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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to expect some loyalty from my boss?

30 replies

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 20:08

Hi all,
Current situation at work. A few months ago We had a new girl start at work who's behaviour was a bit questionable in our exec offices. She's a bit immature, very loud, constantly on her phone, shouting down her phone takin personal calls about 'f*kin ppl up' and everyone on our exec floor can hear, leaves mess everywhere, films everything, puts it on the Internet which is a sackable offence at my work but I turned a blind eye as she was new to this kind of job and she was a nice girl (so I thought) anyways an incident happened at work where she bought an unauthorised person into work after hours (a man) and my boss (who isn't her boss) saw & asked me to find out who he was. As this girl was new I said I'd speak to her and no need to bring the girls managers into it. I spoke to her and explained she can't do that here in this particular setting (confidential info everywhere etc) and my boss wasn't happy... for her to say I was 'starting on' her, I'm 'tryin to lose her her job' , 'how dare I' etc etc. The next few days were awkward, kissing her teeth at me, attitude, snide comments & actin immature all for my boss to see, I stuck up for myself, a few harsh words and she soon shut up. Anyways She then told her managers, who are never at my base to see her behaviour, alot of lies about what happened with her gentleman caller (!) about me and my team (if she had told the truth about the man she'd have been disciplined, maybe sacked as she's on probation) and after that we never saw her again as she started workin at another base. During this time she was slating me, my boss, other managers at my base to anyone who would listen and posting indirect things about me on the Internet which soon got back to me from internal staff. This included her calling me racial slurs, (she's black, I'm white) indirect threats of violence and other nonsense. As I assumed she wasn't comin back to my base I didn't take it further but my bosses were aware. Fast forward 5 months, the girl's boss wants her at my base more so she's been about this week. However her boss (who may I add ignores me now) has approached my boss's senior to ask for another office for the girl cos of me, basically makin out I'm bullying her in some way however her request was refused. I'm furious about this request as I've not seen her since April & her attitude towards me in front of others has been disgusting plus her boss clearly doesn't know about her carry on in these offices. Anyways she's back in my office.. Complete silence, which suits me fine as I'm very busy in my role but yesterday I was in utter shock when she and my boss were laughing and joking about their holidays and my boss complimenting her quite sickly if I'm honest. My boss is fully aware of what's happened and I've expressed to her before that I'd rather the girl moved (as she wants to be moved Aswell!) because of all that business she's put on the Internet plus the fact I've not made a big thing like a grievance about this as I know my boss doesn't want headache. My other boss can't stand this girl and her behaviour in the office and is goin to speak to my other boss about moving her but I don't think she'll give the green light about this now as rooms in our dept is tight plus they're jokey chats I've witnessed. AIBU? I know I should get over it but I actually feel really hurt that my boss has done this and there's no loyalty here which I spose I was kidding thinkin she had some for, works work I spose. AIBU?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 08/09/2018 20:23

Your boss is an entirely unprofessional individual which she showed by asking you to find out who the man your colleague brought to the office was. She’s the manager - she should’ve dealt with it herself.

Just do you work, be beyond reproach and watch your back. That would be my advice. Personally I’d be looking elsewhere for work, stress like that is shit and life’s too short.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 20:25

This is the thing, my boss was goin to speak to her boss and I stupidly stepped in and said I'd speak to the girl instead so it wouldn't happen again and it backfired on me... Really wish I hadn't now of course.

OP posts:
DeathBySnoring · 08/09/2018 20:27

You might get more responses if your break you post up into paragrapshs. It's really hard to read like that.

Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 20:28

I'm sorry but I found that incredibly difficult to read. Am I right in thinking you are upset because your boss isn't showing bias towards you and treating another employee poorly because of personal feelings? If so- she would be a poor boss to do so and YABU

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 20:31

And I've already applied for another job, I feel so disheartened by this but I'm also tryin to stop myself Bein impulsive and overly sensitive but I'm feel betrayed by my boss

OP posts:
Mustbebetween · 08/09/2018 20:34

Good god is it full of teenagers where you work? I can't really get to grips with it but it sounds a nightmare and I think I'd just keep my head down and find a new job.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 20:35

Yes I spose I am but she's been racist towards my boss also, slagged her off no end and the new girl isn't employed by my boss, its a different service, she just uses one of our offices, mine unfortunately. I just see her managers supporting her, ignoring me, funny looks but my boss is crawling up her behind... I don't understand it but I do expect her to be biased.. I only did what I did because she asked me to find out about this man...

