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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to ask how to cope with friends competitiveness

6 replies

LondonElle · 15/09/2018 11:54

Hi all, have had a very close friend for a decade, we met when our daughters were small and have been very good friends since, our girls go to the same schools, clubs etc and our interests are similar.
Her husband has steadily built up his career ( through not always by legitimate means- he dodges tax and gives himself cash bonuses etc) and they now have a much more comfortable existence. My husband has always had a good job and although we are by no means loaded we are comfortable.
The issue is that for the last few years everything I get something new she will suddenly get it in a better model etc, she seems to always be trying to get info out of me and then uses it to almost outdo me.
I’m not materialistic but it’s starting to get me down it’s like she can never be happy for me or my successes etc and she rarely talks about anyone bar herself.... she is a good friend in a lot of ways and our friendship used to be more of a two way street but now I find her frustrating to be around.. the problem is our lives are so entwined with one another it will be hard to make a complete break and I think I would miss her friendship... any tips on what to do?

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 15/09/2018 11:57

Just don't engage when the chat goes that way. Smile and move on.

The way I see it is either your friend has a queen bee need to be seen to be on top or she's showing off to compensate/cover up other areas that are less than perfect.

Avoid discussing material things and keep things light and breezy.

WhiteDust · 15/09/2018 12:00

Tell her nothing. Oh, and let the 'friendship' die.
She sounds like a PITA

Whatsthispain · 15/09/2018 12:01

You could approach it jokingly: "gosh, what's with all the elevenerifing lately??!!". Just know she's insecure, comparison is the thief of joy etc.

DemocracyDiesInDarkness · 15/09/2018 12:04

Seriously, I would stop being friends with her.

I distanced myself from a friend because her esteem was all predicated on her comparison with others. She had lost more weight, could run further, did more steps in a day, etc. She could only feel good about herself if her friends felt bad. Fuck that, that's not friendship.

I actually feel sorry for her, because her ability to be happy is all external, there's nothing inside her that says she's good enough as she is.

But I'm not giving her power over my esteem in order to boost hers.

Excited0803 · 15/09/2018 13:51

Ask her what she's overcompensating for?

YeTalkShiteHen · 15/09/2018 13:53

Really exaggerated response “did ye, aye?” response to any “anything you can do I can do better” type comments ought to knock it on the head.

Failing that just tell her to stop being such an insufferable boaster.

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