Is he being patronising or am I being over sensitive?

[Hooli]

I started a new job a few weeks ago. I work with a guy (20+ years older than me) who I worked with a few years ago in a different company. At that company, he was senior to me. At this new company, we are on the same level, if anything I'm slightly more senior (there was talk of me managing him).

We have a big department meeting on Friday. This morning he checked that I'd done everything I needed for it, and that I remembered it was happening. I had and I had, of course.

This is the third time he's done this. I've checked with our respective boss and he hasn't asked him to do this. I feel like he's trying to manage me, or doesn't trust that I'm good at my job.

Should I ignore this or call him out on it?

Playing Devil's advocate here, but could he just be trying to help to settle you in and ensure that you have found your feet. It could be construed as patronising but may be just his way.

Ask him why he's doing it, and mention you've asked the actual boss that he hasn't been told to do it if he bullshits.

I think you need to get him told. Move to emails if necessary. Sorry you've got this pain in the neck to deal with.

Sounds like he is being friendly, peer to peer mentoring you a bit?

I'd get the settling in thing if it was the first time and the meeting had been sprung on me. It hasn't, ive known about it for weeks and have been preparing for it. I can't work out if he still sees me as junior or if he thinks I'm not good at my job!

Next time he asks if you have done everything, send him to the printer to print out a 90 page document for you. Have meeting without him. 😉

Mentoring would be asking if I need any help, not making sure I've done it. It has no impact on him, we work in two completely unrelated areas.

It's probably bruised ego. Someone 20 years younger than him is now his peer / almost manager.

However, this doesn't give him a license to patronise him. Next time he does it say 'Thanks, but I've got the hang of it, no need to remind me.'

Don't put up with it for fear of hurting your feelings. He wouldn't be afraid to offend you if the shoe was on the other foot.

*patronise you
*hurting his feelings

In his head he's still higher up the ladder than you are. Sounds patronising and sexist to me.

He is being patronising - possibly unintentionally....possibly intentionally.

He next time he does it could you laugh and remind him your a fully fledged adult now? It it carried on you will have to be firmer with him.

Next meeting get in there first, go and ask him if he has everything ready, etc

Call. Him. Out. Don't tolerate his bullshit for one minute.