IABU

[TheWholeHog]

And I know it.

Dh’s best friend, who lives the other side of the country, got a new girlfriend a couple of years ago. He brought her down to meet us one weekend, and I thought she was fine. A bit standoffish maybe, or maybe just shy, who knows?

Anyway, after the weekend, I friend-requested them on FB. Was ignored by both, until a few weeks later, when I got notification that she accepted my request. It was obviously a mistake on her part though as she unfriended me straight away.

DH informed me today that they’re coming to visit tomorrow for a couple of days. I know I’m being very childish and unreasonable, but I am miffed. And feeling a bit sniffy about the whole thing. Miffy and sniffy. And I also know I’m being petty and petulant and very silly. But the cheek of her expecting me to host her for two days when she wouldn’t even accept my FB request!

Please help me to rearrange my mindset into a more socially-acceptable one please.

Did your DH invite them, and was he aware of the FB issue?

Yadnbu

So your DH has told you they're coming to stay for 2 days? Is it not your house too? Did you not at least get told before he invited them? You should have been asked if it's ok not just told. I'd be more annoyed about that to be honest then I'd book myself 2 nights in a spa hotel.

No, we were told they’re coming to stay. A few months ago, we were told they were visiting in September, but I’d kind of forgotten about it.

I presume DH’s friend sort of asked at the time, but he’s been DH’s best friend for so long that it’s kind of like a family thing where you don’t need to ask.

Tbh, I’m not annoyed about DH telling me they were coming because I do the same to him with my friends (but if either of us had a serious problem with it, we’d say). And I’ve already made plans to go out tomorrow night with other friends, which I’m not changing and DH is totally fine about me not changing, so it’s only Sunday I’ll have to see them really.

And yes, DH was aware of the FB thing, but he’s not on FB or any social media really and doesn’t get it.

I know this is obvious but people use FB in different ways. I don’t like adding people either, unless they are “proper” friends (which you may become obviously, just not within 1 meeting)

So UABU

But the cheek of her expecting me to host her for two days when she wouldn’t even accept my FB request!

Perhaps she doesn't really expect it, but as her DP and yours are best friends, she may have reluctantly agreed?

Is there anything on your FB that you think she might have read and thought 'no'?

Facebook is garbage and DOES NOT MATTER. To waste a second of your energy being upset about a declined friend request is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Please give your head a wobble and deactivate your account if this is who Facebook makes you become.

Yes, that’s what the rational side of my brain is telling me, glint. The rational side is giving me at least ten different reasons why they might not have accepted my request.

The sulky teenager side (I’m in my forties ) is going “Well. They didn’t want to be friends with you, so Fuck Them.” This is the side I need to get under control before they arrive.

Lol, yes you are being unreasonable about the Facebook thing. Everyone uses Facebook differently, it means nothing.

This might be the most passive aggressive thing I've ever suggested, but I'd be the most gracious southern belle kind of host ever while subtly bringing up facebook references around them, like "oh, I saw x video on facebook/my friend sent me such a funny meme on facebook"
Just to make them extra uncomfortable without really hurting anyone .
I've an odd sense of humour. I was raised by the most wonderful passive aggressive orthodox catholic parents ever though (the posh kind you only see in tv shows).

That’s a good point, Worra. She might also be going, “Oh, Ffs!” while reluctantly trailing after her DP.

My FB is totally locked down, so you can’t see anything unless you’re my friend, and I was on it when she friended/defriended me and there wasn’t enough time to read anything so she probably just clicked the wrong button.

That is the kind of straight-talking I need, @Aquamarine1029. I do know I am being ridiculous.

I don't think it was a mistake.

I think she accepted the request suddenly because she’s coming down to stay this weekend, she thinks you’ve had a notification of acceptance but what she doesn’t realise is that you know that she then swiftly unfriended you. You don’t get a notification of unfriendjng so she thinks she’s hoodwinked you

I get why you’re pissed off, and would just keep a wide berth his weekend. Be polite but not too friendly!

Facebook is a pile of shit anyway.

No, it was last year that the FB thing happened, @FabulousTomatoes. (I love your username!)

We don’t see them very often, because of the distance and general being-busyness.

I am now torn between being all pass-agg like @BriKelly10 suggested and being an actual grown-up. I will probably go with the grown-up solution, but be pass-agg quietly, in my own head,

Update: I got over myself and ended up actually really liking her. We had a nice weekend and I managed not to be a passive-aggressive dick.

Yay for being a grown-up.

Go you
Glad it worked out. I wonder why she unfriended you?

I don't know, and I didn't ask. I'm hoping it's like PPs have said, that people use FB in different ways. Either that or she thinks I am actually a total dick and was just pretending to be nice all weekend.

Could it be that she didn't realise who it was? Maybe she didn't know your last name if it's her do ehonis friends with your dh?

Glad your weekend went well though!