To feel a bit miffed at my party animal friend

[Jackfruitburger]

I already feel I am being unreasonable so be gentle. I'm 31 and I have two small children. Invited one of my closest friends over for dinner last night with her dh. She has no children but is gm to my daughter and dotes on her.
Evening turned into a very boozy fun affair listening to music and talking till 3am. Her dh had passed out on my sofa and she was waiting for an Uber. I went up to the loo and heard her talking to someone, saying 'I'll be there in 20 minutes.' I asked her who that was and she said ' oh you know X, they're having a party at theirs so I thought I'd pop over for a few hours, I'm not ready to go home yet.' I kissed her goodbye and we carried her DH to the car.
I don't know why I feel upset. I just wanted our night to be enough for her. Is it that I know that I won't ever be able to live like that again? Do I even want to? I'm not sure I ever was that person anyway, do I feel that I should have been? I think it's mostly that last night was a crazy night for me, but for her it was just a starter for the night ahead!

Your just diffrent people at different stages!

You had a lovely night, she didn’t cut the night short to go elsewhere she went when it had come to its natural end.

It could be a mix of all of these things, but there’s no point over analysing. Feelings are feelings, neither right nor wrong. Of course you’re being unreasonable to be upset WITH her , but YANBU to feel upset

You know you are BU, but I do understand why you feel a bit miffed. Try to remind yourself that it doesn't detract from your night together, and that your friend wouldn't have meant to miff you off

YABU, but I do know how you feel. Sometimes after having kids I feel like I'm a bit second best to my old mates and they would rather be somewhere else. I can see why you could be upset over this, but it's irrational. You still had a good time with your friend. And you never know, she may be envious of the things you have and your children.

I would have been annoyed if she cut you off to go somewhere else, but it sounds like your night was over at a natural point anyway?

I’d be gladly waving her off and getting to bed, grateful she wasn’t trying to keep me going!

She has NO children! No screaming kids running around at 7am this morning for her!

A hangover in peace.

I definately would have gone on to the next place pre children

going to another party at 3am sounds like torture to me these days, long ago in my 20's I'm sure it would've been fun but can't think of anything worse!!!

I thought you were going to say that she left her passed out DH with you while she went off to another party Yes YABU but it sounds like you know that already. Your evening was over and she wanted to carry on. Better for her to go off somewhere else than keep you up when you were ready to crash surely. Bet her passed out DH wasn't happy being carted to another party though!

Do you feel a little envious maybe?

She didn't cut and run, and I doubt you wanted her to stay much later than three am. It seems like the evening was done to me too. She didn't need to go home and go to bed to make you happy 💐

Yes YABU but it’s ok to feel like that.

Pre kids that would have been me. It was great fun! The feeling of freedom was exhilarating and leaving a ‘do’ which was finishing to join others who were just getting going was fantastic. I did what your friend did last night more than once, and it never meant I hadn’t enjoyed occasion 1, just that I wasn’t ready to call it a night.

Your mate stayed until 3 and didn’t try to leave until the night was over despite the fact that she did have another offer. That either means she was having a great time with you and didn’t want the other option until the night at yours was over, or it means she’s a really good friend who values your friendship with her and chose to stay at yours despite her more carefree gang going for it elsewhere.

YABU, as you know for your friend.

YANBU to have a pang for the passing of that stage in your life. :)

I just wanted our night to be enough for her

But it's not up to you to decide what should or shouldn't be enough for someone else.

Neither of you are wrong in wanting different things or deciding that a particular type of Saturday night is (or isn't) 'enough', but you don't get to set the parameters for what should be 'enough' for someone with a very different lifestyle.

Thanks everyone, I know that I'm being unreasonable and that my friend is lovely and genuine. My comment about 'I wish that it was enough for her' wasn't me saying what she should and shouldn't do, more me trying to kid myself that having children hasn't limited me at all.
I am grateful for what I have now. Sometimes I can't believe I wasted over a decade of Sunday's!

I'd agree she's very good friend to you, she put you first with giving no clue she also had someplace else she could be.

Don't let petty envy damage it, you have your life, and you made your choices. Hers is different but she still put you first.

Plus you're probably knackered. Up till three am then up in the morning with two little ones is going to do that to you.🤣

Children don't limit you. They simply change your lifestyle.

Sometimes I can't believe I wasted over a decade of Sunday's

Hang on. What does that mean? You're not insinuating she's wasting her Sunday's and somehow you're better?

Cmon. That's not it is it? Because that would be over the line and bitchy.

@Bluntness100 not at all, it just suits my personality better to go for walks and stuff on a Sunday. I've always been a morning person so I don't mind waking up early on a Sunday and going out for the day. My friend probably thinks I waste my Saturday nights staying in and watching bake off! Different strokes for different folks. We can live our lives however we choose!

Different strokes for different folks. We can live our lives however we choose!

You've answered your own OP right there!

Different strokes for different folks. We can live our lives however we choose!

Exactly.....

Hell, 11pm is my cut off. Once we had children I valued my sleep more then socialising - and my kids were good sleepers.

Of course YANBU to feel that way (obviously you'd be unreasonable to have a go at her about it but you didn't do that).

On the up side despite living different lives your friend was still eager to come over to yours (when she obviously could have been at a party) and dotes on your young children so she obviously values you. For your part there'll be things you do that your friend has no part of either (days out with your kids that probably happen before party animal friend has even got up, new friends you'll be making).

I think it's natural to fear missing out on things but better to focus on the stuff you do have.