OP posts:
WomanWithAltitude · 08/09/2018 20:35

As you say, you messed up by getting involved in what your manager should have dealt with to start with. Lesson learned.

I'd look for another job tbh, your current colleagues and managers are hugely unprofessional.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 20:36

Apologies, I wrote it on my phone quickly and now I can't edit

OP posts:
WomanWithAltitude · 08/09/2018 20:36

Your boss isn't your friend. They are your boss, and if they left you to challenge this woman they are not a very good boss. Why would you expect loyalty from someone who is neither your friend nor a good boss?

Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 20:37

It appears that you have a real personal hatred for this girl and you are upset that your colleagues are not reciprocating. It all sounds rather juvenile in my opinion

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:09

Apologies Pinky.... I think you would also have a personal hatred if she called u a racist slur and threatened to beat u up outside of work..... 😐 Which yes is juvenile but also very serious!

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 21:16

You say it is very serious but have you taken any action? Did you file a formal complaint with your management? If I received a threat of that nature I'd have taken immediate action

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:23

I didn't because my boss said to be careful incase the girl plays the race card even though she's been racist towards me plus my boss is a chef exec, she doesn't want this headache as like u, I agree, it's juvenile but I just expected her to have my back, I'm her assistant. This other girl she has nothing to do with in any way at work apart from her using one of our offices and she's seen the new girls behaviour that's why I feel like I'm not bein unreasonable but I respect your opinion, I feel I needed an outsiders perspective on this

OP posts:
Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:24

Chief executive^^

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Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 21:30

I'm confused, what do you mean by 'be careful incase the girl plays the race card '

Of course this is just my opinion and you are welcome to disagree. I do strongly recommend that you file a complaint ASAP though, threats of violence should always be taken seriously

ilovesooty · 08/09/2018 21:33

If she threatened to beat you up you should have been making a formal complaint against her.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:33

Believe it or not that girl is 27 and I'm 32! I've never ever had anything like this in my work or personal life. I've advised this girl on Everythin as I've been in my role over 10yrs in this organisation as she had no clue startin at the bottom. I've helped her with so much but as soon as I said she couldn't bring her boyfriend in the offices after 5pm she lost her rag. I can't help but expect my exec to have my back as we work so closely together

OP posts:
Beanbag12 · 08/09/2018 21:35

Have you taken screenprints of her slating/threatening you on social media? I would definitely want to keep proof. I would also escalate this despite your boss not wanting the hassle. If it were me I would speak to HR and write down exactly what happened and when.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:37

She's black, I'm white. My exec is white, alot of the cream is white but my other manager is black so I don't agree with what my exec is sayin plus the new girls the one who's brought race into the equation calling me derogatory remarks about white people.... however the new girl is very street, always ralkin about bein 'in the hood' and nonsense like that which is not very professional as to what is expected at work

OP posts:
Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:38

Team*

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ilovesooty · 08/09/2018 21:40

FFS. She threatened you. Do something about it. I don't see why all this race stuff is even relevant.

Teddysmum7 · 08/09/2018 21:41

I don't but 2 of my work colleagues do from her social media as Im not on any of those things and they have shown my manager as I didn't know about them. As I said, which is my choice, I decided not to take this further as I thought she had been moved to a different base but now she's back and carryin on her nonsense I'd appreciate my boss havin my back and moving her to another office, I don't think that's unreasonable

OP posts:
Pinkyyy · 08/09/2018 21:42

You've lost me completely I'm afraid. I just can't see how race is a key thing here. Once again, if she is being racist in any way, a formal complaint is needed.

MimiSunshine · 08/09/2018 21:42

You do your boss a favour by printing 50 copies of a doc and posting them out to 50 different locations because they don’t want the headache of it.

You do not sweep lies, racist slurs and violent threats that are now hurting your reputation under the carpet instead of filing a complaint to save them the headache of it.

If the woman was on probation, it would have probably been pretty easy to have gotten rid of her back then.

Gather all the evidence you can of her behaviour towards you and file it now as a complaint.

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