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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex may be moving in next door

10 replies

Help102 · 15/09/2018 22:47

Traumatic divorce, ex and I are not on speaking terms at all. There is a lot of bad feeling, and I can’t see that changing in the near future.

In the financial split, I remained in the family home with the dc, and ex kept a lot of other smaller assets and amounts of money, which amount to a similar value.

Since then he has made various choices which have meant that he is currently not able to have the dc over (though I go out every Saturday so he can be alone with them in my house) - he blames me for this, and feels hard done by, but he isn’t.

Now, his best friend, who owns the house next door, has apparently suggested that ex rent a room while he is sorting out his permanent accommodation.

Ex doesn’t have great boundaries as it is, and has no respect for me at all. I guess he will be in and out of my home (and I haven’t changed the locks yet and will have to do that) to see the dc.

More than that however, it is going to look to all and sundry as if I kicked him out, and he now has to rent a room next door. The financial reality is very different from that.

I do want the dc to spend more time with ex, but not by having him live two mms away Sad. It feels totally shit. Is there no end to the horrible feelings caused by this divorce?

Hopefully it won’t happen Confused.

OP posts:
Original poster
Help102 · 15/09/2018 23:13

Has anyone had to deal with this?

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 15/09/2018 23:15

Oh goodness, just to say that sounds bloody awful and I really feel for you Confused
Maybe try saying no way???
No idea how you could stop him....

Maelstrop · 15/09/2018 23:16

You shouldn’t have to, but can you threaten to sell up and move? Would he take you seriously if you said you would go if he moved in next door? Would he care that it was upsetting the dcs’ lives?

cochineal7 · 15/09/2018 23:18

Will the friend want a long term lodger though? Because if it is shortlived, it may not be worth fighting over. Change the locks though!

HeddaGarbled · 15/09/2018 23:18

Living next door to his best friend was never going to work anyway. You need to move.

Original poster
Help102 · 15/09/2018 23:19

I don’t think I can stop him. He may not do it, but if he does I think it will be for about a year.

I can’t explain how awkward it is between us, so to have that awkwardness permanently two mms away would be awful.

The thing about threatening to sell is that ex probably knows that it’s the last thing I would do at the moment...

OP posts:
Original poster
Help102 · 15/09/2018 23:22

The best friend doesn’t live there, but is the landlord.

Will definitely change the locks. I know I can't stop him, it just feels like even more weirdness to add to how dysfunctional everything already is.

OP posts:
Mascarponeandwine · 15/09/2018 23:27

I guess you can’t stop him moving in next door. If he knew it bothered you would he be even more keen to move in?

Change the locks, strict routine for him having the kids. Hand them over and shut your door, don’t let him in. If he’s next door he hasn’t got an excuse that he can’t have them in his place.

And then hope he moves on very soon. But don’t stress (or at least don’t react in front of him) about things you can’t control ie. where he lives.

Mascarponeandwine · 15/09/2018 23:28

Oh and screw what anyone else thinks they know about your financial settlement. Nothing to do with them and none of their business.

Original poster
Help102 · 16/09/2018 09:58

Yes, none of their business, you’re right.

OP posts:
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