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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone awake

24 replies

lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 00:48

Me and husband don't go out much, have 3 kids been together 12 yrs, he's always been a binge drinker, doesn't drink much but when he does he's a pig, well we had a wedding today, husband spilt drink all down me, told him to slow down drinking, didn't listen but then was rotten and i was ready to go about 11.45 as little girl was ready to go home to bed and crying, mother inlaw said ill get him n tell him your going and she told me he said is he ok to stay he wants to stay(he was on the dance floor), so i got my 3 kids ready and walked 25mins to our house. Should i have dragged him out, so fed up with how he is when he's had a drink.

OP posts:
FastWindow · 09/09/2018 00:50

Why did you walk? Id have had twenty out of his wallet for a taxi

RosiesYellowDress · 09/09/2018 00:51

No you should of got money for a taxi and then left with tired kids. No point staying and arguing with a drunk

DonkeyPlease · 09/09/2018 00:53

No way I would have dragged him off anywhere. What's the point, he'd have been nasty about it and I'm sure it would have taken twice as long.

Can I ask why you are with him?

steff13 · 09/09/2018 00:56

I agree with PP, I'd have gotten a taxi or an Uber, but I would have left him there. How did you get to the wedding?

Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 00:57

When he hasn't had a drink he's so lovely, its when we have something planned involved with drinking i can feel myself getting all worked up as i no what to expect, he has never let me go home alone b4 tho, we had no cash left which is why i walked, told his mum to take him home with her and tell him not to bother coming home.

OP posts:
Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 00:58

Iv left the car there and will walk up tomorrow and pick it up.

OP posts:
steff13 · 09/09/2018 01:01

So, you could have driven yourself home?

Doingreat · 09/09/2018 01:03

This sounds so difficult for you op.
What does he say about his drinking when he's sober? Does he realise the impact of his behaviour on you and your children? What example is he setting them?

Sorry he ruined your day.

Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 01:04

No iv had a couple of drinks myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 01:07

Sometimes he apologises other times he's just like oh well everyone gets drunk, he did stop drinking about 7 yrs ago as he was that bad but slowly worked his way bk up.

OP posts:
Jackieyoulooknice · 09/09/2018 01:08

I don't think you should have walked home at this time of night with 3 children. Maybe just dont drink or get a taxi?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/09/2018 01:08

Does he have social anxiety?

AsleepAllDay · 09/09/2018 01:19

Sounds like he has a problem

steff13 · 09/09/2018 01:19

I think it's kind of odd to drive to a wedding without one of you planning to be the designated driver. But, I guess you handled it the best you could have under the circumstances.

Duchessgummybuns · 09/09/2018 01:21

Surely someone hadn’t been drinking and could have given you a lift? At least you’re home safe now, fingers crossed he wakes up feeling rotten tomorrow.

Birdsgottafly · 09/09/2018 01:32

He behaves as he does.

So then you decide on what you are going to do about it and how you are going to see that your children are going to be cared for.

You say that he's a binge drinker, then you knew how it would end.

You have decided to put your children in the position of crying through tiredness.

He needs to stop binge drinking, but until he does that, you need to protect your children from the effects.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/09/2018 01:40

So you know now that if you go out and take your children, you'll have to refrain from drinking so you can drive home.

I'd tell him to stay at his mother's until he's sought help for his drinking. If he can't or won't stop drinking once he gets started then he's an alcoholic. A 'functioning alcoholic' but an alcoholic none the less. And it will only get worse. Is this really the way you want to live? Is this really what you want your children to see as an example of how an adult drinks alcohol?

I'd get the car bright and early in the morning or he just might get it before you do!

Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 06:08

Thanks for your replies, he rang about 20mins ago standing outside the house, he said he should have come home with me. I just ignored him and came to bed. He's now asleep, you are all right about his drinking I'm going to tell him i can't be with someone who acts like this when drinking. We should be going out together and having a good time as a family. He ruins every night out.

OP posts:
Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 06:10

aquamarine yes he has social anxiety.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 09/09/2018 07:32

Too late for DC's anyway. How old are they?

Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 07:58

Yes it was late, they are 9 5 and nearly 3.

OP posts:
OkMaybeNot · 09/09/2018 08:06

You made your young children walk home a couple of miles away at nearly midnight, because you'd drunk and couldn't drive? That's pretty poor in itself, to say nothing of your husband's behaviour.

Was there an agreement between you that one of you would drive home and therefore not drink?

Original poster
lulabaloo · 09/09/2018 08:23

Other family members had been waiting 40mins for a taxi and still waiting when i left so i wasn't going to wait that long, youngest was in her pram.

OP posts:
HonestReally · 09/09/2018 08:43

I feel sorry for the kids having to walk at night. Couldn't you have asked to borrow some money from someone?

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