Year 7 bullying

[7yo7yo]

I’ve already posted in bullying but I’m posting here for traffic because I’m desperate.
My son has started year 7, this is his first week.
He has had issues in year 6 with bullying and only had 4 others from year 6 in this school.
He disclosed on day 2 that one of the girls from his previous school was following him round the playground calling him names. I spoke to the teacher and she now stays away.
Today however he has told me that he has no friends in his form. They call him loser, laugh at him and generally take the mick.

I know my son he exaggerates and can be irritating but at what point should I go to the school?
What do I do?
How long do I let it carry on?
I don’t want to be the annoying parent who
Is at the school for any reason but equally I don’t want my son to be miserable.

One of the issues is that he’s banned of fortnite (I know) for another week and these boys are laughing at him for that amongst other reasons.

At the start of year 7, there is a lot of jostling for position and children trying to suss each other out. Are the people in his form from a different school to your son? Or did he know them from primary? If it is the former, it is probably a safety in numbers thing that is going on and that is giving them security to have a go at other children. Your son may be exaggerating and they are picking holes in what he is saying, which is encouraging them to have a go at him. I would encourage your son to have nothing to do with them and to have a word with his form tutor about the problem. DS went through several embryonic friendships in the first few weeks of year 7 and things didn't really sort themselves out until after the first half term. Perhaps encourage your son to join an after school club, if his school has any. DS made friends with people who had similar interests to him. He didn't have any friends in his form all the way through secondary school, but made friends with other people who he shared lessons or interests with. As for the fortnite thing, your house, your rules! I'm sure that the other lads would get banned if they broke their parents rules as well. Your son needs to rise above it, difficult I know, but hopefully he won't want to be friends with such a nasty group, anyway, just to fit in.

Thanks sunnymeg.
I need a calm rational response. The boys are from different schools.
It just hurts as this is his fresh start!

I'm a secondary teacher. It's much easier to stop things like this early on. Email the head of year tonight outlining your concerns and ask for them to call you.

Can you stop the punishments at home for now? Relax the fortnite ban if it'll make it easier for him to settle - don't make things harder for him.

I don't mean let him play for hours on end but an hour or so after school wouldnt hurt would it and may help

Another secondary teacher and Year 7 form tutor here.
This needs nipping in the bud and you should email the form tutor or head of year tonight, so that they can address any issues tomorrow.
Good luck!

My boy was meant to have a fresh start in senior school after some years of low level bullying. Right up until the main protagonists arrived on day one at his new place. My son didn't want to 'tell' straight away but by the time he let us he was the resident go to for the bullies. It never changed. I've moved him for 6th Form, where nobody knows him and what do you know? Everything is fab!

Biggest regret is not taking charge and going to the school sooner, so definitely do that straight away!

I am a teacher here. Tackle it straightaway by contacting form tutor as other teachers have said

In what ways is he irritating? Could he be rubbing people up the wrong way? (I only say this because you said he can be irritating) Could you talk to him about this and maybe look at strategies for making new friends? Does he have a hobby or club he could get involved with at school to meet likeminded people?
.

He’s irritating in that he has an opinion on everything.
He talks A LOT.
Sensitive and easy to take offence.
So I was a bit reluctant to believe him at first.
As an aside he is short for his age and this is something else they tease him for.
But he’s also loving and loyal.
He goes to boxing too. Couple of issues there too but that’s with kids who have “issues” with everyone.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s him. Then I have to stop myself from having a go at him. When really I suppose that’s victim blaming.

I see what you mean about victim blaming but I don't think it can hurt to have a conversation with him about the "always offering an opinion" thing. This isn't always going to go down very well with others. It's not about the bullying and whether he deserves it, because of course he doesn't, its about helping him to have the social skills to make friends.

I don't think it can hurt to have a conversation with him about the "always offering an opinion" thing. This isn't always going to go down very well with others. It's not about the bullying and whether he deserves it, because of course he doesn't, its about helping him to have the social skills to make friends.
I agree.
The nastiness isn't excused and it's worth letting school know, then match that with a chat at home about social skills.
Let school deal with bullying in school, but also teach him that he doesn't need to hip in his opinion all the time.

(Not saying your child is like this situation at all) I can recall a call from a parent concerned that other children were leaving theirs out and how it was bullying by exclusion etc. I had to have an uncomfortable chat to the effect of 'we can't force people to be friends and actually your child has form of repeatedly being bossy, overbearing, rude to peers and that might be what s driving the difficulty to make friends'. Bullying is never acceptable, but in terms of finding it hard to make friends I think some students don't make their life easy.

Thank you thank you thank you. This parenting shit is hard!