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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give her a lift?

52 replies

hello365 · 15/09/2018 17:21

I have my driving test in 2 weeks time and if I pass I'll be getting a car and driving to work. One of my colleagues lives further up my street. I don't speak to her much at work and I don't consider her a friend. On the rare occasion that we chat she always asks how my driving lessons are going. I'm not sure if she's just making conversation or trying to hint that she'd like a lift to work when I pass so she wouldn't have to get the bus anymore.

I think sitting in the car with her would be awkward as we'd have nothing to talk about and I feel that as it's my car that I've paid for with my own money that I shouldn't have to share it if I don't want to. I wouldn't mind on rare occasions if it was raining or something, but I don't want it to become a regular thing. I hate conflict so if she directly asked me for a lift I'd feel very guilty about saying no.

AIBU to not want to give her a lift? How can I do this without looking mean?

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 15/09/2018 18:24

You could stick to getting the bus?

Haggishaggispudding · 15/09/2018 18:28

Why on earth would she do that Confused

girlalmighty · 15/09/2018 18:36

Just avoid her so much it would be awkward for her to ask?

ChinkChink · 15/09/2018 18:46

Tell her your insurance doesn't allow you to give lifts to work.

Most do but short of asking for your policy details she's not going to be able to prove you wrong.

9amtrain · 15/09/2018 18:48

If I asked some one for a lift and they replied "No, that doesn't work for me," I would think they were rude and weird and avoid them in future. I don't know why it is continually suggested as a response on MN. It´s weird and makes you seem like you have poor comprehension and language skills. Tailor your "no" to the question being asked.

I agree! If I said that in real life I'd probably get abuse thrown at me. Along the lines of "what is your problem you miserable bastard".[santa]

LaurieMarlow · 15/09/2018 18:57

She hasn't asked. Why are you stressing?

StartingGrid · 15/09/2018 19:02

Tell her how excited you are to pass as you hate having to share transport (bus etc) with other people and are so looking forward to time by yourself and peace and quiet when you pass! Surely she'll never get the nerve to ask after that

EK36 · 15/09/2018 19:04

She hasn't actually asked you, so don't worry about it. If she does ask, you can either ask for petrol money or you can say no I'm too nervous to take passengers.

MLTS · 15/09/2018 19:07

YANBU... but you've got to pass the test first anyway 😂

Sorry10 · 15/09/2018 19:15

I don't think it's about putting you out if she lives on the same street and you work same place. It would be nice to give her a lift but she would have to pay towards petrol. £15 a week bus fare isn't much compared to car costs as there is the upkeep of car to consider . So maybe say would need petrol money and if she's not keen on that then it's the bus then . Won't you feel bad passing her at the bus stop in bad weather if you refuse to give her a lift and do you really want your other colleagues calling you for being mean cause it kinda is .

themuttsnutts · 15/09/2018 19:21

These things are more diffthan you think:

Different start times
Holiday
Sickness
Things planned before/after work
People not being ready at pick up or leave time
Also, when I'd passed my test, I didn't like passengers. Found them too distracting.

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Just keep changing the subject and avoid her

woolduvet · 15/09/2018 19:31

"I'm really excited about getting my car, nobody talking to me on the way to work, I can go to the gym or shopping on my way....."

MrsStrowman · 15/09/2018 19:41

A local colleague used to give me her equivalent bus fare for driving her, even though I insisted it wasn't necessary, she said it meant her journey was 30-40 minutes instead of 90 and she was taken door to door, she already budgeted for travel and I was doing her a huge favour. It covered my petrol for the week, I told her that and said I felt bad but she insisted and said I was keeping it running, taxing, insuring etc and it meant she was home earlier for her DCs and she wasn't spending any more, she also understood some days I had to work different hours or had meetings elsewhere, I'd just let her know in advance. We got to know each other really well and are still friends although we've not worked together for years , so it really depends on the person, I didn't think she was a CF at all.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/09/2018 19:46

Tell her you're looking forward to the freedom a car will bring. Not having to rely on anyone else for getting around and doing what you want when you want. 🤞 for your test.

Samantha2018 · 15/09/2018 19:47

Think about having her pay parking costs? Or petrol

Snappedandfarted2018 · 15/09/2018 19:50

You haven’t even sat he test and passed and now your stressing over something that might be an non issue.

eddielizzard · 15/09/2018 19:58

'can you give me a lift? You'll drive right past my house anyway.'
'Sure, but you'll have to pay half the petrol.'
'Huh? But you're going there anyway!'
'True, but I also just forked out for lessons, car, insurance and petrol. So that'll be £30 a week. Plus we leave to and from work when I say. No exceptions.'

Any further argument / waffle you say 'Take it or leave it.' You owe her nothing, not even an explanation.

Job done. And if she takes you up on it at least she'll contribute.

TheSultanofPingu · 15/09/2018 20:12

The poor woman hasn't even mentioned you giving her a lift.
I sometimes moan about the price of my weekly bus ticket, but it doesn't mean I go around trying to scrounge lifts off everyone.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 15/09/2018 20:13

You are being a bit silly. She hasn’t even asked! Perhaps she’s mentioning the driving lessons to be polite as she knows that about you..?

AlpacaPicnic · 15/09/2018 20:20

Offer her a lift one time. As soon as she gets in the car, light up a menthol or clove cigarette or a joint and put the cd player on loudly. Play some Scandinavian death metal.
She won't ask again.

YolandiFuckinVisser · 15/09/2018 20:25

I used to give a lift to a colleague who lives near me, she has her own car but developed some anxiety about driving in the dark so asked if she could share (as in me doing all the driving while she contributed to petrol costs). It was fine, picked her up where I dropped DD for childminders and dropped her at the same place after work. She insisted on giving me far more cash than the petrol cost and pickes up driving again in the spring.

She drives herself now, whatever the season so hopefully the anxiety issue is resolved. We're not particularly friends so not sure what has changed but I'm happy for her that she's autonomous again and it really wasn't a bother for me.

No public transport options where we live and work by the way. If I'd said no she would have had to sort something out for herself.

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/09/2018 20:30

She's probably just trying to make conversation. It may be the only definite thing she knows about you. Have your answers ready so the question doesn't take you by surprise, but the question may never come.

Di11y · 15/09/2018 20:37

Just say it's your me time and you're not wanting passengers for a good while til you're more confident.

Redglitter · 15/09/2018 21:02

You haven't passed your test
You don't have a car
She hasn't asked for a lift Confused

Seems a bit premature to be worrying about it

NotACleverName · 15/09/2018 21:05

She's probably just making polite conversation. Not everyone in the world is some over-entitled CF. Stop looking for problems where there aren't any.