AIBU to ask for a text before you stop by

[Blackbird18]

I was just wondering if anyone has any issue with family just stopping by the house and letting themselves in. I’m not sure If it’s because I’ve always had to call or text family to see if it’s okay before I stop by but DH and his family seem to think its normal and I don’t want to upset anyone. Sometimes it can be embarrassing, his PIL have stopped by and let themselves in before when I’ve been stepping out of the shower and DH was out so I’ve come rushing down in a towel. Then this week I was in the middle of the afterschool routine which goes something like home from work, homework, quickly put tea on (pots and pans on the side), bath, story and bed when who should walk in as I get DC out of the bath but PIL. DC is like a hurricane and there are clothes everywhere, homework is out and hair not dried, kitchen is a mess. FIL walks in and for some reason walks around the house I really feel like this is an inspection of sorts as he goes into the kitchen and bathroom and straight out again so no real reason to go in there (maybe just me being paranoid as I was embarrassed by the state of the house). I was mortified as I was going to tidy up once DC was in bed. I tried speaking to DH about it and just said a quick warning saying they were on their way would’ve given me time to throw the washing away and load the dishwasher. He doesn’t see the big deal which makes me think maybe I should be grateful they’re coming to see DC. I do love PIL a lot btw I just mainly want to know if it’s just me?

This would drive me crazy too, I think it's rude to just turn up and let yourself in with no notice.

Yeah that's a bit weird. Can you lock the front door from the inside and leave the key in so their key won't work and they'll have to knock?

YNBU although it sounds like they are visiting because they care but a quick text beforehand would be courteous.

I did start leaving the key inside but sometimes I forget by habit you know in the rush of things you just don't expect it sigh

Apart from anything else, people just being there unexpectedly can scare the shit out of me if I haven't heard them come in! I have to get my husband to text if he decides to come home from work early as if he doesn't and if I have music on or hoover or something and don't hear him I jump out of my skin and do that weird laughing / crying after. Didn't have that problem when we lived in a newer house with thin walls it's only since we moved.

Anyway that's not the point of the thread. I think it's rude, unless you're very very close and they know exactly what you're up to at all times they are just doing whats convenient for them and not caring about what they're interrupting

I'm exactly the same AmIRightOrAMeringue very jumpy when DH comes home unexpectedly. I tried telling DH that I'm a little worried that they may walk in one day when were DTD and we'll all be scarred for life ha! making a joke of it .

Yanbu.

Unannounced visitors - irritating

Unannounced visitors who let themselves in with a key - irritating and seriously rude

Unannounced visitors who let themselves in with a key and then walk around hoisting up their judgey pants - there is a special place in hell for those irritating & rude fuckers!!

Omg I have this too!!!! I always ALWAYS put the two latches down on the door too so even if they tried to let themselves in they couldn't. If I hear they've tried to let themselves in to no avail I just pretend I haven't heard them and then continue to ignore the knocks. I've had the MIL ring me to say she was outside at which point I play dumb and be like "OMG COME IN WHATS HAPPENED THIS MUST BE AN EMERGENCY????!!" And then when she was like "oh no just popping by" (even though she lives ages away and sees us all the time) I just replied like "ermmmm what, sorry, I don't understand? are you saying there's no emergency??" and make her spell it out that she's just being incredibly rude and disrespectful

You won’t change them. All that will happen is you’ll be resentful because your Pil and you dh don’t see it as a problem.

You have 3 options

1. Bitch and moan about it and let it become even bigger than it is

1. Accept it

1. Get into the habit of locking your door

I don’t think options 1 and 2 will work so that leaves you with 3

Btw, I agree with you. Though I don’t mind unexpected visitors, I would mind someone just walking into my house. I think it’s incredibly rude and I don’t care who they are.

Pretty usual here, door’s unlocked 99% of the time and knocking just winds the dogs up.

Definitely lock the door.

My PIL are/were like this, so I started to lock the door. They now don’t knock on the door but make their way to the front window and stand there gurning and knocking like some kind of horrir film. Other than live in permanent darkness I’m at a loss.

YANBU!! I had this issue and ultimately ended up buying a new front door that did not open from the outside, worked a treat. If they have a key though that would not work for you.

I also started putting the chain on and MIL walked straight into the front door several times.

We did try asking them to call first but they just looked at us blankly and never did!

I don't mind unannounced visitors, In fact I wish more people would just pop in rather than planning everything. BUT. I'd be completely passed off if someone let themselves into my house without warning YANBU

Family calling in without notice is fine but I'd be very put out if they just let themselves in. Why do they have keys?

Family never announce themselves here, whether it’s parents or kids popping to ours or us popping to their houses, but we do tend to avoid grandkids’ bedtimes. We also have teenage kids at home who come and go with friends continually.

I guess my only option is to make sure I leave the key in and perhaps get a chain or one of them turny lock things. I dont want to let it be a big deal I just wondered if I WBU. I didn't know they had a key at first it was something the DH did as apparently the family all have keys for each other's houses . PIL and their children just in case of emergencies. Granted they don't use the key all the time as I've left the door unlocked a few times MY mistake . I guess it's different families upbringing with the turning up unexpectedly . I just felt this time was an odd and inconvenient time with DC bedtime routine etc. Ah well lesson learnt this time ... never keep an untidy house and lock all doors !!! Thanks everyone for not making me feel insane

My Fil once called round and brought a friend whilst we were out for the day. The house was a shit tip because it was the school holidays and we’d been busy rather than home doing housework. The kitchen was a mess because we hadn’t cleared up the supper things from the night before or the breakfast things and made hurried packed lunches too. Apparently he and the friend had a nice leisurely pot of tea.

^ oh my ... no way MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig I would be mortified

My SIL fell out with us about something similar. We were arranging a family gathering - both sides. She lives a few hours away and if asked to arrive no earlier than X time due to the preparations. She got the jump as she is family (as was everyone else) and they should be able to arrive when they want, rather than be told a time. Seriously she is still put out!

I think it’s jus the way we live now, in that nobody knocks unannounced. So when there is a knock you’re like “who is that” and you know it’s wither an emergent or a time waster. We have NEVER had an emergency!

My DD now if someone knocks even says the same.

My pet hate. Hate hate hate it so much!! The in laws have finally got the hint but now just never bother coming at all 🙈

How can they get in, do they have a key?
I'd put another lock on the front door and use it when you want no interruptions, take the key out and put on nearby shelf. A bolt would do actually though might be obvious you are in.

Yes they are rude and I wouldn't blame you for mentioning it and suggesting they contact you beforehand to see if it is convenient for them to come.

Get bolt locks fitted or change the locks and delay giving them the key.