AIBU to think DH is being very harsh on our DS

[GrannyRoberts]

DS, 4 years old was signed up to start with the local football club youth team, training starting this evening. He likes football and was keen to play, however as the time has approached he's seemed more and more nervous about it. Just as he was about to leave with DH for the first training session today, one of his front wobbly teeth got a little knock and went sideways, really flappy, hanging on a thread etc. DS panicked and got really upset, which resulted in them missing the window to go to the football. DH was really angry, withdrew from our DS said to me (out of earshot of DS) that he's turned into a little wimp. I'm shocked, can't believe how little empathy DH showed and how childish his own behaviour was. AIBU to think calling a 4 year old a wimp for getting upset/worried is harsh? Or am I just overprotective and a bit soft?

4 is very Yong to be starting football...around here children have to be 5.

It's definitely not whimsy to fuss if a tooth is falling out. I would. And I'm hard

For some reason Football really brings out the worst in some dads at times! 4 is too flipping young for it to be important. My DH was so disappointed our DS isn't into it AT ALL (and he's 7 now) but then eventually my DH admitted he didn't like group sports at that age either but he'd forgotten !!

Poor little thing. Of course he's not a wimp, he's just a 4 yr old, a bit nervous of something new and has a loose tooth. It's a big deal to a kid of that age.

I remember my 4 yr old being invited to a football birthday party at the local sports centre. He was so excited about It, despite never being interested in football before (or since), but when we got there the excitement instantly dissolved into fear. He spent the first 3 quarters of the party crying, clinging on to me while I tried to coax him with embarrassing 'mum trying to play football' shenanigans! He only found his confidence 10 mins before they went in for party food, and was then a grumpy little sod because he couldn't play football anymore!

I've had these conversations with my own DH about accepting DS is just a very young person with lots to learn and lots of emotions to ride his way through over the next few years... He is NOT a man!

What an awful attitude! I hope your DH réalisés how damaging his attitude can be. Your DS is a very young boy what’s the harm in waiting another year, or not doing football?!

My DS has been wingeying for a year about dance classes (his older sister goes) but was too young to start. This year he is four and could have gone but on the day he decided against it. He was too nervous that he wouldn’t be good enough. I told him he is a great dancer, he still didn’t want to go and i dropped it.

Kick the twat badger in the nads and when he’s crying on the floor say to your ds oh dear daddy’s such a wimp.

But in all seriousness you need to nip the nonsense in the bud.

Horrible. Toxic masculinity. Poor DS xxx

It is attitudes like that which mean that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50 in the U.K.
Little boys need to be allowed to express their emotions and not conform to some age old gender stereotype.

What an arsehole

Oh, bless him - poor lad! It sounds as if your DH had built the football up into a big dad-and-son bonding thing that was more about him than DS. Not nice at all and I hope he's big enough to apologise to your DS for his attitude.

Kick the twat badger in the nads and when he’s crying on the floor say to your ds oh dear daddy’s such a wimp

Well I don't often advocate violence, but I'd be tempted to knock his tooth out then shout at him he was a wimp when he screamed.

And I'd watch out for more of the same if your ds does start football. Sounds like your dh is already overinvested. Like about 80% of the football dads I know (ds has been playing for 6 years).

Get him to read Robert Webb's book on how to be a boy (man?) - it should challenge a few of his (likely) views.

Fwiw, dh has had to accept that ds has zero interest in football whilst dd quite likes it!

Take your son to ballet classes. Then tell your husband to stop acting like a lout.

Football training for 4 yo's

Jesus

Well done DH, I doubt your son will want to play football for a long while.
He’s FOUR!
Your DH could really fuck with your son’s head if he doesn’t shape up. Your son will only register his dad’s disdain and contempt, he can’t rationalise that his dad is projecting and being a wanker as is so obvious to objective adults.

He behaved horribly. Show him this thread. Your son is four, still very little. Would your husband go and play football if one of his teeth was knocked out? I suspect not. Nasty bully.

God don’t let him take your son to football
He will be one of those awful Dads yelling abuse from the touch line

Men often don't do the empathy thing; I expect your DS was a little nervous about the whole football thing, not quite sure what to expect, new people. So it probably wasn't about the tooth at all, lots of people would see that, and offer reassurance, unfortunately your DH couldn't see that and turned into a complete plonker.

YANBU. Husband is being a twat and probably over invested in the idea that this was a the first step towards DS becoming the next Harry Kane and now it won't happen because he missed his inaugural training session.*

This^^ is exactly what I thought when I read the op.

YANBU. Husband is being a twat and probably over invested in the idea that this was a the first step towards DS becoming the next Harry Kane and now it won't happen because he missed his inaugural training session.*

yes yes yes yes

marathon not a sprint though

YANBU it's a horrible attitude to have to a 4 year old! Sounds like he's over investing in DS's football - it's meant to be something fun for DS not a chance for DH to bask in reflected glory or relive his youth.