To be so annoyed re shy DD

[Chipbutty67]

When DD was at nursery, I struck up a friendship w one of the other mums. We saw each other quite often, but don't now our daughters have gone off to Reception in different schools, so a few times we've made plans to meet at the weekends w kids and partners.

My DD is really shy w new people. I don't really care, she's the most amazing funny happy little girl and it's fine by me if she's a bit shy. I've covered basic manners w her though, even if you don't want to talk to someone you must say 'hello, goodbye, thank you' etc and answer direct questions as its rude not to.

My friend and especially her partner just WONT leave it alone. I know they are trying to be friendly, but they keep going on at her 'why so shy, ooh you're so shy aren't you, why won't you speak to us' etc. It really makes poor DD clam up.' The partner kept trying to make her go out and play in the garden but she likes to be near me in new places, always has.

Then the partner said something along the lines of 'she's a right little madam isn't she, just sitting there smirking at us' I'm sure he meant well and appreciate she's my PFB and I might be insane but she's 5 ffs, she's not a little madam and she's just smiling!

I always deflect their comments but I don't really want to deal w them again. AIBU to get so annoyed when they're just trying to be friendly?

I have a friend who's dd won't leave her side . Tbh it's a bit awkward in socal situations as she sits and listens to eveything the adults say rather than paying with other kids. She won't even go in the other room to watch TV or colour.

Oh good grief, what a brainless pair of dicks!
I wouldn't bother seeing them again, actually. That sort of repetitive comment, at that age, can actually contribute to a child's belief that that is who/what they are - what a dozy thing to say to her!
As for the madam comment - he can fuck off. Rude!

I was like your daughter OP - and I turned out fine I think!
I liked the company of adults even when I was really young. I rarely wanted to go off and play and never anywhere new.

I did have friends - but if I could sit quietly and listen to adults I was delighted!

Sometimes I did have to leave the adults alone probably when they wanted to talk about something not for my ears but most of the time it caused no issues.

They sound horrid - definitely a friendship to let go.

Shy - so what - better than being a loud noisy f**r

oh id stay away from this.it will be harming to you and your dd I think.
so what if she is shy.if she does prefer to sit with mum.this might even continue.not everyone is the same.not all kids need to fit an ideal or a time to do so.
if shes happy within herself.if its not trapping her or making her miss out to a point she will become unhappy then fine.
in time she will reach out fingers crossed to wider things.but that will come when she feels safe and secure I nthe place she currently is.and if that means sticking with mum then so be it.she wont do "More" if she is feeling scared and insecure in how she does thing and made to feel small and picked on.this will only make her feel wrong in some way and want to hide away even more!

They sound horrible. If she was chatty they'd be criticising her and calling her names for that too.

They are exactly the sort of people that say cheer up love to women

I’d avoid

They sound extremely ignorant, going on about someone's shyness will only make them self conscious and worse than ever.

Could you not have a quiet word with your friend? They probably don't even realise what they are doing wrong.

@LightTripper that really resonated with me. I was shy growing up and felt quite down on myself for it.

Now DD is shy/ quiet but I can appreciate that one 'negative' as its seen, is also a massive positive. She's also really kind to other people's needs, thoughtful and mature, and I feel like they are two sides of the same coin to an extent, and nothing to be unhappy about.

Its actually helped me accept myself a bit more.

To everyone who said about the 'little madam' was out of line, I thought so as well, and that was the only time I said 'She really isnt' hard stare

But DH was convinced it was just an expression and I have form for being a bit sensitive so I didnt say anything again

I think I might give it one more chance and directly say 'Saying shes shy makes her uncomfortable, she will join in when she's ready'

If they still dont get the message then we're not meeting up as the whole family again, DH is welcome to see him.

For a lot of people the whole point of having friends with kids over is that the kids go and play and you get some adult conversation. So I can see why it would be awkward if your DD is just sitting there with the adults.

Your DD shouldn't be put in the position of feeling bad, though. There is a lot of pressure to be outgoing and chatty in this world- it's so hard for people who aren't naturally that way. A good book is 'Quiet- The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking' by Susan Cain. It talks about how society prefers extroverts over introverts and we are all taught to believe that we have a failing if we are quiet and how that is so so wrong.

Maybe you can meet the other Mum for coffee in the future instead without children to avoid your DD being put in an awkward position.

Uanbu. I was constantly called shy as a child, and even now adults comment on how quiet I can be as if it is a negative thing. Weird that they think it's acceptable to comment on this when I wouldn't never comment on how loud someone is. I will be upset if/when people start to comment on my DS's shyness.

Could you just say something to your friends about how these remarks might give your child a complex? Xx

I wonder what the boy equivalent of a little madam is. What would they have called a little boy who behaved exactly as your dd did?

Cold
Evil maybe
There’s another thread running where many have called their nephews they don’t like these things