To want to go PT / be a SAHM

[BeeBum]

NC for this as certainly outing!

2 months ago I started what should be my dream job, it's exactly what I've always wanted to do and I do really enjoy it. My colleagues are amazing, my commute is spot on and everything is lovely etc.

Only issues is, I'm now realising my dream job is actually being my 16 month old DS' mum (I use the term "job" lightheartedly).

Prior starting the dream job I had a couple weeks off with DS as had to wait for him to start his new nursery too. They were bloody amazing 2 weeks despite my health rapidly declining lately.

Now I have mentioned my health as this plays a part in why I think being PT or a SAHM might be for me.

Recently I've had another lapse in depression and anxiety but back on the meds again (was off them due to pregnancy and BFing). But work is super stressful and with working full time with long hours and then getting home trying to cook, get DS ready for bed and everything ready next day it is a struggle.

But also now have on going physical issues. Whilst this doesn't stop me from doing day to day stuff completely, it does wipe me out by end of the day and sometimes I have to take strong pain killers so can't drive. Plus stress certainly makes the pain worse for me.

Both my mental and physical health issues have just highlighted to me how much I am worried I'll miss my little boy growing up.

Am I being selfish? I just hate thinking DS is being bought up by other people for 11 hours a day 5 days a week! Worried I'm being selfish too as I am sluggish on some days due to physical health issues! But my parents and PIL could possibly be on hand if need be.

AIBU for asking my boss to go PT after only being there 2 months? (FYI job was originally advertised as PT or FT and it was made clear I could take either as it's a flexi job in interview but I've now taken on FT work load!)

Obviously other issues is finances, I need to work it out really as technically I'm the "bread winner"

I've spoken to DH and he said as long as we aren't living skint he's happy for me to go PT or be a SAHM, but he did say he'd expect me to have more share of house work done (currently it's pretty 50:50)

Sorry feel like this is just a rant now! But after some advice and thoughts

Part time work literally saved my sanity. 1.5 days off. I use the half day for house and admin jobs (DS still at nursery that day) but I get to drop him off which is lovely.

Then one glorious day when we just have fun. Yesterday we went to the zoo. It was great.

Not sure I'd hack being a SAHM. Work makes appreciate how awesome the DCs are. Home makes me appreciate how awesome not having to deal with anyone else's bodily fluids for an 8 hour window is!

If you can afford it, do it!

Ah would be nice to have a half day to crack on with the chores ILoveAnOwl

I am gonna sit down and look at the finances properly tomorrow during DS' nap but in pretty sure we would be okay having a quick glance. I know we wouldn't be able to afford to keep him in nursery though but tbh I think I'd want him with me at home anyway.

Only thing I think we would struggle with would be if we had a 2nd child before DS turns 3.

Yes do whatever you can to sort it. It sounds like work will be accomodating. You only get once chance to enjoy this time with your children. There's no point in being so exhausted you just want to get them to bed.

Could you work from home at all? I do for days, but one from home so it's a much shorter childcare day. I like the pattern a lot

I'm 3 months in after deciding to quit my incredibly stressful, and demanding job. I now work 3 days a week, in a job that I love. I have time, I under estimated how important having time to do things was. I'm not longer rushing, watching the clock, shooing the kids along.

The stress and crippling anxiety I was experiencing has almost gone. As a family we are so much happier.

Do it, if you don't need to be full time and stretch yourself in a million parts don't.

Ps. I'm also an internet stranger - so make the right decision for you!

Twillow thank you! I hope they will be. Just don't want them to think I'm being a massive selfish idiot, especially as they are already accommodating with hospital appointments and stays. I suppose I can suggest I ensure I arrange them on my non-working days though!

Thurlow I work with sensitive information that is best left not accessed remotely and besides i am pretty sure i would get distracted.

thingywotsit internet strangers help give other perspectives though! I know my mum will think I'm an idiot for "giving up my career" as she doesn't see it possible to build one PT or whilst being heavily focused as a Mum.

Please go For it.
Whichever option PT it SAHM.
This time is precious

Not selfish at all. I personally didn’t want to work full time whilst having pre schoolers. I’m currently on my second ML but normally I work 3 days a week, which is great and a nice balance. I couldn’t be at home all the time though- I think that’s the hardest job!

I think you should first explore avenues that deal with your mental and physical health before quitting a job you say is perfect for you. Two weeks at home with a baby isn’t a good basis for becoming a SAHM.

LoveObject I think it is a job that should be perfect for me but in reality I'm struggling with the stresses of it and the pull on my emotions at missing DS. I do value your point though because it's a worry I have, 2 weeks isn't long to judge if I could actually do it, especially as I returned to work when DS was 5 months old. Previously I just assumed my emotion to stay at home with DS was due to not liking the company I was working for but now I'm not so sure. (I should add prior pregnancy I was working elsewhere and thoroughly enjoyed my job). Not sure what I can do to address my health issues though beyond what I'm doing already? (Suggestions very much welcomed)

Do what makes you happy, they are only little for a short time. I’m going back to work part time, at least that way you keep your job and could possibly go back full time in the future.

I don’t think you will end up having any extra time to recouperate your health or spend quality time with your son.
You will have your hospital appointments on your days off, when currently you can do these during working days. Your husband has made it pretty clear you will be doing the lions share of the housework.
I feel jaded but how many posts on this board are written by women in minimal/no paid employment who have partners who have abdicated all responsibility for the daily running of the household? Your husband has been pretty quick to shift responsibility to you if you were to drop your hours.
I would go PT at most, or have another child (health permitting) and enjoy both DC’s on maternity leave.

Personally I think you should go PT.
2 months into the role? Fine to say you made the wrong call and want to be PT. Especially if you can be a bit flexible until they find someone to job share with you.

I would think twice about just giving it up altogether. It is very hard to get back into work after a break. I have been amazed how much all the stereotyping happens as soon as you apply after a break.

Also personally I know I’m a much better parent when I get to miss my children! I really look forward to my time with them. When it was every day I didn’t.

It's not selfish, it's generosity to your kid. As long as it doesn't ruin everyone's life due to money problems, definitely go for it. You can always get another job if things change. And at two months you're presumably still in probationary period so can just put in your notice and away.

Although I've a lot of respect for newmum's point about being a better parent when you get to miss them! Being a full-on SAHM is also hard.

If you can go part time this is a great answer. If not, think very carefully before giving up work altogether, the novelty of being on maternity leave wore off very fast for me.

I think you should go to 3 days if you can afford it. I do 4 days (can't afford to do 3) and love my Monday off with my dd. It's also incredibly useful to have a weekday off for things like getting the car serviced, going to the dentist etc.

Be honest with work, say you're missing your ds and think working part time would be best. See what they say. I had a battle to get my 4 days, but it was worth it.