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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not cooking for him

28 replies

Applecrumble79 · 16/09/2018 10:34

I have been with my partner for a couple of years and have a teenage son from a previous relationship. I do not live with my partner but we see each other most days. The cost of food these days is not cheap and I have to maintain my house and son on a reasonable budget.

I tend to buy enough food for just me and my son with a few extras. My partner says I should cook an evening meal for him to ensure he eats a healthy diet. I found this astonishing. Whilst I offer him a plate when there are leftovers, I simply cannot afford to buy additional food. My 15 year old son eats me out of house and Home.

I asked if he would like to contribute financially to the shopping budget to enable me to cook extras but I don’t think he was keen.

Am I being u reasonable not to cook him a daily meal?!

OP posts:
RestingBitchFaced · 16/09/2018 10:39

He needs to contribute financially or he doesn't get any - simple as that. Cheeky fucker

RestingBitchFaced · 16/09/2018 10:40

Also 'to ensure he eats a healthy diet' are you his mother?

NCNCNC123 · 16/09/2018 10:40

Not at all. I mean, if he's there when you and your DS eat then I'd expect you to include him, but I'd also expect him to pay his share. But if he turns up later then I wouldnt expect you to, and if you did he should still pay his share.

And as for you ensuring he eats a healthy diet - my gasts are flabbered! Tell him you are not his mother and his diet is his responsibility.

Does he ever cook for you?

Bambamber · 16/09/2018 10:42

He doesn't live with you or contribute, but expects you to feed him? Does he want you to wipe his arse while you're at it? Tell him to grow up. Does he ever offer to cook for you?

Mumminmum · 16/09/2018 10:43

YANBU. Is he with you because he likes you or to save money on food?

CatboySpeed · 16/09/2018 10:45

Cheeky fucker.

OliviaStabler · 16/09/2018 10:45

YANBU. What an arsehole! I'd not cook for him at all unless he financially contributes or he is sponging off you. Surely he knows you are on a limited budget?

My partner says I should cook an evening meal for him to ensure he eats a healthy diet.

You're not his Mum and presumably he is capable enough of providing healthy food for himself.

Annabel7 · 16/09/2018 10:46

He's a grown man - I'm sure he can ensure he has a healthy diet himself. Maybe you could take it in turns? You cook for him one evening and the next he buys the food in and cooks for you. Seems like he's looking for a housekeeper or a replacement for his mum. If you don't fancy either of these roles, I'd kick him to the kerb...

Maelstrop · 16/09/2018 10:47

Cook your partner a meal? Sure, if he buys the ingredients! Wanker.

SkippedALightFandango · 16/09/2018 10:47

He doesn’t live with you or contribute financially and yet expects you to not only feed him but ensure he has a healthy diet? Hilarious 😂😂😂

mimibunz · 16/09/2018 10:48

He’s cheeky! Your son is your priority; he’s a growing boy. What does your partner bring to the relationship?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 16/09/2018 10:48

My partner says I should cook an evening meal for him to ensure he eats a healthy diet

Your partner would do well to remember he's a fully functional adult and needs to learn to look after himself because a) you're not his Parent and b) there's nothing more off-putting in a Partner than incompetence.

Does he have other ridiculously outdated views on women's places, or is he just trying it on?

YeTalkShiteHen · 16/09/2018 10:49

My partner says I should cook an evening meal for him to ensure he eats a healthy diet. I found this astonishing

Whether he’s paying or not, that’s a staggeringly arrogant thing to say! He’s showing you what he expects of you already OP, this is the life you’ll have if you ever live with him. Do you want that?

Oh, and if he wants to eat, he can contribute. Otherwise he’s a cocklodger that doesn’t even live there!

Give him a cookbook and a grip for his next birthday!

ItWentInMyEye · 16/09/2018 10:49

Just, wow. He sounds like a treat! YADNBU, tell him you'll cook for him if he buys in what you need... for all 3 of you to have the same meal! Cheeky bast.

easyandy101 · 16/09/2018 10:50

Do you eat round his?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2018 10:50

When does he cook for you?

Remind him you’re not running a bloody restaurant and his dietary choices are his own.

What does the relationship do you for OP? He sounds spoilt and demanding.

PinkHeart5914 · 16/09/2018 10:53

In a relationship where you see each other most days and if he is there at meal times I would expect you to eat together tbh bit weird otherwise imo you sit eating and he doesn’t! However I would expect you to take turns paying for dinner ingredients & cooking so neither of you is footing the whole food bill

LannieDuck · 16/09/2018 11:01

I would cook for him just as often as he cooks for you.

And it's not your responsibility to ensure he eats healthily.

Was he serious about that? Tread carefully OP; what else does he think is the woman's responsibility in a relationship? Doing the laundry? Picking up after him? Making him happy? Always smiling? You can see where I'm going with this...

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 16/09/2018 11:02

Thanks for all of your responses. Now I know I am not being unreasonable. He has cooked for me a handful of times. I like my space so happy with the living arrangements for now.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 16/09/2018 11:09

You’re definitely not being unreasonable OP.

At all. You’re putting your child and yourself first, and funding your own lives. He sounds like a chancer.

TeacupTattoo · 16/09/2018 11:12

What an unpleasant insight into him you've been given. He needs to either give you money or bring ingredients and cook. For a while my best friend was staying with me most weekends - he'd buy ingredients and cook, also help me when I was cooking (the kids preferred his Yorkshire's annoyingly lol) and we weren't in a relationship!! I really am utterly flabbergasted at the cheek of some men. Please don't accept this attitude.

Womaningreen · 16/09/2018 11:13

huge red flag.

powerwalk · 16/09/2018 11:15

I am not sure this man would be the one for me op. You are describing a very one sided entitled arrangement. If he arrived with groceries and you cooked together that is one thing, but for him to rock up empty handed each time expecting you to have cooked for him is quite another.

Have you pointed out that you are not a Mcdonalds drive through?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/09/2018 11:18

Yeah, nope.
He wants you to cook for him, he at the very least brings the food to be cooked, but even then I'd tell him to fuck off back to the 1950s, or his mother.
If he wants a reciprocal cooking arrangement, where you take turns to cook and he brings food when it's his turn, then that's a bit different - but how very retrograde of him to just expect you to cook for him without him having any input at all!

No. And I wouldn't be calling him your partner either - I know "boyfriend" is a bit daft-sounding when you're a bit older, but he's no partner to you really, is he.

BunnyCarr · 16/09/2018 11:19

Red flag.
What a loser.