Hello
Apologies, this is a long one and ive missed some bulk out and just kept to main events. So my partner and i have been together nearly 6 years and have a 21 month old together. My partner is quite shy and socially anxious and throughout the relationship, from snippets i observed and snippets he told me, this was from a bullying and controlling father. I have examples of when ive witnessed this and things hes told me. For this reason ive not really thought to highly of his dad but ive always been polite and pleasant at family gatherings and when we have seen them.
My partner has never been massively close to his parents and when hes around them he is quite timid and submissive to his dad. He moved out young and lived abroad. Whereas his sister has a great relationship with his parents and she and her kids live in their pockets. She is the favorite and treatment of her is very different to treatment of my partner by both his parents.
Fast forward until my son is born. When my son was born, his sister snubbed him because she hadnt been notified that he had arrived when he did. Ie we text parents but didnt message her until later on due to the time he was born early hours. From this, there was tension with his sister on both sides but no arguments just an underlying tension. To cut a long story short after no contact from her no acknowledgement of our son this kicked off a royal argument with his dad.We took my son over to see his parents and out of the blue his dad got up in my face and yelled at me for the breakdown in his ffamily and said i caused the friction between my partner and his sister and he blamed me for everything that had gone one. His dad isnt a blow up type of bully he dosent have to as everyone is subservient to him. I was in shock, my 30 year old partner broke down and cried as was so shocked. I was holding my son who was a baby at the time and my partners dad continued to yell at me whilst i was holding him and i was crying and was trying to leave.
No apology from my partners father; i got a text a week later again blaming me for events. My partner went around on multiple occasions to discuss events with his parents after but every time he came home in tears as his dad frantically tried to grasp control and bully him into fixing the situation he caused. 4x months later after no contact with his dad, he gave me a halfhearted apology.
To help things move forward i agreed he (FIL)could see my son again but made it clear he will never have the relationship with him he wanted.
My partner has really struggled with this and said hes never seen his dad so angry and is deeply hurt by the lack of apology and lack of sincerity after the events. I take my son to see his mum weekly but we dont see his dad often maybe once a month, they live together so i see his mum when his dads at work. This has been fine for the past year but now my partners relationship with his dad has slightly improved and he is now feeling like he is sad his dad dosent see our son more.
My partner shuts off when i try to talk to him about it and says he knows it will never change but i feel this is a dig at me. In the argument his dad threw at me my PND and made me feel like a crap parent and for that i can never forgive. I also have the history of how he treated my partner in the back of my mind. I feel i am being reasonable by taking my son to see my partners father when i do, but dont feel my partner thinks this is enough and now feel like he thinks things should blow over. I dont know what to do? Please help?