Would this bother you....?

[jellybaby2805185]

.... if you found out your ex was lying about where he was taking your child on contact days? My ex told me that he took our child to visit a family member in 'Place A' but later I find out that said family member lives nowhere near 'Place A'. He is a compulsive liar tho (hence the ex) and I have no idea what he's doing.

Before anyone says I know that it's his contact day and he can technically do whatever he wants/expose our child to whoever he wants etc but I am curious because 'Place A'is not too far from his girlfriend (who caused a lot of trouble when they first got together) so I am wary of her and we haven't talked about her being involved yet when ex has contact. (Child is still young)

Any thoughts please?

Bump anyone tonight??

Sounds a bit strange. Shame your child isn't old enough to have a phone you could track to see where they are at all times.

Unfortunately ex does not need your consent /approval to meet up with dc+gf, sounds like that's what he did.

I know technically he doesn't need any approval etc it just bothers me that he lies about it and everything. I thought it would be nice to talk about when he introduces the gf but I do know he doesn't actually have to I'd just rather he didn't lie about where he's going and who he's seeing etc when our child is with him.

Just because the family member doesn't live near Place A doesn't meant they weren't visiting for the day?
Seems a very odd thing to lie about, why not just say you were taking your child to the park if you wanted to hide what you were doing (vague and non specific)?

Imo being less invested in his life wil give you more freedom to enjoy your own
He has lied to avoid confrontation.

April, yeah that's Defo true - but also he lies because he can. But I've told him before on occasions I've caught him lying where our child is involved that it's not on and it's not fair. In this instance it's because I don't know where him or my child are in an emergency. The gf I suppose is a separate thing because she is nothing to do with me I just don't think it's on that they're all spending the day together playing happy families if that's what he's doing.

It's because he can't cope with our child in his own.... every week he goes to someone else a 'different family member'

Do you tell him where you and your child are at all times?

@Creeper8 no but I also don't lie to him where it concerns our child either which he does

Enough rope and he will hang himself.
Ime.

Probably lying to avoid an argument. Unless you tell him where you and his child are at all times in case of an emergency which I doubt. Th en he shouldn't have to tell you either

As an equal parent, he would have to deal with whatever emergency may or may not arise. If you don’t think he’s capable of keep your child safe, then he shouldn’t have unsupervised contact

And I don’t get the ‘happy families’ bit, would you rather their time together was miserable?

I find the less interest I take in ex the better for me.

There is much I don't like about the contact he has with the children. Children sleeping on the floor next to him and ow. Kids had ice cream for breakfast today 🙄 and spent the day in the pub. It's up to him. The kids will see him for what he is on time.

I know it's hard to let go. Just be sure that you are always contactable if there is an emergency.

I know you're all right and it's all up to him etc I am being very unreasonable about it all I get that it's just the lying was what split us up in the first place I don't understand why e still feels the need to lie to me now especially where our little one is concerned. He clearly hasn't learnt

You said upthread, he lies because he can, I don’t know why you expect him to have changed really

You have a choice here.
Whether to let yourself be bothered. Or not.

He’s a compulsive liar.

But you need to be honest with yourself. You hate the idea of him playing happy families with his gf and DS when you should be doing that, and probably would be, if he wasn’t a liar. It hurts. But let’s face it, he’ll be lying to her too. She hasn’t got what you want, she’s got what you had - and her had the sense to get out of!

The ‘in an emergency’ thing is nonsense. IF there was an emergency phone calls would be made, you wouldn’t know to just turn up.

Stop asking him where he’s taking DS or where they’ve been, just let him get on with it. He will only lie and get the buzz from it when you ask.

@Costacoffeeplease that is true and you're right but I guess I hoped he would care about his child enough to at least tell the truth about that. Ive caught him out in lies regarding our child's care several times since he's been having unsupervised contact but for some reason I thought he'd get bored of it. This obviously hasn't been the case.

He is Defo a weird one. He's one of those dads who doesn't actually care, has admitted to lying about contact in the past cause he 'just didn't want to see x'

@AnnieAnoniMoose another extremely good point - but the problem is I don't ask him!!! He always finds a way to bring up where they've been. Hence my comments about him going out of his way to lie. I only know information because he's come up with it himself.