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AIBU?

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Original poster

To set some house rules about girls. What should they be?

53 replies

churchmouse84 · 12/09/2018 22:44

DS1 is 12. He is a sweet boy on the whole.

Today he invited his sort of girlfriend round after school. She is also 12.

When I got home they were upstairs in our TV/XBox room. Ds had pulled the sofa bed out and they were lying on the bed with a duvet watching a film.

It was all very sweet. However, am I supposed to lay down some ground rules now?

One foot always on the floor, that sort of thing.

I have no idea what the done thing is here.

I said to him I thought it would be more appropriate if he kept the sofa a sofa.

OP posts:
Beesandfrogsandfleas · 13/09/2018 06:58

Would he have done all that with a male friend?

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 06:59

I did ask him that and he said yes, he would.

OP posts:
strawberrisc · 13/09/2018 06:59

He’s not a “tiny baby”. He’s 12 and could potentially become a father.

Luglio · 13/09/2018 07:04

No girls upstairs. It's not about what you think, it's about what their parents think. And you have no idea what s going on when you can't see them. None. At. All.

BikeRunSki · 13/09/2018 07:05

If you want to set the tone for the future, lose the duvet now. The boundaries of what is/isn’t appropriate around the duvet will become very blurred very quickly.

EK36 · 13/09/2018 07:05

I would say no girls upstairs. Its too private.

Starlight345 · 13/09/2018 07:11

Yes simple clear rules are the best .

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 07:13

I may say no going upstairs if I or his little brother are not here - as they can watch whatever they like downstairs so there's no need.

OP posts:
Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 07:16

I also feel I should clarify, he has been friends with this girl since they were about 8 and I do know her parents, so this is something that wouldn't have been unusual in the past but now they're nearly teenagers and apparently 'going out' I feel it's different.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 13/09/2018 07:17

I would say no going upstairs with one other friend at all.

wornoutboots · 13/09/2018 07:22

Mermaid tail blankets might be the way to go!

Robin2323 · 13/09/2018 07:26

3 sons 1 daughter.
Only rule - Door open.
Then they went to uni and did what they liked Hmm

PenApple · 13/09/2018 07:28

Watching with interest as I have an 11yo ds and this hasn’t even occurred to me. However if they were home alone anyway then wouldn’t have mattered if Door was open or closed? Unless there was an adult in the house when you were out of course.

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 07:29

wornourboots you are a GENIUS!

That's why they were invented isn't it?

Or at least sleeping bags.

OP posts:
Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 07:32

No I was out. Downstairs makes more sense when I'm out as I more or less walk straight into the lounge when I'm return.

OP posts:
Notso · 13/09/2018 07:37

With DD the rule was downstairs when we're out and door open when we're in.
I don't think it's up to you to second guess what the other kids parents are comfortable with though.

TheLastSaola · 13/09/2018 07:42

I had a sort-of-friend who conceived a child at 12 (girl was a bit older but not much). Plenty of my friends had their first sexual experience at 12, 13, 14.

I’m afraid, OP, that you need to wake up and smell the teenage hormones.

I’d be furious if I found out my DD or DS had been under covers, on a bed, with the door closed at 12yo.

PookieDo · 13/09/2018 07:44

I allow my DD16 in her room with her boyfriend but never allowed in the house alone. Either I am home at my house or his mum or Dad is home at his house. Initially door aaa open but I know they are just watching TV (her room is downstairs) so will let them close it to hear the sound.
Both seem to totally respect these rules (not broken so far!) and I think some degree of trust is required BOTH ways

GinDoll · 13/09/2018 07:44

My DS has sleepovers with his friends (who are mostly girls) and I don't mind at all. That said I'm just waiting for an announcement from him about his sexuality to be honest as I'm sure it's coming Smile so that's why I don't worry. That and it's a group of them... That said when my other children reach that sort of age I'll clearly also have to enforce rules. Luckily I've got a few years yet so I can be laid back mum until then.

PookieDo · 13/09/2018 07:45

But my child is older. 12, I would say living room only no upstairs

FishCanFly · 13/09/2018 08:02

i don't think kids would have sex when parents+siblings are in the house, doors open or closed -- way too awkward. What they might do if they're left home alone - totally different subject.

PurdysChocolate · 13/09/2018 08:34

Fishcanfly I had oral sex with my boyfriend in the loo off of the lounge when my parents were home.

TBH I didn't want to in case we were caught, but he was a bit of an asshole and kept pushing. I wasn't good at being firm about my boundaries when I was young.

Luglio · 13/09/2018 08:37

i don't think kids would have sex when parents+siblings are in the house,

This is one of the most naive comments I’ve ever seen on mn. I had loads of very quick and quiet sex when I was a teenager. The risk of being caught just added to the fun.

Original poster
churchmouse84 · 13/09/2018 08:42

To be fair we've had sex when the kids have been on the XBox 😳

OP posts:
pingachu · 13/09/2018 08:59

@FishCanFly I lost my virginity to my now husband when I was 17 in my bedroom whilst my parents were downstairs. I didn't move out until I was 26 and 28 weeks pregnant so I know my mum
And Dad know what we were up to

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