Can I step in and stop my sixth former from going to bed late or is it not my place anymore?

[happybloomin]

Hi! I have an almost 17 year old. She is at sixth form and goes to bed ridiculously late. Usually around 3am and then is up at 6:30am! She usually has an hour nap when she gets home and does it all again the next night!! At GCSEs she still felt very much like a child and I did what I thought was responsible (turning off router, grounding, etc.) but I don't know if that's acceptable any more. Help appreciated.

I'm struggling with this at the moment. My ds is 17 in October and has just started his A levels. I tell him to be asleep by 11.30 bit some nights he wakes me up banging around in the early hours. It drives me mad.

They aren't children but they're certainly not adults. It's a very strange dynamic.

If it's your house you have every right to turn the router off so I would, say it's saving electric or something if you don't want to say that it's because she stays up too late.although I would sit down with her and say 3.5hrs sleep isn't enough for anyone let alone someone who is then getting up to go and study, what is it she's doing untill 3:30am

Tell me about it! It's a nightmare. Luckily I'm rarely woken up.

Oh god knows, she watches YouTube, Netflix, goes downstairs and catches up in catch up, watches films, a whole bunch of stuff like that

But 3am is ridiculous and then up at 6:30

Maybe approach as a ‘ family/ household’ issue and say you were reading that getting too little sleep , staying up watching screens etc is damaging for everyone and you have decided ( after reading the stats/ expert advice to switch off router after 10:45pm Sun to Thurs nights??

You certainly need to have the conversation about sleep and health, her ability to learn etc, and set some sleep hygiene rules for the whole household, eg router off, mobiles off after a certain time

Most of that it iternet based so yes I'd definitely be turning the router off, tell her she'll miss all these hours of wasted sleep when she's older like me ha

I'd be turning the router off taking it to bed with me.

You still need to parent teenagers this age, whether they like it or not.
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That's really not enough sleep, unless she's sleeping a considerable amount in the day...but even then, it's not particularly healthy. Talk to her from the angle of concern to start with and see how it goes? Approach her respectfully to start with and try to discuss what might need to change. Maybe she'd appreciate some help with an evening routine, like suggestions and ways to relax.
Don't turn the router off if it does come to that. Long periods of being off can interfere with your bandwidth I think. Better to set passwords and timer controls etc.

There’s not a lot you can do, really. She needs to learn for herself: “Don’t complain about the grades you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.”

Make it clear that if she messes up (e.g., doesn’t get the A levels required for the university course she wants to do due to not putting the work in) you will not support her and she will need to get a job and / or move out.

Gradually stop doing things for her, e.g., laundry, paying for clothes and toiletries, so she starts to understand that this will all soon become her responsibility and she will need to work for what she wants.

Staying up late at weekends or holidays is up to her, though. If she misses family events or other opportunities due to sleeping in late then tough.

Just try to keep things light and breezy: ‘It’s a shame you missed our day out, So-and so’s visit, the shopping trip, the laundry being being done, the trip to the beach, etc.’ She chooses to stay in bed, she chooses to miss out and have a say in things.

It’s your house and they are your child, teens Male idiot choices and you should support them in making better ones.

Turn off the router and demand everyone is up and at it by 7.30. Going to bed at 4am is less appealing if you know you have to be up 3 and a half hours later

turn the router off so I would, say it's saving electric or something if you don't want to say that it's because she stays up too late.although I would sit down with her and say 3.5hrs sleep isn't enough

I agree with Myneighbourisodd.

I think sometimes parents have to be the villain of the piece, and the teenager ends up liking / sort of likes it, as they feel better (e.g. less screen time, more sleep) and are semi-grateful that the parent insisted upon something they didn't have the willpower to do by themselves.

I have a DD the same age and stage. I think that it depends on how pleased she was with her GCSEs. Is 6th form college the way she wanted to go? Is she studying the subjects she wanted to?
I think based on these things, you can have a conversation.

But it might be a bigger conversation if it turns out she's not enjoying what she's studying now

As someone who used to do this ( as a teen living independently) I would advise her that you’ll be turning the internet off.

Being deprived of sleep can affect you in the long term and she’s making a rod for her own back.

Is she using your Netflix account also? I would change the password to it.

She may see it as unfair / May be grump for a few days but she needs a propper sleep schedule

After we caught my 17 year old up at all hours, I told him that if he wanted to game all night then he had to leave school and get a job. Otherwise he played by the rules and went to bed at a reasonable time.

That seemed to work. Now he is at college it's up to him but he's realised that he can't game late and get up at six!

Yes definitely turn the router off. Did this with DS1 until he'd left 6th form. We also have younger DCs and didn't want him wandering around and waking us all up.

Yes, you can. I have DD in same school year although not 17 for a while. I try and encourage her to go to bed when I go up but I go at 10ish and she’s never ready then. Am hoping dh checks too when he comes up.
3 hours sleep is not enough - turning router off I’d acceptable still but won’t stop 4g on phone.