My 6yr old says she hates her body because it ‘makes her’ clumsy

[thisisthevixxen]

I’m so worried about my Dd & would appreciate any advice.

She’s recently turned 6. She has a sensory processing disorder which has a variety of symptoms from over sensitivity to sound to compulsive licking (yes really) of well...just about anything. Including people.

She’s also made of pure joy. She’s happy about everything until she’s not happy with everything. There’s no middle ground. People find her adorable. She IS adorable. And I’m very lucky to have such a beautiful soul as a daughter. But I’m also shit scared for her.

She isn’t like other kids. She has what can be best described as the random factor. She’ll be happily taking part in some activity that’s engaging her, she’s safe & chilled & all is good, you take your eyes off her for a minute. turn back & she’s eating soap/destroying something/beside herself because she’s seen an ant & now has to talk off her clothes in case there were more/trying to bite through a ruler/putting things in unmentionable places...god it’s endless.

We realised last year that it was more than just her age. She doesn’t process things like other people. She honestly can’t tell why colouring a picture with felt tips is good but drawing on the wall with them isn’t. If I warn her about my hot cup of tea, she’ll put her hands behind her back because she now feels compulsion to touch it, even though she knows it will hurt. She says I love you a hundred times a day. Took a professional to explain she means ‘I’m feeling something but I don’t know what or why’ when she says it.

She tries so hard to be ‘good’ - her word, not ours. We reassure her all the time that she’s wonderful just the way she is & that it’s not bad to be different. Sometimes that works, I’m sure it helps but today it didn’t. She was hitting herself and saying that she hates her body because it ‘makes her’ clumsy. We’ve certainly never called her that. In fact I’m not sure where she heard it. At school I suppose. Gentle probing didn’t tell me much. She says I don’t know a lot. I don’t know how it makes me feel. I don’t know what I mean. I don’t know if I’m happy. I don’t know if I like my teacher.
She had a meltdown this morning (first time ever) at the classroom door & im afraid it’s something to do with her new class. She had the same teacher in reception before we understood she needed help & she got into a lot of trouble. She asked me the day before term started if I could ‘imagine ever being trapped in a class I hate?’ But when I tried to ask her what she meant or if she’s worried she just said no & skipped off.

Obviously, we’ll talk to her teacher next week & start a dialogue about this. But beyond that I don’t know how to help her. Can anyone give me some advice? I’m worried sick. She’s so gorgeous, I can’t bear for her to be hurt or squashed into a round hole. She’s really kind & funny & smart. But she’s vulnerable too, in a way other children her age aren’t, if you know what I mean? I know there’s something very wrong but I don’t know what or what to do about it.

Thanks for listening x

Hey does she have hypermobility? I remember feeling awfully clumsy in my body and this was a fact

She sounds a lot like me - a dyspraxia diagnosis explained most of my 'quirks'

Op, I'm a teeny bit pissed so shan't try to be coherent.
Two things: she sounds wonderful and you describe her beautifully.
Second thing. Dyspraxic, hypermobility. Or just not understanding her SPD. I'm dyspraxic and hypermobile and clumsy as fuck. My body fucks me over a lot. It gets a bit better when you get older

Cantankerous- no she doesn’t but she falls a lot & sort of ricochets off stuff. Lots of head bangs.
May I ask how did you overcome feeling that way?

Moo, I’ve wondered about dyspraxia

JustlikeDevon, thank you. That’s something maybe I can tell her? That it’ll get easier

Has she been considered for autism spectrum condition?

Isadora, not formally. A friend who has an autistic child suggested it once & it is a spectrum so I wouldn’t rule it out. But the spd is what we’re all working on

Bless her little heart. You sound so supportive, I hope you both find a resolution. It's awful when we don't know how best to help our children. It does seem like her latest feelings are related to new teacher/class though.. All the best x

Random I suppose, but have you had her eyesight checked? I've been incredibly myopic since I was seven - I couldn't read the board in class and was always covered in bruises from running into things.

She sounds like a delightful child!

Is there a board or forum somewhere for people with a similar difference? Might be helpful to get some adult perspectives.

It sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job and that she is a lovely girl.
I don’t think you need to DO much really. But just let her express whatever feelings she has in any way she wants to. Reflect back to her what she is saying- and offer a non judgemental comment like “do you want to talk about that?”. If her focus is on her body you can talk later about other aspects of her body, about paralympians or other differently-abled people to help her see a wide range of bodies that may not seem ideal but actually do fab stuff regardless.

She does sound very like my friends little girl who was also diagnosed with SPD from very young but is now on the pathway for an ASC diagnosis age 7.

Curly - thank you :). I think so too but I’m glad of another opinion - I guess I’m afraid of going down the wrong path & causing more harm than good

Dancelike- her eyesight is ‘better than an airline pilot’ according to our slightly mad optician. We had her hearing checked & she has a ‘tendency to weakness’ in one ear that basically means she might develop glue ear. We keep a careful watch on that, especially when she’s got a cold but it doesn’t seem to cause too much trouble unless she’s in an echoey place like a swimming pool.

Thank you Isadora, that’s very comforting. We do emphasise safe space & open sharing. She definitely trusts me to know what to do & fix it (no pressure then) & she talks to me. Or rather, she’ll throw herself on me, rub my nose with hers & shout I love you mummy! I love love love you & wish I was still in your tummy! Which means ‘I cant tell so im checking in with you to make sure I’m being good.’
Should also point out I have fibromyalgia so I spend more time than I can afford in bed. Consequently I have a huge one where my kids can come & see me/play games/ read with/watch film ms etc when I’m laid up. We call it the family bed after the stickman book & its a safe space for everyone.

I wondered if it’s me she’s getting this ‘I hate my body’ from though I don’t think I ever say that. I did point out that I’m pretty clumsy with my stick but that’s okay. Don’t know if it helped

Awwwww bless you all. You sound like a lovely family. She definitely sounds very much like my friends little girl too. Help her to find things to self regulate and have plenty down time available- your family bed sounds ideal.

It sounds as if she is very self-aware, but because she's so young can't really articulate how she feels. She has an understanding, but not the words to express that understanding.

Does her diagnosis of SPD mean that she gets support from OT? My DS was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 7, and later assessed as having significant and complex sensory processing issues. For a time he went every couple of weeks to the Occupational Therapy Dept at the local children's hospital for one on one support from a really excellent OT. Unfortunately, she left and her replacement did her best, but it just wasn't the same. They did run a small group for children with sensory processing issues, and my DS did get a lot from that, and he enjoyed it. I think it also helped him to see that there were other children who were like him in some ways, and the OTs did help him to recognise what was going on, and gave him strategies for coping.

If your DD isn't getting OT input or only a little support, then it sounds like she would benefit from seeing an OT.

She sounds like a lovely wee girl.