ExBF / father to my 2 children and I split up over 6 years ago. Left him due to his aggression, irresponsibility and selfishness. The icing on the cake was when he invited a friend to do a line of coke in front of our children as I was reading them their bed-time story on a Sunday evening- I finished our relationship the next day-).
I initiated the split. He was awful- aggressive, pestering. He accused me of having an affair and spent the next few months ruthlessly following me. He has never paid child support (aside from a few months when CSA took money out of his bank without him realising- then he changed his account and it stopped). I didn't sign up to the new CM system as I dont want to provoke him. He was a constant source of worry when he had contact (kids taken to rough pubs/ having one-night stands with women when they were round/smoking & heavy drinking around them- and I was worried about drugs). He would harass me- eg letting himself in to my house while out and going through my messages. Threatening me. Assaulted me. Emotionally manipulative to the DCs. A man with a massive victim complex and anger issues.
I moved to another town to get away and met a man who is now my husband. Lovely, caring, has taken the children on as his own. Very family-orientated.
Contact witb ex gradually became less frequent- and with each contact he would cause an issue eg not turning up, turning up hours late, being too hungover to come, lying about where he was and what they were doing, slagging me off to the DC- calling me a slag and a slut.
Eventually I'd had enough- it wasn't healthy for the DC and I told him that if he failed to turn up again or stick to agreed arrangements we would need to go through the courts. He failed to turn up for the very next contact and so I NC'd and started to go down the court route. I had a meeting with a mediator and explained that I wanted to get set times that he would need to stick to. She asked why I was doing that, as it wouldn't be enforceable and that it should be him doing this (and pay for it!). I texted him to tell him this and if he wanted contact he would need to go through the courts and it would be at a contact centre.
This was about 2 years ago and he hasn't initiated any proceedings. However, what he has started doing is just turning up, shouting and banging on the doors and windows and sitting outside waiting.
He has done this today. My daughter is out and my son and myself are in the living room with the curtains closed. He has gone off for now (DH told him we were out) but I am sure he will be driving round looking for us in our area (its a 90 mile journey back for him).
I actually feel quite scared and don't know what to do. He has said he has "rights to see them", he doesn't want to go through the courts. He told my DH that he suspected him and I were having an affair (we started dating 2 years after we'd split up!). He is paranoid and angry.
What should I do? What's the next step? He told my DH he will come around all the time now. The kids don't want to see him and I don't feel confident they'll be safe. I can't hide in my living room forever.
Any advice? Not really an AIBU, but I need some help.