To be a little bit irked

[buttonnosed]

Disclaimer: This is bothering me a bit, but not enough to kick off or cause any problems. I just wanted to get a view on whether I'm being silly.

My dgp recently died. It was expected and still unbelievably sad. In their will they left some money to my df who has said that he is happy to forgo it and doesn't need it. It's not megabucks but enough to help us all out.

Da is executor and initially said she was going to split it equally between myself and my two siblings. However my eldest sibling has said it should be split equally between us and the great grandchildren.

We all have kids but my eldest sibling has a few more than myself and my other sibling and thus, a larger share will go to them.

I'm not going to kick a fuss over it and this sibling has a bit of a rep of being sort of subconsciously grabby (items my mum had told me we're to be left to me they created a whole emotional story about how dm has pointed to them on her death bed and pointed to them indicating she wanted them to have them - funnily enough they were the highest value but also personal to my relationship with dm ).

I just feel a bit miffed that she's putting her oar in at what is a difficult time for da and all the family. Df doesn't really care either way.

We've always maintained between the three of us that we'd never argue over inheritance etc and but they are well off and our other sibling is pretty wealthy. We're not broke but things are tight and our kids are small. However I often wonder if she uses this caveat to be a bit ... grabby? Knowing we won't kick off.

Would you be a bit irked?

Fully expecting to be called a grabby

Did your dad get wind you were unhappy about the splitting of the money?

No, basically his partner didn't know that he was due anything. Then my aunt rang when his partner was there. He then obviously mentioned it to her. And then as of yesterday he decided actually he does want it and handed over his partner's bank details instead of his own. He had no idea that da was going to split it between us either.

Well I guess it's his money at the end of the day. When he said he would forgo the inheritance where did he think it would go?

Seems a bit strange that he is now giving it to his partner though.

Back to his sister to cover costs, funeral costs etc.

The bit that surprises me the least is the partner bit. There's financial abuse going on that we can't do anything about. Partner has basically cleared him out. £100k in savings gone, transfers all his pensions to her, covers all the bills for them. It's why we were relieved when he said for our aunt to keep it. The fact she wanted to distribute us among us was a bit unexpected as well but I didn't really think it was ever going to happen. Thankfully all the belongings and property were left to my aunt so that won't get siphoned off by his partner as well. Just so sad that my grandparents lives - because essentially that's what that money represents - is being distributed outside the family because my dad won't admit he's being taken for a ride.

What a dreadful situation. You must be so frustrated and upset. Have you tried to talk to him about the financial abuse? I guess he's that much in denial it wouldn't make much difference if you had.

We've had full on arguments and he's not spoken to us for months at a time over it. It's been really horrendous. A lot of sentimental stuff from my parents life she has binned. It's a bit of a mess. It's the reason why we had the pact not to fight between us as siblings. I've been in tears today. My dad didn't bother going to see his mum for over a decade and this is how he treats his parents legacy. It's just so so sad

I'm alert OP. It all sounds so hurtful and stressful not to mention bloody frustrating.
Try as best you can not to let this eat away at you. No good will come of that.

Alert?! I'm not that alert am I
Alert = sorry

Thanks GreatDuck. I do appreciate it, it's one of those situations where nothing can really be done but it's hard to let go. It will eventually sort itself out but in the meantime just have to grit teeth and bare it all.