To tell my counsellor no I can't do the bloody homework?

[sorryihaventacluetoo]

I'm having phone CBT for postnatal anxiety and depression (both heavily interlinked, tough to unpick). It's my second session tomorrow and all I can think about is that I haven't had a chance to do the homework she emailed to me after our first session. She emailed me a 98 page booklet to read through and wanted me to complete two pretty substantial worksheets - ironically about what I get up to during the day.

I have a husband that works away a lot, a 12 week old baby and a four year old with ASD. They're full on. And I have no family help. DS is settling at a new nursery so theoretically he'll be gone for 15 hours a week but at the moment he's only managing half that, so I'm up and down to nursery a lot. What I would very much like for that one hour a week is a chance to talk through the stuff that's crowding my head and doesn't get any outlet at all. Giving me homework just adds to the workload.

AIBU to just not do the homework and tell her this? I don't feel a CBT approach is particularly useful in this circumstance. But I know I'm lucky to get this chance to have it.

98 pages sounds like a bit much tbh

www.vpul.upenn.edu/caps/files/aaaaSelf-Care_Worksheet.pdf
I use this (well something similar) at work and the idea isn't so much to make you feel awful for not doing everything - it can highlight patterns.
You might be actually better than you thought at physical self-care. Your work or relationship might be an area to focus on more.
With your example you probably won't have time for 'dates' but you could acknowledge that it's a tough time but it will improve in the future.

Sorry if this sounds condescending. Your counsellor might have meant the homework to have a certain result that you might not have picked up on. It would be worth feeding this back to them, definitely.

Your lack of time is a keynote to your treatment. Just tell her what you told us.
Hope it all works out well for you .

CBT is about changing your mindset and giving yourself the tools to cope with the anxieties you experience
Exactly. I had CBT when I was stuck in a situation that was causing too much stress. I couldn't change that, but the counsellor gave me tools to help cope with it better, and those tools have been invaluable for coping with other situations since.

It is the first port of call for the NHS because it can give the patient substantial benefit in a short space of time
I found I only needed 2 sessions as that was enough to give me the skills to deal with the situation I was stuck in.

I’m a counsellor op. Just tell her x

I hope you feel better after getting that off your chest and can start making good use of your sessions. Good luck!!

Argh I have felt similar when faced with CBT homework!

I had CBT before I had kids and I found it somewhat helpful and somewhat limiting at the same time. Helpful in that it really helped me recognise the unhelpful ways I was thinking and give me a bit of direction about what to do about it.

But at the same time I felt like the work sheets were very prescriptive and it really upset and frustrated me that I was being asked to do these really basic things when I felt like I seriously needed to TALK about my problems!

I’ve no solution to offer I’m sorry! But I do understand where you are coming from.

I think CBT certainly has its place and is very useful in conjunction with other therapy. But it’s so frustrating that it can be the only thing on offer or the first hurdle you have to go through before getting other treatment. FWIW in my area if you still felt bad after the course you might get referred for psychotherapy after CBT.

In my case I had a baby and got dreadful PND. I couldn’t do more CBT and had to pay for a private therapist to do proper talking therapy which has really helped. Compared to this CBT felt very superficial.

Go to the sessions and do what you can. Even if you don’t do the homework the one to one may help. X

I think you do need to practice with CBT (like learning the piano, you can't just come to the lessons) but if it's too much for you, it's making you feel worse not better!

My NLP practitioner said he gave homework tasks knowing that they 9/10 wouldn't get done. He set the tasks so that he could hear the kinds of excuses as to why they can't be done. That's the purpose of the exercise. If you do them unquestioningly, knowing it may be too much for you, that is also telling about your state of mind.

Op CBT is a collaborative therapy. As such homework should be agreed upon. Do not feel under pressure to complete this if you do not feel able or do not want to.

Depending on where you live you can refer through an IAPT service, it is still short term counselling but you may have a different experience in a face to face setting

Have you heard of Homestart @sorryihaventacluetoo ?

Happy to PM you with some detail if you're interested x

@dontknow

I’m not sure how helpful they will be for a mother with PNA... it’s quite a poorly understood illness and often lumped in with PND. It’s very different. I don’t know what kind of PNA the OP has- for me it manifested as * trigger warning*

Obsessive thought patterns (known as “pure O, OCD) which were based around irrational fear and hyperanxiety that I would lose my mind and harm my baby. I also had irrational responses to perceived dangers (eg hiding knives in the kitchen before he was old enough to sit, let alone crawl “in case” there was some sort of physics defying accident ....

It was all about control and being a “perfect” parent- I had a difficult and chaotic childhood. In an attempt to overcompensate for this, i had bonded rather TOO strongly with my child, as opposed to PND which often manifests as bonding issues at the other end of the spectrum ... and saw danger everywhere.

In my constant need to keep him safe. I didn’t even trust my own sanity.

Anyway- I could tell my GP and psychotherapist this safe in the knowledge they wouldn’t misunderstand what was going on, and call SS, or have me sectioned. What was happening looked a lot like postpartum psychosis but was just really high anxiety. I don’t know that Homestart would be equipped to deal with PNA, or be particularly helpful, in a situation like mine.

Appointment is in 15 mins and I haven't done the homework due to fussy teething baby/whirlwind ASD son combo. I'm going to tell her why I haven't done it. And how overwhelmed it's all making me feel. I expect I'll get a stock response back but let's see...