AIBU to want to leave?

[Usetobefit]

Since I was pregnant with my youngest child( who is now coming up 3yrs) my fiancée of 16yrs has got into a regular pattern of disappearing once a month & turning his phone of so I have no way of contacting him! His latest disappearing act lasted 31 hours 😲 Now I'm thinking I've had enough & want to move me & the kids out!

What's stopping you? Move out
He's selfish

I guess it's the thought of breaking up a 16 yr relationship & the impact on the 3 children

Why does he do it? What does he say when he comes back? (What do you say?) Presumably you haven't gone from 0-100 in the irritation stakes overnight, and have mentioned it to him before now? Has it made no difference?

If you've asked him not to and he's ignoring you, that's the problem with your 16 year relationship, not just the disappearing. I'd guess things are less than rosy in other areas too. He's an arse.

So what happens when you ask him where he's been?

Next time, change the locks and bag his stuff up.

It all started with him going for just a 'few' drinks at the pub & was always brushed off by him as not being a big deal as it's only once a month.
My argument was that number 1 he should let me know & number 2 he should not turn his phone of incase their was an emergency.
Yes you are spot on that other parts have the relationship are far from rosy!

You say that one thing that is stopping you splitting up is breaking up a 16 yr relationship and the impact on the 3 children.

In 4 years time will you be saying the same but substituting the 16 for a 20? Or later saying 25, 30, 35 years? Will you be thinking you have wasted those years?

You also say that other parts of the relationship have not been rosy. You need to look at the whole of your relationship and decide if you want to carry on with it or finish it. If you want to end it, then do it asap so you are not wasting time and effort on it and can get on with the rest of your life.

If that is what you decide to do there are many people on MN that can help you and support you through it, do you have help in RL too, you could do with supportive people around you if you have them.

But pubs don't stay open all the time. Where is he going during these sessions? Who with? Why the secrecy with turning his phone off?

What happens when you ask him about it? Does he warn you or do you just wake up one night and see he isn't home?

I couldn't have a relationship like that. Why have you put up with it for so long? Relationships are supposed to be good.

All of the above is very true & exactly the advice I would be giving to anyone else in the same situation. I guess I have stayed so long because up until recently the rest of the relationship was fine & he's not a bad person. It has however come to light after this recent disappearance, that he is suffering from a couple of additions which he has now admitted himself!