Social care

[starryeyed19]

This isn't really an AIBU but it's kind of a time sensitive thing and I was hoping someone might have some advice.

I have been struggling a lot looking after my son recently. He has SN - ASD, ADHD and severe learning difficulties. It is increasingly difficult to look after him and keep him safe. He is destroying the house, I'm talking walls and pulling a radiator off the wall and is becoming more and more violent if he doesn't get his way. I'm not able to move him away any more

I've come into school to talk to his headteacher about a residential placement and told her I feel I can't cope any more. There is a social worker here with another family and she is prepared to see me. Apparently one of the things I can do is sign over parental responsibility and have him sent to some kind of placement.

I genuinely don't know what to do. He is 8 and hasn't ever been away from family before. I need help but I don't want him suddenly sent away.

Does anyone have any advice? Please?

Find out if it's a s.20 voluntary arrangement, if so you can cancel it if you want him to come back, but for him to get long term residential care eg a specialist boarding school he would need to be under local authority care unless you can pay privately (very very expensive)

I can't pay privately. I don't want to send him to school one day only for him to not come home again.

But I don't know what to do. The only respite I get is if he's at school or at a specialist playscheme where he goes one Saturday a month.

It could well be the best thing for both of you and it may be that he can still come home weekends and holidays....at least talk to someone about the possibility

At least you can get help. Take it!

I would rather he was at home during the week and going to school and had something for the weekends. But you're right. Take the help.

The specialist schools are good at managing the sort of needs i imagine your son has and also you have to think of your own safety.. ..how would you manage to cope with a hormonal 14 year old who will probably be bigger than you?.
Better to get him settled somewhere right for him now that you like so that he has the best chance.
Hope you get the help you both need

The social worker will go through all of this with you, please ask her as many questions as you need to and even after that you don't have to agree to anything. They don't have concerns about your ability to safeguard this is about getting him and you support and help, they don't want to stop you having a relationship with him. I can't link it here for some reason but if you Google s.20 voluntary care, transparency project they have a very good PDF that contains guidance for parents and professionals.

You (and his father if involved) also retain full parental responsibility under s.20, please ignore the bit about them being able to apply to the court if you don't agree to a s.20 that's for cases where the parent isn't able to parent or safeguard, and the child is at risk of harm, it's not for cases like yours.

Can your SW push for more short breaks op? One Saturday a month doesn’t work. Can you try for a specialist family intervention in the home? Do you have a family support worker who might help you access more services?
Could you try looking up the disabled children’s team in your Local authority