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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I overreacting or is it "everyday sexism"?

30 replies

Aika · 09/09/2018 22:09

There is a guy at work (let's call him G) who likes making jokes, which are slightly inappropriate - sexually charged, homophobic, poking fun at mental health, the usual. Recently, before leaving on holidays he asked a male colleague to "look after his women". Turns out, that he sits next to several women in a row, including me, which is rare in our male-dominated industry - the fact I didn't register before that day. The other guy didn't get his joke, so the explanation followed: "they are only women, and they need me to look after them. Aika, you agree you really need my protection, don't you". G knows how I feel about sexism, so I answer calmly: "I definitely don't need anyone's protection and you know how I feel about casual sexism in the office", so he turns round to the other guy and says: " she doesn't understand yet how much she needs to be protected, because she is weak and all women need stong man like us looking after them etc etc".

Literally four weeks later I am still pissed off. Am I a snowflake? Should I stop worrying? WWYD?

OP posts:
AntiHop · 09/09/2018 22:10

He's a sexist dick.

covetingthepreciousthings · 09/09/2018 22:13

YANBU, I wouldn't want to sit in his vicinity any longer, he sounds vile.

MajesticWhine · 09/09/2018 22:14

YANBU. Not overreacting. Keep a note of all these offensive things and make a complaint.

ClaudiaWankleman · 09/09/2018 22:15

Not a snowflake. It’s unfortunately too late to make anything more of the comment - you’ll come across as the bad guy I think. I can just imagine the shirty tone I would be taking with him in the future though.

victoriaspongecake · 09/09/2018 22:15

Sounds like he was trying to wind you up. And it worked!

Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:11

victoriaspongecake

You are so right. He saw me cringing when he started so he doubled up by addressing me directly. He is very good at getting under my skin, yet others at work think he is just a funny guy

OP posts:
Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:17

Hence my questions...

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 09/09/2018 23:19

Is he a native English speaker?

nancy75 · 09/09/2018 23:20

He sounds like a complete dick, he obviously has David Brent as his inspirational hero.
He obviously is sexist but it sounds like he ramps it up because he knows it annoys you.

Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:21

ButchyRestingFace
No, but he is very fluent and definitely knows what he is doing

OP posts:
Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:22

Thank you everyone for saying he is a sexist dick. What should I do about it?

OP posts:
fairypuff · 09/09/2018 23:25

Bake him a cake. Because that's what us women are good for. Just make sure it has a heavy dose of laxatives in it....

Mach5 · 09/09/2018 23:27

I'd look closely at your org's sexual harassment policy to see where the boundary lies re: sexist jokes. It would be classed as sexual harassment in my org and I would be able to make a report to HR to pursue.

ButchyRestingFace · 09/09/2018 23:28

ButchyRestingFace
No, but he is very fluent and definitely knows what he is doing

Sure. I just wondered due to the phraseology.

Still a dick, as you say. Flowers

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2018 23:49

Why haven't you reported him already? Fuck this guy.

Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:55

Do you honestly think the joke us bad enough to classify as harassment? It Looks bad when written down, but if course he wad saying it as a joke and othe females were laughing. I guess this is why I haven't reported it - it may be explained as banter and other found it funny. Also, we are in the same team and I am somewhat worried about consequences for the team and for me personally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Aika · 09/09/2018 23:56

Sorry for the multiple typos...

OP posts:
gallicgirl · 10/09/2018 00:01

I think I'd talk to his line manager in the first instance and ask him to rein G in. Point out that his jokes are offensive and the constant 'banter' is wearing.
Keep records and if nothing changes then talk to HR. It doesn't need to be disciplinary action. Someone just needs to tell him to tone it down.

Yabbers · 10/09/2018 00:07

It’s not “everyday sexism” it is out and out sexism.

Tell him to stop. When he doesn’t, talk to his boss, or to HR.

Haireverywhere · 10/09/2018 00:08

Yanbu.

I would hate to have to sit next to him and would tire of consistently calling him out on those so called jokes! I'd tell him I'd report him and/or report him.

ErrolTheDragon · 10/09/2018 00:09

sexually charged, homophobic, poking fun at mental health, the usual.

That's his 'usual'? Blimey. Even without the overt sexism of the particular fuckwittery which riled you, that sort of 'banter' is not appropriate in the workplace. (Well, or anywhere else).

AssassinatedBeauty · 10/09/2018 00:11

Banter isn't sexist, homophobic, anti-mental health or disablist. That's not usual, it's shitty stupid behaviour from a privileged idiot who enjoys throwing his weight around.

BarbaraHepworth · 10/09/2018 00:14

In most British businesses this would break guidelines.

justilou1 · 10/09/2018 02:02

Jokes still qualify for complaints to the HR department. Especially when there are witnesses.

Rebecca36 · 10/09/2018 02:06

Dreadful man, he needs to move into the 21st century.

You cannot be the only woman offended by his remarks. Make a note of all he says and confront him, if he doesn't stop, report him. He only does it because he gets away with it at the moment.