School direct training as an (almost) single parent!

[Ansumpasty]

Just looking for some opinions/ advice.

I’m considering going into secondary English teaching. I’m primarily interested in the school direct route.

I have a lot of experience in teaching/working in schools and know that the year will be extremely intense.

My problem is, my husband works away on a permanent basis. He ‘tries’ to do 2 weeks away, one week off at home, but this changes and can’t be fully relied on when scheduling anything.

Have no family support where I live. I have a 4 and 6 year old.

Is this even doable or AIBU to even consider it?

If you have no help who will have the kids for things like parents evenings or staff meetings where you'll need to stay late? I think you should routinely be expecting to be in school until at least 4:30 every day (and bringing a lot of work home). I looked into this and thought it was more than I could handle but I do know of one widower with a toddler daughter who managed it (although he did have lots of family support).

You would need watertight childcare. Have you parents or a nanny?

Teaching is brutal. You will be out of the house 7-6 at least and working on top of that, just to run the class decently. Then add in the Christmas show, parents’ meetings etc.

You could get an au pair to do the 3pm-6/8pm shift.
Or better yet a nanny to do likewise.
Or your dh finds new work allowing him to be based at homeand combine that w a childminder.

But you will need reliable after-school support.

I would honestly say that it's almost impossible to do a good job of both teaching and being a parent if you do not have a DP around most of the time.

Thanks, all. We definitely could not afford a nanny but could afford a child minder for after school pick up.
Could get a babysitter for stuff like parents evenings.

It’s not possible for my husband to work here as he owns a business abroad.

A childminder will do til 6pm and maybe give them their tea. Then youll be into homework/bath/bedtime til what? 8pm? Then a bit of household stuff- maybe half an hour if you do pretty much everything at weekends. And then a couple of hours marking/prep? Can you sustain that? what if its more than a couple of hours?

@BarbarianMum

When my husband is home, he takes over all the child care/cooking/cleaning so I won’t have to really lift a finger besides school work. I’m wondering how much I can get done in that week, so as to get ahead...

It would be hard, but you would by far not be the only person being a single parent and teaching. It very much depends on your school whether it's do-able or not - some out there are very aware of workload and family responsibilities, others will pile on more and more until you break.

So choose carefully and be prepared for a lot of work, stress and a big sleep deficit in your first few years. It will pay off eventually, provided you work for a decent head/ LA/ academy trust.

Will your babysitter be able to pick up from the childminders and put the kids to bed? For parents evenings you will be in school seeing parents from hometime until 8ish and there will probably be 1 per year group per year so at least 5. Plus year 6 open evening and possible twilight training sessions.
I'm a teacher with a dh who often works away. I could not do it without help from family.
As for managing the workload - depends if you need a lot of sleep - you'll be working into the night most evenings.

I’m wondering how much I can get done in that week, so as to get ahead...

Bear in mind that you can only plan in detail once you know what pupils have done in the previous lessons. You can have a long/medium term plan, but it often has to be altered/changed completely when you see how pupils have coped with the concepts/texts you’ve taught them.

Marking also won’t keep for a few weeks - you need to use the information the marking gives you to forward plan and teenagers already have a pretty unrealistic view of how quickly teachers can turn around work. (“Have you marked that timed essay we did 18 hours ago, Miss? Why not?” huffing and eye rolling ensues) English teachers have one of the heaviest marking loads, too.

Not saying you can’t do it, but thinking you can squeeze all your work into weeks when your husband is there isn’t realistic.

@ClemHFandago

‘but thinking you can squeeze all your work into weeks when your husband is there isn’t realistic’

I never suggested I would squeeze all the work into the week he’s home, but get as much done as possible to make life easier when he’s away.

Gosh I'm not sure OP
I did a PGCE and then my NQT year before I had children. It was so tough I decided I didn't want to sustain it for my lifelong career and left teaching. Perhaps you could call me lazy? I'm not though, I just knew I wanted to have a life outside of my work.

Now I've had my two children there is just no way I could imagine doing teacher training. It's very brutal and you have to give your all into it- to be a half decent teacher anyway.

