to be pissed off that Ex introduced the DC to his GF without telling me in advance

[BlueEyesandSpitfire]

when he expressly told me he would give me advance notice should it ever be about to happen?

I honestly don't have an issue with them meeting her but when we spoke about it last he said it was categorically not on the cards and that he would 100% tell me in advance, should that change.

I went out of my way to tell him in person that I was planning introducing the DC to my DP weeks in advance and then again right before it happened because I wanted to be transparent and honest and for there to be no nasty surprises.

WIBU to expect the same courtesy in return?

We usually get on ok but he has form for being sneaky/selfish/selective with truth. It's taken us a long time to get to what I thought was a good-ish point and then he does thoughtless shit like this and I remember why we split up.

I definitely sympathise as mine did this too!! However I realised there was nothing I could do about it and being angry was just going to damage the goodwill we’d managed to build up (painstakingly!!) which is too valuable to let go of. So i tried to let it go.

It’s so so hard, but I do think detaching from exes and letting them get on with things (within reason of course, not when DV involved or anything heavy) is the way to go.

So I wouldn’t make it an issue unless you absolutely know that something bad/inappropriate has happened. They’ve met her, it had to happen sometime.

I don’t understand why exes do this. It’s unfair and it undermines the children’s relationship with their mums. Sorry OP!

Oh I'm not going to kick off about it but I did say via message that I didn't understand given that he had told me he'd warn me first.

His response was along the lines of 'Sorry, should've done it differently. Is it a problem?' .

Have just said that I found the lack of respect disappointing but not surprising. What's done is done now. I've tried really hard to do things the 'right' way re: introducing my DP so that everyone, Ex included, was comfortable and prepared and happy. Why could he not do the same for me.

Sending solidarity OP. Not quite the same but ex DP introduced DD (3) to his new long distance girlfriend today and is now kicking off that I won’t let her stay with him next weekend if his GF is there, on their second time of meeting. He seems incapable of realising that I’m not being deliberately obstructive, just putting DD and her needs first

Just let it go. What's done is done and wasting mental energy and emotion over something as inconsequential as this just wastes your time.

Justwaiting that's ridiculous. FAR too quick for overnights with the girlfriend there. I've been with DP for 6 months and he's never stayed here when the DC have been here.

And yes, then they act like you're just out to be mean/spoil their lives rather then trying to do your best to protect your DC.

Yes, you’re being at unreasonable. You’re no longer in a relationship with him. He doesn’t have to inform you or ask for your ‘permission’. Just like you don’t have to ask for his.

In the gentlest possible way, you need to stop expecting him to behave courteously. I feel your pain and am in a very similar situation with an ex who secretive and selective with the truth.

Sadly, the kids can see he doesn't respect my boundaries, nor joint arrangements. They see that he behaves in a self-absorbed, passive aggressive way almost all the time. He's a prick.

I truly believe that kids want to feel safe and protected; heard and secure. They will feel that with the parent who considers their welfare and not just their own needs.

You're that parent. They're lucky to have you fighting for them. Never mind him, he loves getting you riled and then playing the victim.

Absolute solidarity with you.

I didn't read it as OP expecting to give permission, rather that she'd appreciate the heads-up.
For me it wasn't ever about permission, it was about trying to agree a joint approach to parenting with him, presenting a united front despite being apart. Bit like nailing jelly to a wall in our case.

YANBU OP. Mine did the same and I just think it’s so thoughtless. In my case I think he knew it was far too soon which is why he didn’t tell me but then it caused problems further down the line for him so his lies did catch up with him! I think it’s courteous, and I think it annoyed me just because I always try to think about how I’d feel before I say or do things that might impact him but I guess that’s one of —the main— reason he’s my ex.
Aside from anything else a heads up about what I was supposed to say when they mentioned her would have been helpful for all of us, my DC mentioned her name and I had no idea whether I was supposed to refer to her as ‘Daddy’s friend/girlfriend/partner’ or what!

Mine introduced the kids to his girlfriend moved in with her refused to tell me her surname then let it slip she had her kids removed for neglect and couldn't see them unsupervised 🙄 so she shouldn't see ours unsupervised either I put my foot down for my kids safety apparently I'm jealous and unreasonable