Dp daughter

[babbz]

In a world full off technology etc it baffles me why a 16 girl cnt msg her dad for things or to see him without going through her mum to contact him .... maybe I sound a little harsh but at 16 I was living on my own had a job and was independent..... my dp daughter shows no interest in her dad unless it's Xmas or birthdays .... she then text him a amount she wants!!! Other than that her mum texts my dp asking if he going to make a effort with dd ???? When he tries to his dd is not interested.... for example last year my dp ex contacted him and said dd is out off control can u come and help me ... so he went to there house he said his dd was rude and walked off and ex asked him if he wanted to stay the night and get a bottle off wine lol he declined and came home .... I felt it was a ploy to get him there ... she has 3 other kids with different people but my dp was the one she always wanted .... Am I unreasonable to think he should have a relationship with his dd without the ex involved ??? She not little anymore she be 17 this year ..... I just think it's strange

How does he feel about it? How often does he see his daughter?

No two families are the same and while their set up seems odd to me as a step child and a step parent, if how they communicate is a long standing dynamic then it’s unlikely to change.

Ideally with a 16 year old, the child and parent can have a flexible relationship which isn’t restricted to rigid contact times and allows for the child to see friends and pursue hobbies and quality time with both parents.

It sounds like your partner could be a bit more proactive and he doesn’t need to go via his ex to see his DD. She presumably has a phone so can contact her to arrange meals at his or out and to catch up on what she’s been up to.

I’m not sure what you think the main issue is. His ex being involved? The present demands? The lack of regular contact?

She has a phone she can contact him any time he always texts or rings but she ignores him ..... and then he get a text off his ex saying wot u up too u haven't seen dd for ages do u fancy staying the night ??? I dunno it just seems strange to me it's like she uses dd as a platform to see my dp ... I mentioned it once to him I thought it was strange and he agreed ... he never texts ex bk but she send text after txt until he does ... I have no problem with him haveing a relationship with dd but it seems ex wants mire off a relationship than dd does

At 16 the ex shouldn't need to facilitate contact between your DP and his daughter.

Does your DP pay maintenance? Are there any issues there?

My DS is only 5 so me and his dad are in regular contact but certainly when he's 16 I'd expect him to be able to arrange to see his dad without me needing to sort it.

What has his relationship with his DD been like over the years?

Although I wouldn't see an issue with his ex sending him texts to talk about their daughter. But asking him to stay over is weird!

How old was she when he stopped seeing her regularly? It sounds like don’t have much of a relationship tbh and she doesn’t have space for him in her life apart from when she expects gifts.

That’s sad, but it didn’t come out of the blue and at some point she was a child who loved and wanted to spend time with her dad which isn’t now the case.

Your second post sounds more concerned with the ex than the daughter. He doesn’t have to speak to her and he isn’t. When she invited him to stay over he said no and came home. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about so I’d just ignore it.

Apart from when her mum asked him to go round, when is the last time your DP saw his DD? It sounds like they have no contact at all and if that’s what she wants then at her age there isn’t much he can do about it. As you know, 16 year olds can be very independent. I don’t see that it’s the DD asking her mum to contact her dad.

You have an ex issue and a dsd issue here and they are completely separate.

Just encourage your dp to keep contact with this daughter. Even if she is ignoring. It still means something to her.

The ex issue he needs to start ignoring her completely. She’s just using her daughter. If she messages about him coming over he should message the daughter and say your mum says you miss me everything ok? Let’s do lunch. And meet her away from the house.

Well, if your dp’s daughter is going through a hard time and the ex is finding it hard to deal with, then I think dp DOES need to be proactive with his DD, not just say, ‘oh she’s not interested’, so he trots back home. I’d say he needs to make more of an effort. This of necessity means seeing more of his ex, but so be it.

I think it depends on their relationship prior to teenage years.

Had he paid maintenence regularly and made the effort to consistently see here?

The asking for stuff at Christmas and birthday is normal teenage behaviour. Having a meaningful year round relationship is down to whether your do made the effort when she was younger.

It’s hard to tell what the ex is trying to do, I mean if your DP was picking up/dropping off DSD then they would be able to have a cuppa and touch base on what’s going on with her while she was getting her stuff out her room, IYSWIM. Could be the ex would like some co-parenting support, or not be the only one dealing with typical 16 y/o issues and wants them to have a relationship.

What happens if your DP texts back asking the ex for him to go round and take DSD out somewhere?

And you know, for every 16 y/o who could be working full time and renting a room with no worries, there’s probably another having a really tough time.