I completed my SCITT the year before last...I “graduated” from the course when I was 20 weeks pregnant and I took most of last year off for maternity. Started my NQT year last week. It will be hard but definitely possible. I set myself some rules to limit my workload and aimed for a solid pass rather than an outstanding... ended up getting an outstanding anyway...I was so glad I didn’t do any extra work as it would not have improved my outcome! It’s about working smarter not harder. I took no marking home for example. I was in school at 8 and left between 4:30 and 5pm most days. You do get a lot of PPA and this will decrease over the year. I managed to get most of my planning done during this time. I did have to do some at home. I spent some days working solidly during holidays to get ahead and have full units planned, then I modified and adapted these as I went. I you can do this when your husband is at home then i’m sure you can make it work. It will be tough, but you just need to get yourself from a September to a June... it’s not a full year. You will need to be really organised. If you can do it, you’re setting yourself up for a career where you get to spend your holidays with your DCs! (You’ll need to book some days where you plan) but with kids your age they could come into school (with permission) in a couple of days and hang out watching DVDs on the smart board in your classroom. I know lots of people who do this, and get lots done. Wishing you lots of luck! I also did secondary English btw.

I insisted on a work life balance for what it’s worth...there was no way I was putting my pregnancy at risk. I managed to fit in a lot of naps and a lot of time with DH. Organising your time is the key.

OP I’m a secondary English teacher. Your children are very young and dependent for such a busy year. Could you wait a few years? How would you feel about barely seeing them during term time? I’m not trying to be goady I promise- I went back full time when my second was 6 months and I honestly couldn’t cope with it and that was when I had 8+ years experience of the job.

Of course it’s doable, with a good childminder and babysitter. Loads of people hold down 40 hours plus jobs with travelling and without a stay at home parent. It won’t be easy, but definitely doable. As a teacher you also have quite a lot of holidays, and your husband is around doing loads 1 week out of 3.
You‘ll just have to a) find a good, reliable and flexible childminder and b) learn to prioritise. The house doesn’t have to be spotless, and a 4 and a 6 year old are hardly babies. They can make themselves a sandwich, dress themselves and clean up to a certain extend.
My husband and I work both full time in jobs with 40 hours plus work, travel quite a bit and have no family support. We have an 18 month old and a 5 year old, and it’s very doable (without the relatively long holidays of a teacher, where you will be more flexible in when you work)

I know that school holidays are not teacher holidays, but the workload is more flexible, and a childminder will do the rest. My holidays aren’t completely free either, but i‘m more flexibel. Definitely doable, and the super-super intense part is only 1 year.

Your children are very young and dependent for such a busy year. Could you wait a few years?

I'm not sure how valid this is. My DS is 8. I now have to go to the swimming pool with him 4 nights a week (and a weekend day). Yesterday I spent all morning at his sailing club, all afternoon at a swimming gala and then he's been back in the pool this morning.

He didn't have all that stuff going on when he was 4. OP, if you think your DC will take up extra-curriculars, I'd crack on with training to teach now. My DH has a job that renders him basically unavailable during term times so I do pretty much everything, but I can manage it around my teaching because I am experienced and have a lot of stuff I can do without thinking about it.

I have just left teaching so I am a bit jaded. The average secondary works 55 hours a week, English teachers have the largest workload in schools (I was not an English teacher) and a student will probably be working more hours.

A lot depends on your school’s expectations.

When I asked my colleagues with young children how they cope with the work load I found a lot of people routinely worked midnight to 3 at the weekends, or at 4 on a Sunday morning or got up at 3 to mark on a ad hoc basis.

Wow. Thanks -dootball-

OP, I a single parent as xh fucked off when youghest 1 and I am not only a good teacher but I run a department full time for a core subject

Mine are now 5 and 8. They go to a v local school with wrap around care. I did do 18 MTHS of a big commute and don't recommend that!

For parent evening etc I rely on neighbours and friends who have DC at school with my DC. I'm very lucky to live in a small and friendly community. I'm not sure what I would have done when working in the city (as knew noone) if I didn't rely on a non teaching colleague/friend.

The difference with being qualified and training is that when training you often have to travel. I have a trainee who is just starting the school direct route (I actually think she is a single mum but not 100% sure) and although her first placement is with is which is a short commute, she has to travel to uni and other schools throughout the year.

I totally agree with pp about working smart. I cram a lot into a working day and yes I am often exhausted. But I do a good job (results back this up) and my own DC have a lot of attention and do lots of clubs and classes after school (not necessarily school ones).

I also have to try and control a chronic medical condition (bad day today).

As long as you have back up plans and options for ill DC and have options for parents evening etc. Of course you can do it. Just know what you are letting f yourself into.

Why not discuss it with whoever runs the school direct route and see what they say.

Good luck!

I never suggested I would squeeze all the work into the week he’s home, but get as much done as possible to make life easier when he’s away.

Sorry, I realised you didn’t mean everything, but so much of day-to-day teaching is reactive that really there won’t be much you can do more than about a week in advance.

Thanks, everyone- given me a lot to think about :)