I am so confused

[Sheldonsaysbazinga]

I just found out that my husband is on a dating site and chatting with lots of women. 5 I think. Apparently he has been hooking up with them. I saw his secret phone. I don't know where to begin. Even though the marriage is definitely over, I don't have the heart to kick him out. I know I am a wimp. We have 4 kids. 10 years down the drain. Please I need advise on how to proceed.

You ask him to leave. Not sure why you don't have the heart to do it, he clearly has plenty of other beds he could sleep in. Bastards.

I’m sorry Why don’t you have the heart to kick him out? He’s betrayed you horribly.

Definitely ask him to leave, at the very least until you're able to sort your head out a little

I don't have the heart to kick him out because of my kids.

Gather every shred of information you find regarding your financials and assets, and then get a solicitor. As soon as humanly possible. You don't have the heart to kick him out?? Really? Too bad he didn't show you the same consideration when he was fucking other women.

You may live your kids but you really need to get angry why don't you hate him for doing this to you and your kids

Kick his sorry arse out of your house x !

Get him out. He’s sleeping with other women. He’s not thinking about you or the kids then.

Ahh yes, been there, and in some ways I still am. Children adapt quickly, and having a happy, strong mother who doesn't put up with a lying cheat is much better for them than pretending everything's ok. In my opinion anyway

Set a higher bar for the example you want set for your children.

And get an STI check

Collect all imaginable financial information; mortgage, savings, pensions, children’s passports, any original certificates you currently own etc.
Assume when he leaves you will be without any of his income, so cash savings or a savings account in your name etc.

And get an STI check
I'm afraid I have to agree with this and you should go ASAP. You absolutely mustn't hang on to him for the sake of the children, he is absolutely not the type of example you want around them

Yes I am getting an STI check. Thanks Everyone. I guess I am still in shock.

I'd imagine it's far worse in the long run for your children to live in a house where their DD is being a deceitful bastard. Doesn't matter how great a Dad he is they will surely pick up on your heartache.

Seperate this issue out. It's his actions as a husband that warrant you kicking him out, he can still be a father to your kids.

Please get tested, get legal advice, follow grasslands advice and get him out. If you can muster up being calm sit him down and tell him you know everything and want him out of the door. Don't let him convince you otherwise.

What an horrific shock that must have been.

I take it he doesn't know that you know? Can you take photos of the messages on his phone?

Just wanted to offer a handhold.
You're worth so much more than this OP.
Think long and hard, staying with him for the children's sake never plays out the way anyone wants it to.
You can be strong and you deserve better

I was in this situation (roughly, some of the details were actually worse) 9 months ago. My ex was on his last chance having done this stuff before. If you let him stay it will eat away at your self esteem and damage what is left of your relationship further. I'd get out now while there is still a chance of an amicable split/co parenting. Because you will come to despise him if you don't. It utterly sucks but it's like a bloody disease. Cutting it out at the root is the only cure. Hope you're ok. And it's not your fault either in case he's implying you aren't good enough and that's why he's doing it.

Your husband is setting a bloody awful example for your kids.

Speaking as someone who adored their father... he was an utter shit and terrible role model and it affected me greatly for many years after.

I only managed to find a decent bloke after many years of trying at the age of 27. Psychologically speaking, because he was such a bad role model I never had an idea of what a good man looked like; how a good man presents himself, how he conducts himself, how he treats others etc.

Kicking him out will ultimately be beneficial for your children. Find a decent role model lile your father/uncle/friend you admire and make sure the kids spend time with him so they can see why a decent human being actually looks like.

Ultimately, it is up to you but my past experiences would make me very intolerable of even breathing the same air as that fuckwit.

Hope you're ok OP

@plinkplink
My kids absolutely adore him. Thank you for your response, I have actually never thought about it like that. I adored my dad and he was absolutely brilliant, God rest his soul. That is why I am so heartbroken for my kids.

And no I haven't told him that I found the phone. God this feels unreal.

He’s not a good guy.

Good dads, good family men don’t fuck about with dating sites and other women. He’s not a good man.

If you search in relationships there are manyamy threads on what to do to get yourself sorted and get him out. What you’re entitled too and what you must do to protect yourself.

and for you.

He’s a shit.

Why kick him out of presumably, his house too?

Divorce maybe.