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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - DH wants to buy a car

22 replies

Tangletwisters · 15/09/2018 23:38

DH lives in our family home in a city. DD and I moved to the country to be closer to relatives and live in a tiny rented house, DH visits every weekend. I feel in limbo renting and we are so cramped, DD has a box room and it is difficult to have friends over etc.

DH doesn’t want to sell house in city (even though it has empty rooms) so we can’t buy anywhere equivalent in the country.

After 2 years of searching, finally we have found a reasonable house to buy in the country which we can just about afford and can keep the place in the city, so everyone happy.

But then DH finds a classic car he wants to buy for £25,000 which would stop our new house purchase. He also has 2 existing classic cars that are off the road and in need of repair.

AIBU to be pissed off with him for even suggesting that he buy the car when his DW and DD need somewhere to live? He can’t understand why I’m upset.

OP posts:

SilverHairedCat · 15/09/2018 23:39

That's would be a definite "no" from me. YANBU. Sound like you need to spell it out in very simple terms to him. Is he usually selfish, or just on this point?

tigercub50 · 15/09/2018 23:43

YADNBU! And how can he not understand why you’re upset? A definite no, especially as he has 2 cars already. You need to have a serious talk.

Lollypop701 · 15/09/2018 23:44

Yanbu at all... Have to say dh is self centred idiot. Town house or cars. Not both. Because in a divorce he would be left with cars only!

trojanpony · 15/09/2018 23:46

As if you need to ask...
He seems very resistant to moving which suggests there is more to it/ this is just a manifestation of that resistance

The real question is what are you going to do about it?

Aquamarine1029 · 15/09/2018 23:54

Your husband is being a selfish twat. I would be absolutely fuming that he would even be considering this.

FrayedHem · 16/09/2018 00:03

Of course he understands why you're upset. He either doesn't care because he's incredibly selfish or is doing it intentionally because he enjoys the power he has over your living arrangements. Either way, I think a divorce would be on my mind a lot.

justilou1 · 16/09/2018 00:07

Is DH enjoying living the single life in the city while you are being a single mum during th week? Why else is he looking at classic cars?

bridgetreilly · 16/09/2018 00:09

I really don't understand why you aren't all still living in the family house in the city, tbh.

Rebecca36 · 16/09/2018 06:27

His priorities are seriously skewed. Of course the house purchase must come first, then you can all be together.

When you are older he can buy another Classic car and fill up your garage and driveway (like my husband and, yes, I do have a moan).

YeahILoveSummer · 16/09/2018 06:42

Is there a reason why he only visits every
other weekend? You and DD live in cramped accommodation and he lives alone in a house with plenty of room? He then wants to spend 25k on a car? That has to be a big no from you

Pompom42 · 16/09/2018 07:06

This is why they say men never grow up. He sounds incredibly childish.

firehousedog1 · 16/09/2018 07:07

How many classic cars does he have Rebecca?

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2018 07:26

Good heavens.
Just start divorce proceedings and buy yourself somewhere decent to live with your half.

Shoxfordian · 16/09/2018 07:29

His priorities are completely wrong. He sounds really selfish but why haven't you insisted on selling the townhouse? Could he commute from the country? It doesn't sound like you communicate well

Stuckforthefourthtime · 16/09/2018 07:30

Sounds like there's a lot of backstory here. Does he want you to be back in the city? It must be hard for all of you in this setup - and your priorities are clearly very different.

If it's just the classic car thing and you 100% need to be near relatives then he's being an arse. If you are choosing to be near your relatives and he wants the family back together and is feeling like he has to fund a life he doesn't want, then I can see some of his side too (though it's a bad way to express it).

eurochick · 16/09/2018 09:30

I agree. There is clearly more to this than has been posted. Why did you move out of the city? Why aren't you selling the city house to buy two smaller homes?

Rebecca36 · 16/09/2018 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HaveSomeGrace · 16/09/2018 13:39

Can you give him an ultimatum? City house or classic car?

Rebecca36 · 16/09/2018 13:40

firehousedog1 Sun 16-Sep-18 07:07:47
How many classic cars does he have Rebecca?
-
A couple - at least :-).

araiwa · 16/09/2018 13:45

Surely a bigger question is why you are buying a second home to live in?

serbska · 16/09/2018 13:46

Just start divorce proceedings and buy yourself somewhere decent to live with your half

^this

RedSkyLastNight · 16/09/2018 13:48

With other posters ... why have you moved to the country? Sounds like he may want you to move back to the city with him - hence all the roadblocks in the way of you buying a house in the country.

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