AIBU to be annoyed? Weight related

[MissHavershamssis]

Hi I'd just like to know others thoughts on this and if IABU or colleague is?

I'm naturally slim and have never had any problems re weight - I normally eat a varied diet including 'junk' as well as healthy foods - I've never had to 'think' about my weight.

I don't own scales but think normally I'm around the 8st 4lb mark (I'm 5'5") as that's what I was a couple of years ago when I got weighed at the GP.

I had a D&V bug about a month ago and since then I haven't regained my appetite - it's a real trial to find something I want to eat.

All last week a colleague at work has gone on and on about my weight - I don't think I've lost too much but my clothes are definitely a bit looser. She's made comments such as 'you look terrible', 'you really need to go to your GP' and the worst 'are you anorexic?'

Normally we get along really well and I really like her, as she does me. AIBU to think it's not ok for her to comment on my weight? Or is she just being a 'concerned friend' and it's ok to comment? I just feel that if I'd put a few pounds on it wouldn't be acceptable to make comment.

Happy to know if IABU or not. Thanks

I’d be annoyed at those comments! I think people think if you’re naturally slim like you then any comment about weight that they may make can’t possibly be offensive

I’d respond with - ‘ yes I could do with gaining a few pounds - what foods do you eat?’

God, what if you were anorexic? As if asking someone with an eating disorder if they have an eating disorder is remotely helpful! She sounds really rude, and honestly (i ordinarily try to give people the benefit of the doubt) jealous and nosy.

It sounds like she is genuinely concerned to me. If you weighed 8st 4lb a couple of years ago and you think you’ve lost a bit as a result of this bug then you could well be a bit underweight by now.

YANBU, that is really rude. Love the response about asking her how to gain weight. It’s never socially acceptable to comment on someone’s weight gain so I don’t see why it’s any different for weight loss.

You know her.

Is she a concerned friend or a jealous cow who enjoys stuffing her face and is envious of your figure?

My guess would be the former.

She sees you less often that you see you so any weight loss is more obvious to her.
She may not know what directly asking if yyou have anorexia isn't the best way to approach someone with anorexia.

You say that she a good friend, so while her comments are not appropriate, i would give her the benefit of the doubt and think she's worried that you are ill. You were poorly and lost weight, being slim it was noricable, and a month has passed but she can see you are still not eating normally, maybe she is afraid it was not just a bug you had, but a symptom of something more serious.
Certainly say to her that she shouldn't be commenting on weight, i bet she doesn't keep telling larger people thay are fat and should diet? But it's probably coming from concern for you.

I think she sounds worried about you OP.

"yeah I feel shit & can't eat properly since my illness. It sucks" would be my response. "No I'm not anorexic, I want to eat more it's just painful when I try, I hope it gets better by itself soon. Anyway how are you?"

I can't understand feeling offended.

To be fair I think it does come from a place of concern rather than 'bitchy' - I DO feel offended though - I had a bug and I've lost a little bit of weight - to be told you look terrible and asked if you are anorexic? Yes I feel offended.

I don't know if this is relevant or not - but she is someone who is constantly 'on a diet' and eats very little - she's an average weight but I think she struggles to maintain it.

I think I'll just have to say to her I find it offensive that she seems so consumed by my weight and her comments hurt.