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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find gyms really intimidating?

32 replies

PinkLadybirds · 08/09/2018 23:05

I’ve lost weight recently just through diet and being generally active, but I’m completely out of shape still and I’d love to join a gym and get fitter. But I find they give me so much anxiety.

I feel so self conscious and unfit - I’ve had brief attempts to join a gym in the past, but stopped going for this reason. Especially as I’d want to use weights to tone up, not just cardio, and the weight areas are always full of huge muscly men. And I’d probably use the equipment wrong/embarrass myself in some way.

I’m annoyed at myself for not being able to just get on with it and focus on my own workout - and I’m sure the majority of gym goers are doing exactly that - has anyone else had this gym anxiety or am I being completely pathetic?! Flowers

OP posts:
MissusGeneHunt · 08/09/2018 23:10

No you're not pathetic at all OP, I know how you feel. There's a gym in my town just for women, and v much marketed at 'gym phobics' (can you guess what they called it?!). It's hugely popular with nice, quiet, ordinary women, and my mum just joined, aged 77!! See if there's somewhere like that near you? Good luck

Usernc12 · 08/09/2018 23:11

Go find your local functional fitness/Crossfit/proper lifting gym, not a bodybuilding place. No mirrors, good communities, decent coaches (check for this first), much better and a good one is life changing.

There are obv some good BB places out there, saying that, so it depends on the culture but generally it's best to go somewhere you are supported.

hoistmeupjudy · 08/09/2018 23:15

I am the same too, I've learned now that I actually get on so much better with fitness DVD's and weights at home. I don't have to psych myself up to go anywhere and don't have all the anxiety when I'm there so actually end up exercising more.

groundcontroltomontydon · 08/09/2018 23:16

I borrowed lots of those huge men when I was doing my PT qual and they were lovelySmile Use the gym induction to learn how to use the equipment and never be afraid to ask - there should be a gym instructor on duty and they'll be more than happy to show you. You have every right to be there and to use all the equipment - free weights included. It's just a confidence thing and the more you go, the more confident you'll get.

YouTheCat · 08/09/2018 23:17

Our gym is starting some women only weights sessions. If you can afford it, maybe pay for a few personal trainer sessions so they can show you how to use stuff.

jenthelibrarian · 08/09/2018 23:17

Some gyms are grim, ask around for a friendly one.
Any gym should give you an induction session to make sure that you don't use the kit wrongly, they don't want you to hurt yourself or break their stuff.
Those huge, muscly men mostly like it when newbies ask their advice and most of them are actually nice and helpful.
I was doing the arm-curling machine, very slowly and at a low-ish setting last week and noticed some muscled demi-god standing beside me waiting for a turn I got all flustered and apologised for being feeble, he said
"Nah, it's all good. You gotta do your reps, innit?"
You go for it!

Ninoo25 · 08/09/2018 23:22

YANBU they can be really intimidating places. The one I go to is great, but only because I’m able to go during the day midweek. When I go it’s filled with 70 & 80 year olds. I made the mistake of going at the weekend once and all of the beautiful ‘showy’ people made me feel very uncomfortable (I’m talking the ones with their hair done, nails done, make up on and fancy very revealing gym wear). It’s like a completely different place and it has a different showing off atmosphere that I hated and I’m a gym regular- just during most peoples’ working hours. I got the impression some people go there to try and pick people up at the weekend too😳 I’d recommend doing lots of free trials and asking friends for recommendations until you find one that you like 😊

Original poster
PinkLadybirds · 08/09/2018 23:34

Glad I’m not the only one!

MissusGeneHunt - I did have a brief attempt at a women’s only gym near me a couple of years ago - but it had quite a limited amount of equipment. There’s a fantastic women’s gym I’ve found online but it’s about a 15/20 minute drive so ideally I want something a bit closer. Flowers

jenthelibrarian - Grin that is exactly how I feel - like I need to apologise for being so feeble! I’m sure the vast majority of gym goers/regulars are completely lovely! Just my anxious mindset which has made me feel really apprehensive.

Ninoo25 - I would be going during the day so can’t imagine it would be too busy! And I wouldn’t dare wear makeup or do my hair for the gym, I’m not at my most attractive while exercising, and feel very sweaty and red faced which doesn’t help my anxiety lol.

