To remain friends with this mum even though her DD slept with my DD’s BF?

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DD is an older teen. DD has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for 18 months, sexual (from what she has told me) for the last 3 months, stayed at his house, met his parents etc.

She has a “friend”from school that is not so friendly anymore but because they were friends in junior school and through senior school I became friends with her friends mum. Occasionally drinks out, Fb friends etc.

It’s come to light over the last couple of days that DD friend has slept with DD’s BF, he has dumped DD and is now with her not so close friend.

DD is heartbroken. I understand he had the commitment to DD but this friend, I can’t help think girl code.

I need to stay out of it all and just be grateful DD talks to me don’t I?

I’m wondering if I should get in touch with my mum friend and say hi to show I’m happy to keep out of all of it or see how it goes seeing how her DD has slept with my DDs boyfriend and left her heartbroken?

I’m just venting on here, never had a heartbroken daughter before (sad)

Just for future reference which of my relatives' poor decisions should I expect to be held accountable for by other people?

Direct family only? Descendants only? Immediate family only? Or is it only my female relatives?

If you are very close friends with the mum I might feel differently but under the circumstances I would distance myself from the friendship at least for a while. I think it's important that your daughter sees that you are 100% on her side here.

Though I get what another poster said - these things can blow over quite quickly at your DD's age and she might fall head over heels with some other boy very soon. In that case I might re-connect with the mum if you are good friends. You could just have had a busy few weeks.

On the other hand when my DD's best friend dropped her for another girl I found it hard to continue being pally with ex best friend's mum. She was so full of what her DD and this girl were doing that over time it really got to me. She seemed oblivious that my daughter had been dropped altogether. It just seemed so insensitive.

Bear in mind it's quite possible your friend feels awful about what happened and would welcome the chance to talk it over with you and clear the air. She might be worried about losing your friendship because of it.

I doubt her mum had much to do with two teens getting it on. Why on earth would it affect your friendship? If anything, the pair if you can have an extra gin and thank your lucky stars you aren’t 18 again, and wait five minutes before they are all dating someone else in any case.
If your dd had done the same thing to her friend, would you think it fair that you were being punished as a result?
Weird.
I get that it’s awkward, but it’s way more awkward for the other mum.

I wouldn't do either - don't contact her and don't drop her, just leave it for a bit and see what happens.

It's pretty likely that DD's 'friend''s relationship will be over in a couple of months anyway and everyone will have moved on.

I don't think it is about the other mum being accountable for her dd's behaviour. But that op's dd is probably feeling vulnerable so may see continuing the friendship as bit of a betral.

We're only human, It's totally understandable you would feel odd about this friendship.

Your daughter is obviously more important than a fairly casual friendship. Maybe in a week or so ask your daughter what she thinks?

Tbh if your friend's dd has form for this then I wonder if the mum could do with knowing. Yes they are free to do as they please but sometimes as a young adult you need to learn what is shitty behaviour.

I'd just leave it. If she does get in contact eventually fine. If se doesn't,even better.
I'm not entirely comfortable with slagging off the other girl,even less so blaming the mum or assuming she approves/condones her behaviour.

I'd say absolutely don't get sucked into the spats between children.

There are a gazillion posts on here by parents with much, much younger children. It ISN'T different because our children are older.

Yes - support your DD.

But, also, have your friendships. You can do one and also the other.

I think having children falling out but the adults breezing through is a GOOD model for the kids.

I just wanted to clarify i wasn’t blaming the mum but I would feel mortified and would acknowledge it.