Monsters under the bed.

[SevenAndEighteen]

Hi 🙂

DS7 is convinced that there are monsters under his bed; this has been going on for near enough three weeks now, I have been getting him to fall asleep in his own bed by laying beside him and reading to him which isn’t taking long for him to fall asleep, he is then waking up hysterical, which he has tonight so I have put him in our bed.

DH isn’t happy with this and he has told me that I need to stop sheltering him because he will not learn to get over this fear, and that I have no consideration for him.

Please tell me I am not being unreasonable.

Have you tried monster spray?

My daughter was terrified of owls. We made an owl protector, involving sticking some beads on a cereal box and painting it. I was just going to prop it up on the windowsill, but she took over and paraded it round her room and warning the owls not to come in. She was fine after that.

I think because the fears are not logical, you have to appeal to the creative non-logical bit of their brains .
I think your dh is being a bit unkind, I don’t think you can harm a small child by meeting their needs.

You need Monster Exterminating Spray, any large perfume bottle, dress it up a bit so he can't recognise it.

Don't go "looking for monsters" or using monster spray as Itll makes them seem real.

'Monster, monster go away. Don't come back another day'

It's a spell for making them go away.

Don't go "looking for monsters" or using monster spray as Itll makes them seem real
They already seem real..

Would you husband rather leave your small child screaming and scared in bed by themselves?

Has he made any helpful suggestions or just criticised the way you're dealing with it?

I agree with pp.

Using spray etc just enforces the belief that monsters are real. There's a really good book about being scared of the dark - I'll try to find it and put up a link. I know it's not the same but the concept is the same.
I think most children go through this phase, it will pass.

A friend suggested making or buying a bottle of “monster spray” but like Awwlookatmybabyspider has said, I don’t want him to believe they actually exist.

I don’t know where he has gotten this fear from, he also believes that there are bugs in my car... perhaps it is something deeper?

Would he sleep on a mattress on the floor, so he can see under the bed all the time? With a soft nightlight so he can in fact see.

A friend's little boy was afraid of a witch in his room. She got him to draw the witch, then they screwed the picture up together and put her in the bin. It worked really well.

I don't think there's any harm in acknowledging your child is scared of monsters and helping to 'get rid' of them. Parents have been doing it for generations and no adults I know still believe in monsters

Would you husband rather leave your small child screaming and scared in bed by themselves?

Has he made any helpful suggestions or just criticised the way you're dealing with it

Yes it seems that way, and I feel so bad about writing about him on here, he hasn’t made any helpful suggestions, he has just said to DS that he needs to stop waking up crying because there is nothing under his bed.

For goodness sake.

Thinking monsters are real is a good thing. It's imaginative, creative... It's a spark you do not want to just put out. As they grow up, they learn. There is no harm in entertaining the idea while they are young enough to believe.

Harness it. Sit together and make up a story about an adventure he could go on with the monster. Tell him all monsters ate scared of glitter and put a glitter snow globe on his bedside table. Make it an adventure; encourage him to use his imagination. Don't snuff it out.

And there's nothing wrong with being scared. What your husband said to him is disgraceful.

Being scared is how they learn to be brave. He is allowed to be scared and cry... But then you help him be brave. Don't tell them that there is nothing to be scared of, use it as something he can overcome. He helps make a monster deterrent, he writes a story about defeating the monster or becoming friends with the monster... And you tell him that he's brave for facing it. Kids need to leave that fear equals becoming brave.

When I was little and afraid of things like this my mum just a (nice) laugh and said oh but I’m in the house so nothing like that can hurt you because I love you so much. It sounds silly but it worked a treat.

I’m still afraid of monsters under my bed at the age of 40! I blame Dungeons and Dragons!

I think that fear of monsters under the bed is pretty normal because our limbic system (the more primitive part of the brain) evolved to protect us from danger so it's wired to be alert when it's dark and vision is poor - which would be useful if we were sleeping in trees and vulnerable to predators! That's why winding down at bedtime is helps us sleep better - because relaxation helps the limbic system calm down.

At 7 your DS is old enough to play detective, with your help, and rationalise his fears. You could help him look for clues or evidence about the existence of the monsters. What happened last time he was scared - was there a monster or was everything okay? Talk about whether anyone has ever found one under their bed. Has there ever been one under your bed, siblings or friends beds? Have there ever been any sightings? Get him to consider what the evidence tells him.

If you can't help him rationalise his fears away then perhaps creating an environment that has no room for monsters would help. In our house we tend to store things under beds (large piles of books in DS2's case) so there would be no room for monsters.

Poor little kid. I was just the same as a child - older than him too. Not only were there monsters under the bed but in the wardrobe and even in the light fitting! Never mind the Martians who landed in the allotments behind our house.

I've outgrown it now thankfully.

My son came into our bed for years because of 'garden noises' which he heard in his room.

Your husband is being a bit harsh imo. I too would let him come into my bed. It won't last forever. Lots of good suggestions from other posters, above.

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone, all I can do is keep reassuring DS that I won’t ever let anyone hurt him, hopefully this will pass soon.

Does he truly believe that there are monsters under the bed, or does he know that it's his imagination that is frightening him? I think these are subtly different things.

Certainly you need to acknowledge to him that his fear is real. But also that you and he can do something about it.

We never used monster spray, but I think it's a good idea.

Mine knew that the monsters were imaginary. I would ask "do you want to check in the xxx to see what's there?", and go along with whatever dc answered.

I would pull the dream out of their forehead/ears/tummy, roll it up, and discuss what we were going to do with it (with actions). Sometimes we would stamp on it and then flush it down the loo; sometimes we would throw it out of the window and a dustcart would drive over it and crush it to dust.

Two of mine had particular bears that had to sit in a particular corner to defend dc and prevent bad dreams. This was extra to the bear dcs cuddled.

I would tell a specific, made-up, very repetitive bedtime story that was intended to engage all their senses, eg involving lying in a hammock, feeling the mesh supporting you and the breeze brushing your skin, smelling the cut grass and hearing the creak of the hammock ropes as the hammock gently rocks, seeing the sun through the leaves of the trees supporting the hammock, tasting the cool lemonade etc. All the while repeating how all these things made them feel safe and secure. Sometimes the dc would fall asleep during the story, other times they would still be awake, but thinking about the story, and not thinking about monsters.

And any of our dc have always been welcome to creep in with us if they had a bad dream, at any age. (Still get the occasional 15yo!) If I'm still awake after a while, I do ask them if they're ready to return to their own bed, and I follow their lead on it.

So that's where Billy Malilly and Green Cream have moved to! They used to be under DS's bed and every night I'd have to round them up and put them in a Special Shoe Box with the lid tight shut so that we could all sleep! Naughty, naughty little things
In the mornings we'd let them out and they'd go off on adventures.Then we'd round them up at night again and pop them back in their box bed, tired but happy
DS's night time story was always about their adventures that day.

Some of their naughty adventures became Ds's favourite night time tales I'd have to tell again and again. Ds is 25 now, wonder if he remembers Billy Malilly and Green Cream?

Have you tried doing a check every night to prove they aren't there? You can say you don't want him to believe their real all you want, he already believes they are, he will grow out of it as he gets older right now you just need to do something to comfort him and make him feel safe in his bed.

The monsters will be real to your DC but he'll soon grow out of it, just as he will with Father Christmas. It's just part of growing up and I bet he'll come home from school one day next year and say "Jimmy in my class is soooo babyish, he still believes in monsters.."

Would a low down night light help so he can see under the bed? Or maybe a projector one to look at on the ceiling?