, someone who knows you in real life, as these are the situations that cannot be trained for, and we learn from our peers x

Lovely gesture to pass on your own positive thoughts about their family member.

OP, it is hard seeing people upset, but you were not the cause of it - the cause was the loss of her relative and her feelings about that. It will have been a great comfort that you cared enough about them and their relative to talk to them about it.

@Faster you are so right, every situation is different isn't it. Il go speak to my WM on my next shift xx

Reflection is really important, it shows us how we could have done better and it’s not an entirely comfortable process. Just remember that you opened yourself up to a load of strangers about something which I’m sure if quite emotional for you, feel pride in yourself tonigh OP x

I would have appreciated that as the grieving party OP. I think you did the right thing. Their loved one was noted, was memorable.

That's powerful for them to know.

OP you did nothing wrong. In fact you're proof that there are wonderful people in your profession because you acknowledged him as a lovely person and not 'patient 5'. I'm sure his family appreciate it x