Hi Mumsnet, first time poster but long time reader.
I need your help because I'm just so confused and at my wits end with everything.
I moved to be with my boyfriend 3 years ago. I love him to bits and we have a great relationship. There are literally no problems between us, we talk loads, it's just a great balanced dynamic and I love being with him.
The problem is I grew up in cities and I moved to the "sticks" to be with him. He's really attached to his family and friends here where he grew up, sees them every day etc, whereas I have a much looser albeit close relationship with my family. Sorry I'm not explaining things in the right order!
Basically the problem is that its been 3 years that Ive tried to integrate into life here. Ive been made to feel a part of the family and accepted by his friends, ive made my own friends and gotten involved with stuff etc, but I just cannot shake the feeling - I miss city life desparetly. It feels like a part of me has been slowly dying. I miss the stimulation, seeing and experiencing new things, meeting loads of different kinds of people. One of my partners uncles gets it, he's from a city too, and I was speaking to him last night. He said to me "its like you have a hunger and curiosity for and about other people - but you wont get that here".
The truth is I feel unhappy living like this, I feel like im not in the right environment for me. My partner cant relate but understands. He will not move. He's in the right place for him.
We've tried loads to solve the problem. I tried going into the city several times a week for day trips but it just felt like i was one foot in, one foot out. We "compromised" and moved to his local small town - but its a small town, and the result is he's having to compromise because ita not the countryside, and me because its not the city.
I feel like ive reached a watershed moment now where either i have to lose something of myself/kill it off and just accept livinflg here. Or I have to take action and allow us to both have what we really want.
We do not want to break up. We want to have kids together.
The city is a 45 minute train ride away.
My plan was for me to move to the city, him to move back to the country, and for us to spend every weekend together alternating places, and the odd week evening here or there.
Half my friends think this is a great idea and will also positively feed back into the relationship.
The other half think ot means the relationship is doomed.
He would be open to it. We're both very independent and thats one of the things we appreciate about one another. And deep down I know it would work.
But his community is very conservative and they would judge us/me and think theres something wrong. I worry he would think it means im slowly trying to make an exit.
What do you think? And how would this work if we wanted to have kids in 2 or 3 years? Sorry for rambling but I just feel so unhappy and cant think straight. I love him and dont want to lose him. But I also dont think its right for me to sacrifice so much of who I am. Its starting to create tension.