DH slow talked to me

[legocardsagain]

Like. I'm. A. Moron.

So as not to drip feed: I have fibromyalgia and other conditions. I take heavy duty painkillers and have fatigue. My cognitive functions are slower than they used to be; this is the most distressing symptom out of everything I have. I feel like a piece of who I am is lost.

I was trying to speak to DH. I told him I was going upstairs to bed, but I hadn't had my evening painkillers yet. I was then going to say, can you bring me up some fruit and I'll take them with that. He interrupted me.

He asked if there was any bread upstairs (we have a toaster in our bedroom essential for off days when moving is hard). Because he interrupted me, it took me a while to work out how to answer. I was thinking about the answer to the question, but also the relevance. So I didn't answer straight away, I gave him a confused look. So he 'slow talked' at me. Is. There. Any. Bread. Up. There?

I'm right to be miffed, aren't I? He's being a dick? Or am I being sensitive?

Yanbu. What did you say?

Yes that's incredibly rude.

"My cognitive functions are slower than they used to be; this is the most distressing symptom out of everything I have. I feel like a piece of who I am is lost."

That's how my meds for a different condition make me feel, like part of me is gone or muted.

I'd say dick. For interrupting and the slow talking.

I’m sorry your situation sounds really hard. But maybe he thought he was being helpful spelling it out because he knew you were struggling? Also, even the most loving of partners can be impatient at times...was this a one off or a default position?

Extremely rude in any circumstances or to anybody. Especially rude since he’s aware of your medication and its side effects.

YANBU

He was very rude. He deserved a smack.

Extremely rude of him. I hope you made your annoyance very clear. [ang

He's a dick

Has he got form for this?

It's a bit of both. He was being a bit of a dick and you are being a bit over sensitive.

It's one of those tiny moments in a marriage between two people. One of whom has serious health concerns, the other who lives with and worries about a partner with serious concerns.

I'd let it go. It was a moment.

It sounds really rude but... was he attempting (badly) to help?

My DH can say the stupidest things sometimes about my illnesses but I know he doesn't mean it maliciously at all.

He was a dick.

Tell him clearly that you will not tolerate him talking to you like you're an idiot and that next time you interrupt his train of thought he better hope that you don't talk to him like he's an idiot.

My DH once made a condescending and rude mark about my job and said I was a PA (I'm not a PA). I told him that I never want hear a comment disparaging my job ever again. That even if I'm cleaning toilets in McDonalds he better respect what I do and keep his opinions to himself.

I hear you . But it’s not a massive deal, just ask him not to.

Of course its a big deal.

In the whole 25 years of our relationship my DH has never spoken like that to me .

If he had before id have never married him. And if he did now id make sure he never did again on pain of us splitting up .. You are ill not unable to understand .

He’s allowed to get it wrong sometimes, you know when something just comes out in the wrong tone. If its part of a bigger pattern, then no, yanbu.

@Havaina I'm a PA

It’s really rude, very disrespectful to talk to your spouse like that. Did you ask him what he was playing at?

I’m sorry,op I am recovering from a severe head injury, going into my second year. My husband sometimes “fast talks” me. It might take me a skip longer to form an answer to a question. Dh will often answer for me. He says he hates to see me struggle with word searching. I have told him it makes me feel diminished and ashamed.

I'd be more concerned about a toaster in the bedroom, you don't want to be having a fire. That really would be bad.

I have fibro and if someone interrupts me I can't just pick up the conversation, It takes ages to get back on track.

That was a really nasty thing your DH did.

That behaviour reminds me of my ex-husband, who clearly wasn't paying attention to the 'in sickness and in health' part of the wedding ceremony.

Havaina what's wrong with being a PA? 🤔

@Rudgie47

How is a toaster any different from hairdryer, straighteners etc. And what's the difference between it sitting on a worktop in a kitchen and sitting on a worktop in a bedroom?

She's presumably not sleeping with the toaster under her duvet and making toast while wrapping the covers around it. It's really not anymore dangerous than anywhere else in the house.

@Fevertree

Nothing wrong with being called a PA if that is your actual job.

There's nothing wrong with being a nurse, but if you're a doctor you wouldn't want to be called that. Nothing wrong with being a police constable but if you're a detective then you wouldnt want to be called that.

It wa rude of him. In the other side, it’s hard being a ‘carer’ (for want of a better word) and it’s probably a pressure cooker for both of you at times. Go easy on each other.

Well its cooking in a bedroom isn't it?
Theres lots of soft furnishings in a bedroom that you don't have in a kitchen which are very flammable .I've had fires from toasters in a kitchen with bits of toast getting stuck etc. I think its bad news and it needs to go back downstairs.

So what about studio flats? All one room... so no cooking ever?

I could quite safely out a toaster or microwave on a glass topped desk on my bedroom and it would be nowhere near anything flammable. If she can't move around much, then she's in the room when it's in use. It's a toaster... not a BBQ