To consider abandoning contraception under these circumstances

[FlamingOh]

Because DP and I do want a child desperately- it took three years to fall last time and unfortunately the pregnancy ended quite late due to previous MH problems and a suicide attempt. (This was some years ago now and I am much better)

However our circumstances are far from ideal and I just can’t shake off that we might be doing the wrong thing.
We aren’t affluent- both in lowish grade jobs. Combined annual salary of about 37k (West Country) and we have 2k credit card (interest free will be gone by March 2019)
Not homeowners (although have a 15k deposit formed of 10k inheritance and 5k Dh’s savings so could buy a 2 bed in about 6 months when CC is gone)
I have MH history- this was heightened during pregnancy- it may happen again but I guess I have support and doctors are aware.
We are getting on - H is nearly 40 and I’m 5 years his junior.
We aren’t where all our friends are driving range rovers with 6 figure salaries and I just don’t know if we are doing the right thing

WWYD?

Due to your age and previous difficulty conceiving it makes sense to crack on. Your situation financially doesn’t sound precarious and neither does it sound as if it’s likely to change much in the mid term. Be aware of the many additional costs of buying though.

Your MH is the big issue here if pregnancy triggered such a crisis before. Do you have a support network if you became ill or to support you with staying well?

I would have a chat with your GP and then if reassured, go for it if you desperately want a child.

Good luck.

Thanks matilda. Im under consultant care and would be very well supported.

Sorry so to clarify you miscarried your last baby due to your mental health and suicidal thoughts? Have i mis read that? Your income etc sounds pretty normal to me you're lucky to have such little debt and a good deposit. I don't think your income etc is the problem. I think you would need to have massive emotional support this time if I've read the OP correctly. How does your partner feel?

Hi Mr
Yes that’s correct- I tried to jump in front of a train and lost the pregnancy

Before making any hard and fast decisions, I'd speak to your mental health team/consultant for pre-pregnancy counselling . You will need to be properly supported and they may need to alter your medications prior to conception if you're on any.

Financially, we earn less, have one DC and manage fine, so I'd say you're ok there.

With the mental health issues, have you discussed ttc with your doctor? Try and get a plan in place so those around you know the danger signs and what to do to get you help.

I agree with Fefe69.

Although I don't think there is an existing child.

None of us is qualified to advise you on this. You need to see a counsellor - talk to your GP urgently, please.

Financially seems doable.
As for the other issues only you and dp can decide.
It sounds dangerous to me. I think it would be hard on your partner. I assume you do not mean stopping contraception without telling him?

Sorry! There is no existing child. My mistake. I read it wrong.

Sorry - yes dp and I would really love to try I am under monthly consultatant reviews that will increase to weekly if I fall pg
Additionally I will have nurse apps in between

This is something that only your mental health team can advise you on, speak to them asap.

From personal experience, mental health problems do tend to often get worse during pregnancy which is a worry. Also, medications you can take during pregnancy are very limited.

Financially I think you would be fine. Tge mental health issues take precedence here I think. It's hard enough dealing with a pregnancy and then a child when you're in very good health. So if you're vulnerable or still having mental health problems a pregnancy would likely make it worse.

You can try. You can and it might work out. It might not and you could have a child and be seriously ill. My controlled mental illness spiralled and I lost any form of normality after I gave birth and I’ve never fully recovered. The effect on my husband and child? They’d be better off if I had just killed myself when I wanted to.

My illness was phsychosis voices telling me to kill my self
I am on an antipsychotic that can be taken during pregnancy

A meeting with your mental health team and GP will be the first stop.
Is there anyone that could stay with you for your pregnancy and early years? A proper 247 plan would need to be in place to ensure that nothing happened to you.

On balance I don’t think I would risk it given what you have told us.
Just to be well and enjoy your lives is a god given gift as it is. Too many huge risks to my mind.

Thank you.
It’s been discussed and suggested if I was monitored and medicated it wouldn’t ever be an issue.
We know it’s relatively safe, and the risks with medication are less than 1% higher than another mothers.
I just feel like everyone on here clearly - that despite wanting it more than anything in the world It’s a bad idea

I think losing a child after jumping in front of a train means that you shouldn’t under ANY circumstance try for another

Agreed.

I think losing a child after jumping in front of a train means that you shouldn’t under ANY circumstance try for another

So people can't recover from mental illness?

I think financially everything sounds better than lots of other people and if you can continue with medication that is already working and under good care then you seem to have every protective factor in place that you can .

The only person who really knows your situation well enough to comment OP is your consultant. At the end of the day all of the people on this thread saying don't do it cannot really compare how you were then to how you are now.

Your consultant needs to help you figure out the chances of your psychosis returning if you were to fall pregnant again, but this time on anti-psychotics, and what safety nets would be in place that if it were to happen.

Op the people you need guidance from are your mh / medical team.

Will pregnancy change the effectiveness of your meds?
You said you'll be monitored closely and you and DH will be more aware of things changing for you.
How would DH cope if you attempted suicide AGAIN pregnant?
Are you at greater risk of post natal depression?
How would DH cope if you attempted / completed suicide once baby is here?

Having depression or badly managed psychosis doesn't meant you can't have children but you need to make sure EVERYTHING is in place to help you

Dear God. No please don't try again.