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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A friend thread

6 replies

AnnabethChase · 11/09/2018 18:59

I’m just looking for opinions as to whether I should cool this friendship or not so please bare with me.

Friend is the sort of person who gets very annoyed when she’s stressed. At the minute she has a lot on her plate with her dad being ill, her mum being a gaslight-y, money worries etc etc. She’ll text me whenever things are bogging her down and you can tell she’s upset. However. If I text her with my own issues, she will either not reply, vaguely answer me and turn it to her (I think because she’s not sure what to say) or say she’ll text back later but doesn’t. I too have a lot on my mind. Stuff I’d genuinely like to talk to her about but it’s gotten to the point now that I worry she’ll ignore me and I’ll feel like a tit so I delete what I was about to send, or if I’ve sent something I’ll regret it because then I’ll worry I’m putting on her.

Because of this I feel that I should cool the friendship, back off, keep stuff to myself and just let her talk to me when she needs to vent. Would that be unreasonable? I mean, I’m not trying to make out that she needs to pay me attention or such, she doesn’t owe me anything at the end of the day.

I really dont know what to do. I don’t want to push her away, I don’t want to lose her and I don’t want to ignore her. It is slightly awkward in that I give her child a lift to school everyday now and obviously, for the child’s sake, I don’t want to stop that.

Opinions welcome.

OP posts:
nonplussedinouterspace · 11/09/2018 20:32

I would withdraw.

redexpat · 11/09/2018 20:59

Has it always been like this? Tbh Im not a great friend when Im struggling because I dont have the emotional energy to deal with both my shit AND the shit of other people. How is she when things are good for her but less so for you?

AnnabethChase · 11/09/2018 21:40

When she’s good and I’m not it’s difficult to talk to her because I know she’ll shut the conversation down when she’s had enough. Perhaps I should just accept her for who she is, she’s not gonna change but I don’t want to lose her.

OP posts:
DorothyBastard · 11/09/2018 22:28

So if she’s in a bad place she ignores your worries and troubles, and if she’s in a good place she ignores your worries and troubles? Sounds pretty one sided to me, and that’s not my understanding of what friendship is. She sounds like a user.

justilou1 · 11/09/2018 23:06

I would return the favour and ignore her worries and see how much she values your friendship...

redexpat · 12/09/2018 21:11

So theres not much reciprocity. That means she is an aquaintance, not a friend.

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