To think I have PND?

[Hadenough123]

Hi

I have two children, 4 and 8 months. I adore my children, and to the outside world am a happy confident mum.
On the inside is a different story tho, I suffer with anxiety and have for years, since teens, I'm now in my early 30's. I feel exhausted pretty much all the time, my 4 year old has just started school and my anxiety has gone through the roof these past few weeks worrying about them, to the point of stomach ache and wretching (they haven't seen this) seems to be going ok so that's some relief. My 8 month old is at the stage where can nearly crawl but is teething and extremely clingy, won't let me put them down, my eldest is a chatterbox, never stops asking me questions and asking me to do stuff, something to eat/drink, change channel, help with game, a cuddle, walk with them to toilet. I'm totally and utterly exhausted. I don't have a job to go back to, I have applied for as many as I can within the hours I can do but had nothing, I've even applied for voluntary work just to get out the house. My partner works shifts and very long hours, which leaves him very tired but he helps the best he can. My mum helps when she can too, but it depends on what her plans that week are.
What's worrying me is the thoughts I have sometimes, when I feel low, I wake and my minds saying what's the point in this life, battling through day after day, and how much easier my life was before children. I find myself snappy and bad tempered, everyone says my eldest could talk for England, and sometimes I snap for them to be quiet. On the school run I plaster a smile on and look happy, little did they know I had a panic attack ten mins before setting off as I avoid social interactions as much as possible now and the school crowds make me feel claustrophobic. If I smile and say hello but get nothing back, it plays on my mind for hours and makes me low. I feel my kids deserve a better mum. I'm not enjoying life, I see no end in sight and no rainbow. I just go through the days thinking what's the point?
Some days are good days and I enjoy my life, then I get overwhelmed and stressed and my low feelings cloud over me again.

Oh it definitely sounds like PND. Well done for recognising that you're not feeling well.
Why don't you go and see your GP, or call the HV? They could get you on a list for some talking therapy or start you on an antidepressant, which might be enough to get you through this period. You can stop them later.
It's miserable but it does pass. Just make sure you get the help you need

I have no dc yet so can't advise much but just wanted to pop in and say
Anxiety is horrendous and I'm so sorry you're going through it, you sound like a great mum with a lot on, trying your hardest to hold it together. Chatty kids can be really draining and you've only just had a baby 8 months ago, don't beat yourself up! Time for yourself sounds like it would help a lot.
Have you tried speaking to DP or your mum about how you're feeling? I know also people often recommend speaking to your HV or GP.
I've had issues with anxiety since I was a teen and it hasn't gone away but two lots of therapy have helped loads - first on NHS the second private. CBT is brilliant if you can get it as it re trains your brain to act differently.

I recognise all those feelings, it's horrible, so sorry. I think it's PND yes.
I got help through my HV who arranged counselling, told me to go to GP ( who gave me ADs ) and I told my Mum, please do all this now- unburdening yourself will help imo and your Mum may help you more if she knows how you are.

Hi Hadenough123, I'm just coming out the other side of PND and a lot of this sound's very familiar. Have you sought the help of a GP or a mental health service? Do you have anyone to give you a bit of relief? As much as possible try to get out in the fresh air, eat fresh food and get some exercise (although I'm aware of how difficult that can be to get that energy up when you've got PND). I found booking an exercise class once or twice a week really helped.

I know you can't see it right now but there absolutely is light at the end of the tunnel and the people of mumsnet were absolutely brilliant for me. It was great to have people to sound off to and just to be told i wasn't alone.

The way you describe your feelings of being overwhelmed and clouded over with low feelings are exactly how I felt a few months ago. I would plaster on a smile for the school run but feel paranoid and self conscious about interactions with other parents. I'm an introvert and not naturally chatty anyway but I was more bothered by it than I should have been. I'd feel particularly bad on days with just me and the kids at home alone. My DH works long hours as well and I would also feel like I was battling through each day. I knew I had to book a Drs app when I realised I never wanted to be around my kids anymore and started picturing myself jumping out the top window! Dr gave me a mild antidepressant and within 2-3 weeks I felt like a completetly different person!! I love being around my kids again, have my energy back and feel positive about each day. I'm less stressed by things and have much more patience. I feel so sad about the way I was with my kids before. Antidepressants arnt always the answer for everyone but I wish I'd gone to the drs much sooner. It's been a dramatic change for me. Definitely speak to your GP asap!

What you’ve described is how I felt after having my DS. The not seeing the point in everything and just going through the motions. My HV one day just asked casually if I was okay and I just broke down and told her how I was feeling, it was a massive release even though I was scared what she would think and say.
She was incredibly supportive and understanding, gave me a massive hug and got on the phone to the doctors to get me an appointment that day. I saw the perinatal mental health team who were great and I am lucky in having a great doctor too. I was on anti depressants (low dose of setraline) which definitely helped for me. I’m off them now and feeling a lot better about things, my coping mechanisms have definitely improved and I know I can reach for help if I need it again.
I’d absolutely have a little chat to your HV or doctor about how your feeling. It surprised me how helpful everyone was.

Thank you all for your advice, I'm going to book in with the doctor Tuesday (Mondays are a nightmare to get an appt!) it's been like this for months now but I know I can't go on like this, it frightens me to feel this will be me forever :(
I haven't seen HV since baby was 6 weeks old, she said would be back four weeks later and never heard from her again
i think aswell the school run makes me feel more lonely than I already felt before, so doesn't help things but I do make a point of saying hello to anyone who gives me eye contact.
I know my thoughts are getting worse so it needs sorting. I have had help with anxiety in the past via CBT and am still on beta blockers now but obviously they don't help with my depressive thoughts. So glad to see people have come out the other side and enjoying life more it gives me hope thank u xx

It won’t be you forever, but if you leave it you could become really unwell, which you have recognised. I’ve been in your shoes, didn’t recognise this and became suicidal. Although I refused medication initially, it made such a difference as did support from other people and counselling. You will get better, you will get your energy and enthusiasm back. Could you set yourself a target of doing one thing a week with your baby? Our local library does storytime for little ones, and it’s free.

Poor you op, I've been there and it's hard.
Good luck with the gp, get some support around you so you get a break. Try to get more sleep and do some exercise if you can. Even just a brisk walk with the baby in the buggy.
You can get better, I did.
Take care of yourself and ask for help.

I haven’t suffered from PND however am all to familiar with depression. Please don’t be afraid of going to your GP and reaching ourt for help. I couldn’t get over how different I felt when I started taking mediation, so don’t be worried if they go down that route. It really did make a world of difference. Take care.

Definitely go see your gp and speak to your hv I had both pnd and anxiety I still have the anxiety but im working through it. my dd is 9 months there is so much help out there you just need to ask for it good luck