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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

12 replies

BellaFreckle1 · 14/09/2018 11:47

Hey everyone, first post on mumsnet and hoping one of you ladies can give me some advice.

I’m on a weekend break atm with my oh and his family. We are away for a family birthday for a relative to lives down south. We were away with the family for 2 weeks in the summer also.

This is my first time meeting these relations down south and I suffer terribly from social anxiety and I hate being in a large group of people who I don’t know all that well. Add alcohol into the mix and I just feel 10X worse.

We have been here since Thursday morning and are due home on Sunday so we have 2 nights left. I don’t want to be unreasonable but I would feel better if my oh and I, along with his brother and sister and partners just stayed in our apartment tonight and had a few drinks/takeout together rather than go out again ... we have a big party tomorrow night and I’m anxious about that as is.

I don’t want to come off as a drama queen/killjoy but I don’t know how to bring this up with my partner. I don’t want to ruin anyone else’s trip but I’m really struggling.

Going away as a group just makes me uncomfortable, I feel under pressure the whole time because we’re always trying to keep everyone else happy.

Side note: I am on 50mg of sertraline to help with depression and anxiety. I have been great up until this trip.

I also have a copper coil/iud and my period started yesterday. It’s so heavy and I’m in constant pain.

OP posts:
Cupcakecafe · 14/09/2018 11:51

What are the plans supposed to be for tonight?
Could you mention to oh that you're in pain and don't fancy going out? Does it matter if the others go out without you and oh, if yes, does it matter to you or them?
I would say yanbu, but the others may not be happy to just stay in and they anbu to still want to go out regardless.

LoveAGoodChat · 14/09/2018 11:58

Just say to your OH that you feel tired/stomach feels a bit dodgy/ got a headache and need to lie down in a quiet room / say you won't be joining them tonight, but he should go out with them and enjoy himself,...then if they say oh but we can't leave you out, say you are not feeling up to going out tonight but if they want to stay in with you you would.ve happy with a takeaway and a drink.

peachgreen · 14/09/2018 12:00

I think if you're on holiday specifically to meet your partner's relations you really have to just suck it up and get on with it. You're only there for a few nights, I don't think you can ask your partner not to see his family for one of those. Obviously if you're not feeling well you can stay home yourself to rest but I don't think you should ask your partner to stay too.

LoveAGoodChat · 14/09/2018 12:12

*would be happy

Di11y · 14/09/2018 12:15

Unfortunately I think you could stay home by yourself saying you're not feeling great, but your oh should carry on as planned. You've come a long way.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 14/09/2018 12:22

Could you not say you're feeling tired (or have a headache) and stay back alone? I don't think you could insist anyone else stays back with you though.

RedSkyLastNight · 14/09/2018 12:27

If you are being sociable on other days, I don't think there's an issue with saying you'd like a quiet night just for once. Presumably if it's your OH's family he has plenty of catching up he can do without you?

And, if alcohol makes things worse, maybe don't drink?

Travis1 · 14/09/2018 12:30

I'd bow out and let your OH and his family go out, just explain to him you're not feeling great

Creeper8 · 14/09/2018 12:33

Cant you stay in alone?

stellabird · 14/09/2018 12:34

Tell OH you've got a bad period, and stay back alone. For heaven's sake don't say that you want those other people to stay back too - what excuse would you have for doing that ?

Just a thought, but going on group holidays is such a bad idea if you are not naturally sociable. I'd find it like hell on earth. In future, plan on some holidays just with DH.

Excited0803 · 14/09/2018 12:38

Let DH know you don't feel great and would like to stay in, you're happy to stay in alone or hang out with everyone. He can decide if it's best to offer them all the option or just say you're staying in so they don't feel obliged to stay with you. When it's a few days of events having one siblings-only night would be nice anyway.

beck3001 · 14/09/2018 12:54

I don't think you're being unreasonable for not feeling like going but it would be unreasonable to ask everyone else to stay in.

Whenever I'm suffering with my anxiety, I just tell my fiancé to go ahead without me

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