Lost it

[SodTheBloodyLotOfThem]

On holiday. DH has sat back.and let me do 99% of the childcare. DD(4) is obnoxious and defiant. I've just lost my temper and walked out after the most recent screaming fucking habdabs over fucking tooth brushing, it's the final bastarding straw. I need to get a grip but I want to say fuck them all.

Is he always this rubbish?

It's not so glaringly obvious when we're both at work

YANBU

I have to go back I suppose. I will be glad to be home (mostly).

Nah. Go off and do something enjoyable for you, even if it’s just reading a book over a quiet dinner. Text your DH so he knows you’re ok and will be back at x time. Your DS has a parent with him, he’ll be fine.

Just don't have your DD suffer because he's useless.

It's him that either needs to step up, or you rethink things.

It's him that needs to bear the brunt of your frustrations, not her. She didn't pick him, you did.

I would definitely disappear for a couple of hours

Omg totally go and do something nice. Go get lunch and a glass of wine and fuck around on mumsnet.
Have a break.
I’m sure he will cope.

Have a break OP. Lord knows you need it. Let him parent on his own for a bit. When you have calmed down use this as an opportunity to speak about how he must be more involved with the family and running of the home. I find people generally treat you the way you allow them to. Don't let him take the piss anymore.

I find people generally treat you the way you allow them to That is so true, the more you do, the more they expect. Nothing will change unless you make this the turning point. Don't go back yet, let him see what hard work your DD is. Let him know you are okay, then do something enjoyable for yourself.

Stop enabling him.

Go out for a good few hours. Leave him to parent his child.

"DH! Take DD to brush her teeth please I did this morning's"
"DH, DD needs a nightie!"
"DH, pop DD to bed will you?"
"DH, tag! You're up! It's your turn"
"No DD, ask your daddy to"

Although it shouldn't need saying, do you say any of it? Is it normal in your house for you to do everything whilst your DH does nothing child related? You don't get, if you don't ask TELL.

It's automatic with us that one parent does a job if the other is busy or they did it the last time. If I ever had to ask it would be bad enough but if I got told No it would be a whole new issue. OP, does your DH refuse tasks or just not think to do them?if it's the former then I would leave the lazy bastard and he can have the pleasure of doing 100% of his own childcare when the child visits! If it's the latter then that's on you Both I'm afraid. He's taking the piss and you've let him.

Equally you could argue that you have let him sit back while you've done everything.

"Hey DH, it's 7pm. Will you put DD to bed while I go for a run?"

"DH? I think DD is calling you."

"DH? DD is crying. Can you sort it? I went in to her the last 2 times."

"DH - I'm going into town. DD will be hungry in about 20 mins. DD? I'm going out now - Daddy is here for you. Bye!"

"DH - can you pick up all DD's dirty clothes from her floor while I'm in the shower. You'll need the "cotton quick wash" cycle on the machine - 40 degrees is fine unless there's poo on her knickers again. Just throw them out if they're too minging."

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

If you think "oh fucking hell, it's quicker if I just do it" then he carries on in life blissfully thinking that his daughters knickers just magically wash themselves and her hair never has glue, snot or Ella's Kitchen smoothies in it.

You work too - he hasn't got a leg to stand on with this bullshit.

Doesn't sound like much of a holiday for you, YANBU, parenting is hard enough without watching the dad do bugger all.