Christmas

[Sharingiscaring7]

This year will be our first Christmas as a family of 4. I love Christmas and do like spending time with family.
We've recently had a message from MIL pretty much demanding that we are to go there Christmas or Boxing day for a big meal. Not asking what plans we have or if we would like to go.
Am I being unreasonable if I told my partner that I don't want to go for a full on meal and would like to do a normal visitation as I would also like to see my side of the family over Christmas not days after?

Do you actually have plans with your family?

Why couldn't you go over in Boxing Day?

Why wouldn't you go on Boxing Day for a meal? There are three meals to choose from.

I am quite precious about Christmas Day but Boxing Day is for visiting

It's a time to be kind and be with your family/friends.

What constitutes 'pretty much demanding'?

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to wish to see you for a meal over Christmas tbh.

YABU to consider your family more important than his.

Why can't you just work out a time to see each family rather than moaning about your MIL?

YABU

I don't understand the problem.

Why can't you see your family on Xmas day or Xmas eve and his Boxing Day?

That's what I mean. I want to be able to visit both sides of the family on boxing day but make sure we have enough time to spend with both and not rush around. Christmas day we would be spending by ourselves.

One side of the family on Christmas eve and the other side on Boxing Day? Or is that impossible because of travel distance?

Christmas Day with just the four of you will, I expect, be more boring than you imagine it will be.

If you want to see your parents on Boxing Day, when do you propose to see your in laws? It does seem like you are prioritising your family over your partner's. And, well, they asked first.

want to be able to visit both sides of the family on boxing day but make sure we have enough time to spend with both and not rush around

Just arrange that then 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you don't want to rush around, why go to both sides on the same day? Do one on the 24th or 27th.

Also, if you do want to see both, you'll surely still need to eat? So why not a meal? I'm happy to be cooked for personally - saves me the time and effort!

Alternate between your parents and your inlaws year on year. That is fair. We have Christmas morning to ourselves, then go to either my parents or the ils for dinner. The other family are welcome to drop in mid morning to see the kids if they wish. MIL doesnt particularly like this arrangement (but is accepting of it) when it isnt 'her year' for dinner. I think it is because her other children and their families spend every Christmas day with them so she feels like she has to delay them coming to her house if she wants to visit us. They are welcome but understandibly dont want to drag their kids away from their toys Christmas morning.

Invite both sides to you and have a party! It will be wonderful [santa]

It’s only just September.
There is a Christmas forum.

YABU.

Thanks everyone. You've all be very helpful. I think I'm definitely thinking into it too much

Split the time. See his family first so you can leave when you need to to ensure you get enough time with yours.