Personal training sessions would probably be a really good idea too. Once I’m into the habit of going, and feeling a bit fitter and more confident, I’m sure I won’t bat an eyelid at who else is there and worry I’m making a fool of myself 😂

OP posts:
luckycat007 · 08/09/2018 23:36

It's true some are better than others. Unfortunately I have limited options as I have to use a particular chain for convenience but you need to really try and not give a fuck about who leese is there. Just do your thing and pay no attention to the atmosphere. I hope you find somewhere which is generally pleasant.

DuchessThingy · 08/09/2018 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Talkingfrog · 08/09/2018 23:54

I can understand how you feel.
I joined a gym a few months ago and chose one I felt comfortable going into by myself. I often go with my niece but we do our own thing when we are there. I booked an a couple of inductions to start off with, so at least I felt comfortable using the equipment.
See if you can be shown around, or if there are any introduction days on.

Do you know anyone that goes to a gym nearby that could recommend anywhere to you.

Samantha2018 · 09/09/2018 00:07

I hate the gym because it's full of fit gym goers! I feel completely out of place and unfit! The weight area is full of body builders I'm too scared to go near them!

Beesandfrogsandfleas · 09/09/2018 00:16

Local council type gym today. About three guys in their 20s, rippling muscles. One very skinny woman around the same age. Overweight middle aged bloke with a personal trainer. Overweight middle aged woman (me). One man who was blind with a personal assistant. Several fitter but similarly aged women to me. Couple in their 70s.
If your gym is all Lycra and steroids just look for a different one.

Nothisispatrick · 09/09/2018 00:20

I’ve always gone to leisure centre based gyms rather than the smaller ones with just equipment that tend to be full of weight lifting men.

A leisure centre will also offer classes which I’ve always found to be predominately women. I prefer classes to the gym, only ever really use the gym from treadmill.

Nothisispatrick · 09/09/2018 00:22

Also I meant to add that no one is looking at you or interested! I know it’s obvious and it’s hard to shake off feeling self conscious, but in the nicest way possible no one cares!

Movin · 09/09/2018 00:49

If you have a F45 - join, completely life changing. If you don't have one highly recommend a cross fit box. No judgment, great camaraderie and life changing exercise ! Well done on the weight loss op

AGirlinLondon · 09/09/2018 07:55

Headphones in
Music on
Engage ‘fuck you’ face

I am nearly eight months pregnant and still exercising as usual. I draw all kinds of looks but I just don’t care

SpookyMuldersMum · 09/09/2018 08:16

Maybe try a body pump class? Usually as many women as men and it’s a good way to learn to safely lift. Also the music is so loud you can’t hear all the manly “effort” noises that men of a certain build seem to need to make whilst lifting rolls eyes

luckycat007 · 09/09/2018 09:23

It's interesting many people find the men intimidating. I find the women are more so.

gingertigercat · 09/09/2018 09:26

I second a body pump class. Mine are 90% women and it's a great way of learning various weight exercises for each body group and correct form etc without feeling self conscious. Definitely makes me feel more confident to tackle the weights outside the class.

Catastic · 09/09/2018 09:41

I agree re. headphones. Once I plug my music in, I enter my own little 80s/90s pop world and can block out what is going on around me.

I also go at about 1pm and find it is really quiet. I would never go at around 8.30am or 5.30pm.

I felt very awkward when I started but now love going. Good luck!

SureIusedtobetaller · 09/09/2018 09:46

Council gym, huge range of people. If you go in the day it’s mostly retired. There’s a muscle man area but they are not interested in the rest of us. One or two beautiful young things but they are in the minority.
Find a gym you like, they are not all the same.

Gardai · 09/09/2018 09:54

It depends upon how well you can cope with gyms. Just ended my membership last month and already feel better for it. Back to walks and YouTube videos and I am much happier.
I found the pressure was causing me unnecessary anxiety.

Ethylred · 09/09/2018 09:57

"... has anyone else had this gym anxiety or am I being completely pathetic?"
You're forcing me to be binary here. I'm going with "completely pathetic".
Because nobody else in the gym notices or cares what you're doing.

DN4GeekinDerby · 09/09/2018 12:19

YANBU, some gyms can be quite intimidating and it's always annoying and nerve-wracking for me to get into new things I feel I should be good at, but we all have to start off as beginners (which I struggle to remind myself at times).

As others said, gyms are all different. Some bigger gyms have women's sections/floors in them which might be worth looking into as well as maybe a few sessions with a personal trainer to help you gain confidence and understanding.