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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think I shouldn’t have to pay this?!

47 replies

RoseGirlsInAVase · 08/09/2018 19:00

Friend 1 is having a birthday. Friend 2 is organising it (weekend away)

There is one additional person going Friend 3. I’ve never met this person ever (just calling her friend 3 for ease).

Friend 1 is paying nothing towards this. Friend 3 cannot pay until 6 days before we’re suppose to be going - so nothing has been booked.

Friend 2 has asked if I would contribute 50% of Friend 3s payment and she will pay me back.

Aibu to say no as I although I could afford it I’ve never met this person in my life so I have no idea whether I would get my extra £100 back?

OP posts:

Rafflesway · 08/09/2018 20:19

YADDDNBU!

VimFuego101 · 08/09/2018 20:20

Friend 2 is cheeky to even ask.

Bluecloudyskies · 08/09/2018 20:21

Just say you are a bit short at the moment and can only cover your own costs. Not your problem

This is your easiest way out

Gilly12345 · 08/09/2018 20:22

This is really odd, I think the cost should be split 4 ways and you should not pay anyone's share in advance, people have known about this for a while and should save/budget.

jpclarke · 08/09/2018 20:24

Why is friend 1 not paying? Just because it's her birthday. If she wanted to go away for her birthday she should contribute too. Friend 2 should no way as you to cover the cost for anyone least of all someone you have never met.

GirlfriendInAKorma · 08/09/2018 20:25

I paid for one of the hens on a hen do as she was short of cash. She dropped out at the last minute so didn't come, even though everything was paid for (her share by me) and she never ever paid me back.

Goldmandra · 08/09/2018 20:25

I don’t have control over other people planning things.

No but there's nothing stopping you suggesting to friend 2 that you do something everyone can afford more easily.

Mayra1367 · 08/09/2018 20:27

No , no , no

TheBigFatMermaid · 08/09/2018 20:29

NO, NO, NO!! Do not upfront money for someone you do not know.

Actually, going by threads on here, do not upfront money for someone you do know, or even someone you are close to!

Original poster

RoseGirlsInAVase · 08/09/2018 20:29

Yes my thoughts exactly, but I had no idea at the time when I agreed to go that she (Friend 1) wasn’t going to contribute.

Then I felt I couldn’t back out.

Exactly what I’m afraid of. Also if it sadly did come down to this then how exactly am I suppose to chase up a stranger for the money back?

Sorry you had to deal with this, what an absolute shitty person.

OP posts:

Original poster

RoseGirlsInAVase · 08/09/2018 20:32

I don’t have control over other people planning things.

No but there's nothing stopping you suggesting to friend 2 that you do something everyone can afford more easily.

And why should I suggest that exactly?

I’m not the one they are going away for and I’m not the one organising it.

OP posts:

iamyourequal · 08/09/2018 20:41

YANBU. But in all of this you are sounding rather spineless. You need to tell friend B to scale down the celebrations and that you are not stumping deposits up for people you don’t know. I would also be questioning why the birthday girl isn’t to contribute (unless she has had a terrible kind of year and she is in hardship) It sounds like another modern day example here of people living beyond their means. (Not you, but def ‘2’ & ‘3’).

EdisonLightBulb · 08/09/2018 20:42

Don't do it OP, just a simple "really sorry, can't afford to do that, only just managed my own contribution" then hope your nose doesn't grow like Pinocchio 🤥

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/09/2018 20:47

Friend 2 is acting like a brat for expecting you to pay for friend 1 & 3. Friend 1 is acting like brat for not paying a bean. Friend 3 is acting like a brat for wanting to go but not being able to afford to go.

Too much pressure. This isn’t what you signed up to. Tell friend 2 you’re not prepared to pay for friend 1 or lend to friend 2.

easyandy101 · 08/09/2018 20:50

Yeah of course I'd pay. This is friend 2 you're dealing with and that's who's gonna owe you the money right?

Hellywelly10 · 08/09/2018 20:55

I would drop out too be fair, its too complecated.

Sparklesocks · 08/09/2018 21:03

It’s hugely unreasonable to think a paid for trip is a standard request for a person’s birthday.
And even more unreasonable to expect people to cough up for those who are short of cash.

Friend 2 should organise something more adequate for friend 3’s budget, or ask friend 1 to contribute.

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 08/09/2018 21:16

Do not pay!!

Charley50 · 08/09/2018 23:46

Dunno why friend one can't pay for herself either. Unless her day costs what you would normally spend on her anyway.

feelingnothing · 08/09/2018 23:48

Not a chance in hell cant other friend do it

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/09/2018 23:52

Does friend one know what the plan is and that she’s not paying or is friend two trying to look generous on someone else’s dime?

I only ask because I’ve known hen dos where the MOH has told the other attendees they’re splitting the bride’s costs while the bride was in the dark and had planned to pay her share.

Bellabutterfly2016 · 09/09/2018 07:17

Outrageous!!
Definately do not pay - if this person for whatever reason cancels then you'll be £100 down!
Just say no!

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