AIBU to still care when they clearly don’t?

[SadBlackSheep]

Don’t quite know where to start...

To cut a very long story short, I have had a difficult relationship with my parents ever since I can remember.

There was a period of NC once, but I foolishly felt bad and ran back with my tail between my legs.

A lot has happened and for the past few years we haven’t had any contact (again).

Initially it was a relief, but as usual I ended up doubting myself, so tried to initiate contact (via letters and emails), but have had no response.

My husband, who knows what I have been through, says that I haven’t done anything wrong and that I am better off without their toxic influence, but I can’t seem to move on.

I don’t know what I am expecting to gain by posting this really.

Fistbump in solidarity from a fellow black sheep here.

Realistically it sounds like you have done all you can. What more can you do? Would counseling help?

On the flip our son has gone NC with us.
He married and moved 300 miles away to move in with his in laws.
We expressed our upset at this and he chose to go NC with us.
I understand how painful it is to want contact when a family member chooses to ignore your hope for reconnection.
Its painful and not fair.
I hope you get some contact soon x

Thank you both for your replies.

Catastic - I have had counselling in the past, but it hasn’t really helped me to move on. The last therapist I saw seemed to think my mother has narcissistic tendencies.

birdlady - sorry to hear about your situation. It is so painful, especially when everyone always says that family is the most important thing. I am dreading Christmas already.

At the end of the day a “normal” parental relationship is seen as one with unconditional love, full of care and support. It’s shit when you don’t get that but it’s what you see on tv, possibly from some friends etc. It hurts. It can feel lonely and probably one of the biggest rejections. That’s why you feel how you do. It’s ok to feel like this no matter how awful they are. These relationships are so nuanced. But evolving. Your DP sounds very supportive and more family than they have ever been to you.